A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Folks i would need some advice.The one i get from my buddies always involves alcohol :s this is the first time i do this kind of thing but here we go.Found out a couple of days ago thanks to a lost email that my girlfriend of 2 years with whom i live has been getting attention and affection from my friggin roommate. The kind of affection is kisses when shes drunk and sleeping in the same bed without sex wich i kind of have difficulty believing. the reason this girl has said is that i dont give her enough affection, since im busy with my life. Now these things have been going on for 6 faking months, apparently when im outta town, when im out etc.I felt like beating the dude to death, but the guys is a douche, and my logic tells me is my attentionwhore girlfriend that is to be blamed.what woud you think if this happened to you?some advice yall thanks!
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male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (18 May 2010):
Really, the shitty thing is not that they seek out affection from each other. Humans need affection. The shitty thing is that they didn't have the balls to tell you what was going on and sort it out like adults.I think you're saying she knows that you know. Does HE know that you know? If not, print out the email and post it on the refrigerator.You didn't create this problem, and you should not be the one to figure out what to do about it. Let them come to you and let them do the talking. Maybe they will grovel and apologize. Maybe they will say they want to be together forever. If they can't muster the courage to even speak to you about it, then just pretend they don't exist.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Don't beat anyone up, that's not going to help and might land you in prison.
Obviously, she chose an incredibly stupid way of telling you she needs more lovin'. She would like to be closer to you so she shows you by hanging out with your roomie. Uh huh. She is not for you. Simple as that. She's not the right girl.
He's not the right roommate, either, obviously, so it's time to sever ties, end leases, whatever you need to do. Either THEY leave or you do. That would be my call on this one.
I also think if you are in the process of working on your career and that's why you are gone so often, maybe you need to find a woman who is okay with that. Start dating again and don't move in with anyone just yet.
Good luck, and I would love to hear a follow up from you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): Lack of affection isn't an excuse to be cheated on. Sometimes its impossible to control our feelings but it's very possible to control our actions. Going on for six months you say...least to say I'm surprised you are still with her. What would I do? Take my keep and start finding a better gf.
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 I think your girlfriend is a complete arse! Sorry!
My boyfriend is away a LOT. When he is home his mind is on work, but NEVER have I ever cheated on him, or looked for attention elsewhere! Yes, I sometimes feel unloved and would like more affection, but I would rather say something to him than cheat, look elsewhere or anything like that!
By the way, do you honestly think that they are sleeping in the same bed and "nothing happens"? Seriously? I think if kissing is going on, and they are drunk, then something else may be going on and perhaps they are too wasted to remember. Also, alcohol should never be the excuse because someone does stupid things, its the idiot drinking it to start!
Sorry, but your girlfriend doesnt deserve you, and as for your roommate, hes a complete spanner! Id end it with my girlfriend, and although beating your roommate sounds like a plan, perhaps look for another roommate or move out into another apartment!
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A
female
reader, Empressjai +, writes (17 May 2010):
 Like attracts like....so if your roommate is a douche then so is your gf. Her wanting 'attention' is a lame excuse for having sex with your roommate. Please...her sleeping in the same bed as him and NO sex...i find that extremely hard to comprehend and you i assume your an intelligent guy...so wake up and realise that this girl is trying to pull the wool over your eyes. It makes me wonder is she has done this with anyone else. After 2 years and living together you deserve a bit of respect. I am sure if youre busy it is pertaining to something realistic and productive. Beating your roommate up...thats energy so dont waste it on him, he just helped you to discover your have a liar for a gf and you cant trust her, without trust there is no relationship. Let them be together because they got together deceitfully so there will be a serious lack of trust in their relationship. i know it hurts and i feel for you but let her go, sort out your head and find someone new.
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A
female
reader, JBolton +, writes (17 May 2010):
sadly their right. not getting enough affection and attention is however a real thing, something i can say as the sufferin party.
however i do fancy my partners best friend nd have done so for the last 2 years of my 3 year relationship. but my bf knows that i feel like im not gettin enough attention nd we are havin a long distance realtionship. ( he doesnt no how i feel about his friend) but i have never nd will never act on it because i love nd truely care about him.
she clearly doesnt about u! so like they say kick them both into the curb nd watch them send themselves down in flames.
but even if she does love u any women knows such things are wrong. she made a choice now she must c it through.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 May 2010):
Like TimmD, I also think the 'not getting enough affection' excuse is a poor one. Now it is true that sometimes partners don't get enough attention. But they don't just go out and cheat. They try very hard to talk it through. I'm sure your girlfriend hasn't come to you at all. And instead, she's doing it with your flatmate. Highly suspicious. The only good thing it now you know you can do better. So do just that. Dump her cheating ass and move on.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (17 May 2010):
 You are correct in your thinking. While your roommate may be a douche, presumably your girlfriend wouldn't be doing the things she's doing unless she wanted to. If she doesn't get enough affection she should be saying something to you instead of going elsewhere. The "need more affection" excuse is just that - an excuse.
What would I do if this happened to me? Depends on the situation with my roommate. Beating the crap out of him would definitely make me feel better, but taking the high road is probably the way to go. If she likes him THAT much then tell her she can have him. Dump her and let her see how much you really mean to her the hard way....
If she doesn't really care about you the breakup will be easy and she won't react that badly. If she really loves you, you'll see it then.
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