Messed up relationship
Q. Sorry about the long post but I could really use help! Patience appreciated! I met this guy once during a group social event in a different country. I came back home without thinking much of it but we got in touch during the pandemic and got...
A. 23 June 2022: When people use terms like "soulmate" and keep mentioning "connection" (whether it's deep, effortless or magical), I just know anything I say will fall on deaf ears if it is not part of their agenda and their planned vision for the future. However, ... (read in full...)
Should I wait to be asked out?
Q. Hi guys! I haven’t dated in a long time, so I have no ideas what the “rules” are. Also, I haven’t been able to shake off the weight I gained during my divorce (it started during my marriage), which makes me insecure. And so does my age (45). My...
A. 23 June 2022: P.S. Forgot to add, as you seem to have your heart set on this guy, until you know there is no chance of a relationship with him, it might be a good idea not to date other guys. No stranger will match up to someone to whom you have felt attracted ... (read in full...)
Should I wait to be asked out?
Q. Hi guys! I haven’t dated in a long time, so I have no ideas what the “rules” are. Also, I haven’t been able to shake off the weight I gained during my divorce (it started during my marriage), which makes me insecure. And so does my age (45). My...
A. 23 June 2022: I suspect there are two people here who are both terrified to make a move as neither of you is sure of your ground because both of you have acted in a "professional" manner and neither of you has made it obvious how you feel.
There are 3 possible... (read in full...)
Should I wait to be asked out?
Q. Hi guys! I haven’t dated in a long time, so I have no ideas what the “rules” are. Also, I haven’t been able to shake off the weight I gained during my divorce (it started during my marriage), which makes me insecure. And so does my age (45). My...
A. 23 June 2022: Testing testing - as I am fed up of typing out replies and then the system crashing and not allowing me to post them. If this appears, I will reply properly. ... (read in full...)
Friend making things awkward
Q. My friend keeps putting me in awkward situations and I’m not sure if she’s doing it on purpose or not… Let me give you some examples.. The first incident was 3 months ago we went out shopping - she found this fancy scarve that she liked. It ...
A. 17 June 2022: Your "friend" is a user. The problem is that you are allowing her to get away with her dreadful behaviour. Bottom line is, she is actually stealing from you because she is getting money (or at least trying to) which you have not offered.
Unles... (read in full...)
Family never believed me that my brothers fiancé was bad news!
Q. I need somewhere to vent - I’m so angry. Several years ago my brother met this woman and it was obvious to me she was only using him. My brother is very successful, owns 2 homes and is a very generous guy. From my first meeting with her...
A. 17 June 2022: I feel your pain. I honestly do. I've been in a similar situation at work where I was accused of being too harsh with a commercial tenant who was not paying their rent. As I could see through him and his lies, he went bleating directly to the ... (read in full...)
How do I respond to mutual friends?
Q. HI again! Thank you for all the good advice you have given me. I cannot find my questions I have previously posted, so here’s a very brief recap: I managed to put an end to a lifelong friendship that had been imposed on me (a daughter of fam...
A. 12 June 2022: I think you are overthinking this. What would be so wrong with responding, "I think that she’s doing fine but we haven’t been in contact for over a year"?
Friendships run their course and end for many reasons. If your friend presses for more inf... (read in full...)
I don't want my step-mother at my graduation
Q. Hello, thank you for taking the time to read my question. I am 24 years old, I'm graduating from university in the Summer. I'm only allowed two tickets for each parent at the ceremony, so I'm inviting my father and my mother. My Father and I...
A. 12 June 2022: Sweetheart, you are an adult. Your father's new wife only has the power over you which YOU permit. Stop allowing it. How she reacts to the news that she is not invited to your graduation is up to her. It has nothing to do with you.
And stop all... (read in full...)
Don't waste your time time not doing anything
Q. I will be honest - I think times gone for me in the sense of achieving especially romanticly. Never ever in life expect things to just happen. When people say things will all work out in the end, or love only happen when you stop working for it ...
A. 11 June 2022: You think your life is over (or, at least, the best years are over) in your early-mid 30s? Wow. That's very sad. Also very untrue - unless you choose to give up trying and make it a self-fulfilling prophesy.
I see the same issue woven through ... (read in full...)
This new guy told me about his 'crazy' former FWB
Q. Hello, I've been talking to this man for months and we both like each other's. However, he never talked about taking the relationship to the next level, although he spends hours with me talking non stop, watch a movie together, and I do feel the...
A. 11 June 2022: What are you wanting from this man? As you mention feeling a spark between you, I assume you want more than phone chats, yet you have let this run on for months without even meeting. Why?
As he prides himself on his honesty, I would ask him to b... (read in full...)
My husband left me for our son in law
Q. I just learnt that my husband of 42 years has left me for our son-in-law who is 36. That's a 36-year age gap!! I feel angry and betrayed and am worrying about the future. We had a good marriage and I had no suspicions he was even hav...
A. 9 June 2022: Without even reading this, I know this is our fantasy writer. So many posts from them recently. What the hell is going on? ... (read in full...)
Can't get out of this relationship with a married man
Q. Please don’t reiterate how stupid I was to not see the signs, not know the obvious - I did see some signs, some uneasy feelings, but I chose to ignore them. I was able to find an excuse for everything. And now I can’t get out. We met two year...
A. 8 June 2022: Oh dear God. OF COURSE he is going to tell you how fabulous you are. OF COURSE he is going to tell you how special you are. OF COURSE he is going to make out there is nobody else as fantastic as you, that he has never done the things with anyone ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him? I am not so sure if he truly loves me or not.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend/fiance' for almost 5 years. Things started off amazingly great and he was super loving and attentive. He took me to lots of nice places and bought me some nice gifts. My family and I also gave him nice gifts and took him ...
A. 5 June 2022: You should never settle for marrying someone because you fear the alternative is staying single. This is not a good reason to marry someone.
For me, the name calling and the inability to understand that some things are private and should not be s... (read in full...)
Howcdo we deal? Sons ex girlfriend in china says her baby is his
Q. Hi there. Asking for advice on dealing with this situation. My son told me "Mom, I've got some bad news. No other way to tell you, this, but my ex-girlfriend says I'm the father of her young daughter." He's only 19, btw. He then logged into ...
A. 3 June 2022: So, from what I understand from your post (sorry if I have this wrong), this girl has kept quiet about her pregnancy and subsequent child for 3 years. Are you absolutely sure this is not a scam?
If it is definitely the girl writing, I would wa... (read in full...)
How do I seduce my cute nerdy guy friend who has a secret hot bod?
Q. So I have a friend who is a guy who I have started to think about more romantically after I saw him wearing a spiderman costume which showed off his very cute muscles which I had never seen before. Side note he had the costume because he is a ...
A. 3 June 2022: For starters, do you think you could make up your mind whether you are male or female? Your profile says male but you say in your post you are female. I suspect you are female, from the way the post is written. Not that your gender is crucial. ... (read in full...)
Should I ask him to stop driving by?
Q. Met a seemingly nice, older man at my church [60s]. He offered to help me with some yard work. He never accepted pay for it, but would make comments like, "I have a lot of women friends and I love to help them." I kept getting the feeling he was ...
A. 2 June 2022: Is there anyone at your church who you can speak to in confidence about this man's behaviour? Someone who can perhaps give you advice on how to handle this? Or who could even speak to him on your behalf and explain to him that his behaviour is not ... (read in full...)
Think I can't deal with this anymore but I also feel like a bad person if I leave someone with depression.
Q. Hi everyone I'm just looking for advice. about 6 months ago I started dating a girl who is severely depressed. She takes medication so sometimes its not so bad. We get along well, although I feel like the connection isn't as deep as it c...
A. 2 June 2022: First and foremost, your girlfriend's mental health issues are not your responsibility. You need to understand that and keep reminding yourself of it.
If you girlfriend didn't suffer with depression but acted in every other way as she does now... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to get along with one of his friends so badly and we just don't click.
Q. Hi all, I am looking for some advice regarding my boyfriend and his friends, one of his friends in particular. Boyfriend and I have been dating just under three years now and I have met some of his friends and for the most part, I get on real...
A. 2 June 2022: Sounds like it's all on YOU to make every effort and to accommodate this rude madam. That doesn't sound very fair.
I would advice you to start sticking up for yourself and just point blank refusing to put yourself through the ordeal of spending... (read in full...)
Maybe she wants a penpal?
Q. I went to EDC a couple weekends ago with my brother and ended up chatting with a girl during a set, she's about 6-7 years younger than me. We hit it off and I got her Instagram so I could potentially send her a message at some point in the future. A ...
A. 2 June 2022: My advice: save yourself future heartache and let this girl go. Not only does she live an unrealistic distance from you to be able to maintain a relationship, apart from a bit of flirting, she has not indicated she is looking for a relationship with ... (read in full...)
Wife is transitioning into man. Would I be horrible to get divorced?
Q. First, I want to make it clear I have nothing against trans people. I believe they deserve the same rights and courtesies as all cis-trans people. If I use incorrect terminology I sincerely apologize as I have zero intention to offend trans ...
A. 29 May 2022: A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2022):
Sloppy arithmetic, dear novelist. You have been with your wife Claire for a total of 4 years.But 18 months +6 years + 2 years obviously does not make 4 years...it is not very believable that you... (read in full...)
Older boyfriend seems insecure because I am younger. Is he sabotaging our relationship?
Q. I have a problem. My partner is 15 years older than I am. I am not boasting but I am a very attractive, vivacious and in shape woman. I have had some issues with anxiety in the past but now with the proper medications and therapy, I have come a ...
A. 29 May 2022: Another post where I would dearly love to hear the other side of the story, i.e. your partner's side. The problem with offering an opinion/advice on posts on this site is that we only ever have one side of any story. So, based on YOUR side of this ... (read in full...)
Disappointed in friends behavior
Q. This is my fault to a certain level but I feel disappointed in my friend and her boyfriend. A friend of mine (let’s call her Kate) last month did me a big favor (not financial). In order to thank her I told her I’d take out to dinner and ...
A. 28 May 2022: First of all let me just say, your fiancé is a star. You found a good one there. He tried to fix the situation but, when your friend's boyfriend refused to play, he covered his share of the bill himself. He has manners and doesn't take advantage. ... (read in full...)
Older men. Daddy's
Q. Do many girls /women like older men, what is it thats such an attraction?...
A. 28 May 2022: A bit of a vague question. If your profile is correct, I am assuming you are asking this for yourself?
Based on my own experience and on what I have seen in other females I know, young girls usually gravitate towards young guys, with the attracti... (read in full...)
Is this something that he is going to regret when he gets older or is it okay for him to skip his prom like this?
Q. Four years ago, my oldest son and his friends went to his prom and they had a great time. My youngest son's prom is next week and he is refusing to go. Instead, him and his friends are skipping prom together and are going bowling (about 1...
A. 28 May 2022: Sounds like your son and his friends have figured out where they will have the best time. They KNOW they will enjoy what they have planned and would rather do that than attend something they feel isn't up their street. Just because one son enjoyed ... (read in full...)
My father has died and we feel we let him down
Q. My father has died in hospital aged 77. He went in with a foot that had blister that became black on his foot an narcrotic ulcer as he was diabetic. My family are in shock. We were expecting him to come out of the hospital. My mum told me he wasnt...
A. 28 May 2022: I am so sorry for your sad loss.
I wish I had a pound for every time I have heard horror stories like this. We had a similar thing happen with my mum where the neglect (although of much shorter duration than yours) was horrific. When I pointed ... (read in full...)
I seen my ex's new partner cheating. Do I tell her?
Q. So I've never done anything like this before. I find myself in an unbelievable situation, and I'm really looking for an unbiased point of view from people who don't know me. So, basically I was with my ex partner for as long as I can remember. I ...
A. 28 May 2022: My honest advice would be to stay well out of your ex's affairs (no pun intended). You need to move on with your life and one of the ways to do that is not to give your ex ANY head space.
Whether her new boyfriend is cheating on her or not is r... (read in full...)
I sent an email to boyfriend that he was not supposed to see
Q. Please help! I'm 33F and my bf is 27 and in the navy. He's been deployed since Feb, and it's been super hard. After managing to keep it together for the most part, I lost it last week. All my suspicion and worry compounded and I sent him an emai...
A. 22 May 2022: Sorry, I'm finding your post difficult to believe. If you were writing the email "to yourself", why would you put in your boyfriend's email address? The address field didn't just populate itself. I think you did mean to send it to him but wrote it ... (read in full...)
Falling for my mothers boyfriend- but I knew him first!
Q. Advice desperately needed please!! I used to work with a lovely guy for several years we always got on well, we had some chemistry (nothing sexual just banter) he was seeing someone, I was single and I had a huge crush on him and my colleagu...
A. 21 May 2022: Oh sweetheart, that must be so difficult for you. However, you know you can't do anything about acting on your feelings, otherwise that will drive a wedge between you and your mother, even assuming your colleague wasn't horrified at the thought of ... (read in full...)
Friend keeps going after the same men as me constantly!
Q. I have this "friend" and we have been quite close for 2 years now. It seems as though every time I start dating someone, or if I fancy a man, my friend has to either try to sabotage it by telling him bad things about me, or will try to seduce hi...
A. 21 May 2022: Well done. Cut all ties and keep it that way. Friends should add quality things to our lives, like peace, support, love. They should not make us feel on edge and act in underhand ways.
I am sure your life will be better for having got rid of t... (read in full...)
Best friend distancing herself from me for no apparent reason?
Q. I've been best friends with this girl for 5-6 years. We've been extremely close like sisters up until recently. Just the last two years, she started making these shady comments occasionally which she never used to do (comments about my body and ...
A. 21 May 2022: You two are leading very different lives at present. Sometimes friends drift apart for no other reason than that. Given your age, you were friends from a very young age. You started your friendship as children but you are both adults now. You are ... (read in full...)
Am I forcing a relationship?
Q. Everytime when i touch my boyfriend he will always take my hand off him and push me away. When we sleep he does not even hug me . When he talks, he always yells at me. He doesnt come to see me, if i go to see him, he will always be on his phone o...
A. 20 May 2022: What relationship? You don't actually HAVE a relationship. Is this how you want to live? Sort out your finances and get out. Find someone who wants to be with you, who treats you well. This is not the man for you. ... (read in full...)
Friend keeps going after the same men as me constantly!
Q. I have this "friend" and we have been quite close for 2 years now. It seems as though every time I start dating someone, or if I fancy a man, my friend has to either try to sabotage it by telling him bad things about me, or will try to seduce hi...
A. 14 May 2022: For some reason, you seem to pick friends - and boyfriends - who are not worthy of you. Perhaps you should ask yourself why this is. Why do you not think you deserve better?
A "decent" man will not be easily lured away by some suggestive photogra... (read in full...)
I don't know how to read my friend and its confusing me
Q. I am a gay female who is completely confused about what's going on with a straight female friend. We met a few months ago and she immediately took to me. Asked for my number and we texted and talked a lot. She initiated the flirting and it ...
A. 12 May 2022: She clicked with you as a friend. She's flattered you are attracted to her. (She's probably never had another woman crushing on her so it's an exciting novel experience for her.) She likes you as a friend and is willing to mess about, even kiss you, ... (read in full...)
Former co worker could be a problem
Q. Me and my husband went to the local shopping mall, and then a new restaurant on our date night a week ago. But before we'd gone the restaurant, a woman in her 50s approached my husband saying he owed her money - $500 in fact. He told her no,...
A. 8 May 2022: I'm puzzled. At first you say this woman was alleging your husband OWED her money but, further down your post, you state he had agreed to loan HER money, which then didn't happen. These are two completely different scenarios. Which is the correct ... (read in full...)
Is he rushing things or am I over reacting?
Q. Hello, I've met a man online about 1 year ago however things have been a bit more serious the last couple of months. He's very nice and respectful and we constantly video chat to create more intimacy. He seems interested in taking things to the n...
A. 1 May 2022: I don't think you are over reacting at all. I too would not like the idea of sharing a room with someone who I had never met before. Offer to pay for your own room so he is not out of pocket and so he does not feel he has been "used" in any way. ... (read in full...)
Should we wait?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months. Since a few days, we've been talking about having sex. We really want to do it, but I don't know how to have sex and I'm also scared of getting pregnant. My friends say different things – some say ...
A. 1 May 2022: Go along with what/when feels right for YOU, not someone else. Some of your friends may already have had sex, some may be pretending they have to "keep up with the pack". Regardless, it has nothing to do with you. There is only YOU who can decide ... (read in full...)
My dad is cheating on my mom with my best friends mother
Q. I found out last night that my dad's been cheating on mom since Christmas with my best friend's mom. Now he wants to make a blended family with me, my older sister (who's 23) my best friend and her two sisters (19F and 23/F), and we move out from ...
A. 1 May 2022: I'm so sorry for the shock you have had. It must be very scary but try to stay calm. Your dad cannot just ride roughshod over what you, your sister and your mother want. He's obviously thought all this through, talked it through with his new ... (read in full...)
Writing a love letter?
Q. My gf and I have been dating for two years. I want to write her a love letter but need help. What to say? I would like our relationship to be more intimate. Can I mention that in a love letter? ...
A. 30 April 2022: Frankly, a "love letter" is not really the place to bring up having sex. This is something you need to discuss at length and make sure (a) you are both in agreement and (b) you are using the safest contraception possible, and that you know how to ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my friend about her brother's interest in porn?
Q. I am a 16 year old female. I borrowed a lap top from my best friend's younger brother. He is 13. He has had a crush on me forever. He would probably jump in a volcano if I said it would impress me. So I used the laptop and did my project,...
A. 30 April 2022: Wow, you are one class act. I was going to end that sentence with "young lady" but there is nothing ladylike about your behaviour. The irony of you calling this 13 year old child a hypocrite because he is involved with the church but watching porn, ... (read in full...)
DUI dealbreaker?
Q. Dear Aunts, Anyone ever deal with a S.O. getting a DUI? Is it a deal breaker? Its not rubbing me the right way. Actually I wasn't even dating her but she just got it. Now a week later she confessed she had feelings for me. I know shes going throu...
A. 30 April 2022: Trust your gut instinct. If it doesn't feel "right", then it mostly likely isn't right. I suspect she is reaching out to you so she has someone willing to drive her while she is not allowed to drive.
Getting one DUI is bad enough, but two with... (read in full...)
Why is the spa tech flirting with me?
Q. I am 26M and my 30F girlfriend strongly prefers me to have a completely smooth upper body. I find that I kind of like it and it makes me feel like a fitness model wannabe. I definitely like my girlfriend’s reaction. It is a win - win. To keep me ...
A. 30 April 2022: Ha ha, this made me laugh so much. Not even sure if it is a wind-up or not, but I'll go along with it.
Peter, you are so totally a "trophy boyfriend". Younger than your girlfriend, allow your girlfriend to dictate exactly what treatments you have... (read in full...)
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