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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: To sum up briefly, about 3 years ago we met about 10 times as she was serving me at the postal service, we don't know each other, I think she was interested in me at the time but nothing happened, the only chance to meet her is to contact her on Facebook. I know chances are not in my favor but anyway, I want a chance to get to know her and see where it will lead.So, I'm planning to send her something like this: So, I'm planning to send her something like this:"Hi, Natalia! How are you?I met you almost 3 years ago when you were working at X, so that's how I was able to find your Facebook.I know I needed to talk to you earlier but a lot was going on, and I wasn't ready for this. I'd really want to get to know you, and if there is any chance you'll be interested, please let me know!"I know Facebook (which I don't like by the way) is not a dating platform but there is no alternative. Can I do something to make it better?If she says "No" or "I have somebody", then I'll send "No problem but if it's not working out for you, I'll be here if you want"That's the whole point, to let her know that I find her attractive, and I'd be interested in dating her. If it's not an option, then I'll be looking for another girl.I want to hear from girls but guys who went through something like this are welcomed too, of course.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 December 2021):
 Yes, just go slow. What is the hurry anyway?
Start with a simple going for coffee. It's OK if that encounter seems to go really nice to say that you found her attractive. But don't "spring" it on her in a Facebook message.
If she thought you were "her type" too, then who knows?
Just try not to get ahead of yourself. You might (in your head have imagined her to be "your type" and in reality, she is not. Or she has changed a lot in 3 years, that can happen too.) You won't know until you actually spend some time together and talk.
You know the expression don't put the cart before the horse, right? This is what I mean.
Now, there is no harm in saying hi, and asking her out for coffee. Just be a bit more subtle.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2021): I would find your message really weird. Why dont you try something lighter like "Hi, I saw your profile and I recognise you from XXx". Its been a long time... how are you doing?"
And then if she replies you can get chatting to her. Dont immediately jump in and ask her out when you dont know her as she is today. She might be married with a family for all you know. Get to know her first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2021): Dont go over the top .. she does not need to know your life story .. just say hi remember me .. good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2021): @Honeypie
I had a lot of work to do and terrible things happened to me, alright? Don't blame it all on me. I couldn't imagine that I'll still remember her at this point either. I was thinking about searching for other girls (which I couldn't do up to this point) and still it was hard to admit to myself how I feel towards her, and she's my most preferred option, so other girls will wait until I'll contact her.
Perhaps, you're right and I should take it more slower.
Hehe, I don't actually know whether I'd like to date her. I just want to tell her that I wanted to get to know her but couldn't do it and I find her interesting. I wasn't in a romantic mood back then which is true.
Lol, of course I know that. She is my type, tall and slim. And I believe she's smart enough, hence I smell potential in her but I'll never know if we could be together unless I'll show some boldness and try it. That is exactly what I was thinking about lol
Based on what I've seen so far, she's still probably single but it's not proven that's true. And I didn't wait, I just couldn't forget her for some interesting reason, hence, maybe there is a chance it might work.
No signs of that whatsoever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2021): @Youcannotbeserious
Whether I misread the signals or not, it's irrelevant. I know what I feel and I want to get a chance to know her, whether she'd like it or not, I have no control over that.
Not sure that she actually remembers me, it sounds cocky and I don't like that :( "Who the hell does he think he is?" lol The point is to let her know that I'm not some guy trying to get random girl's attention. Her curiosity is probably my best weapon. She might actually recognize me and then, well, what happens, happens. "Hope you don't mind me contacting you" part, actually seems helpful, so thank you for that :)
Yeah, but "You can't blame a guy for trying, lol." part seems like I'm needy and trying everything to change her mind. I need to show that I feel okay whatever she wants to get to know me or not, which is true.
Thank you for your post :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 December 2021):
I agree with YCBS,
You didn't make a move 3 years ago but NOW you HAVE to? Because now you are ready?
"I know I needed to talk to you earlier but a lot was going on, and I wasn't ready for this. I'd really want to get to know you, and if there is any chance you'll be interested, please let me know!"
Yeah, don't add that. Other than that, I think the whole "would you like to meet up for coffee and a chat" is fine. She can still choose to say yes or no, and you will hopefully respect that.
I don't think it's romantic that some guy I'd met 3 years ago about 10 times (and I'm guessing these were at the post office when picking up mail/dropping off mail?) came right out and said, I'd like to date you. I'd be WTF?!
You don't know her. She might be attractive but she might ALSO be a horrible person and/or you might not share anything in common. Dating someone because they are pretty or cute is ok for a high-schooler. You are in your late 20's and will need more SUBSTANCE than her looks to make a relationship work. Slow your roll. If she says yes to coffee, take the time to get to know her.
I have to ask why did you wait 3 years to look for her? I mean it's highly probable that she has moved on and met someone in 3 years.
Also if she is very active on Facebook it shouldn't be too hard to see if she is dating someone.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 December 2021):
 Personally, as a female, I would find this sort of approach a bit "heavy" and creepy, especially if you misread the signals and she actually ISN'T interested in you.
May I suggest something along the lines of "Hi Natalie. Remember me? I met you 3 years ago when you were working at X. Hope you don't mind me contacting you. I was just wondering if you fancy a cup of coffee and a chat sometime?"
Your "response" seems a bit heavy as well. I would go with something like "No worries. You can't blame a guy for trying, lol. If things change, you know where I am." (Same thing, just put in a lighter-hearted way.)
Many people these days meet partners on line so, if Facebook is the only way you have of contacting this lady, then I say "go for it". Just keep it light so (1) she is not spooked and (2) if she is not interested/not in a position to take you up on your offer, you have not lost face.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2021): In all honesty this would be weird and if I was in her position I'd be uncomfortable. 3 years is a crazy long time, focus on the present and opportunities to meet people in the now - not fixating on someone and your idea of them from the past.
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