A
male
age
30-35,
*ubenShirley2008
writes:I was friends with my best friend for about 3 years when I was a senior, and she was a freshmen (let's call her Shirley). About 2 years into the friendship, I began to develop feelings for her. I had never felt this way about any other girl...and still haven't to this day. It all happened very fast, but I undoubtedly fell in love with her. But it didn't feel mutual. She would often break the touch barrier, but has always labeled our relationship as the older brother/younger sister type, since I always felt the need to protect her.Then things started happening, like her dating other guys. Of course I wasn't too bothered by it, but every relationship she engaged in, would always end badly (her being a compulsive cheater, or the guy wanting more than just a casual relationship), but acted like it was completely normal. She would call me every time a relationship went bad, and I'd sacrifice hours of my time to listen and comfort her. Even when I was busy, I'd try to clear the whole day just to comfort her. She hasn't really shown more subtle hints of a possible romantic relationship with me other than hugs, in which her hand would linger on mine for a few seconds, or just pur her arm around mine.But, you see, it was more complicated that. She was always blunt, and is aware of that, and she has a problem with crying (she would not cry under any circumstance, or even show a sign of weakness). She seems to have a hard time staying single, and would stay single for a maximum of a week and half before she would engage in another relationship.Things also get weird between us. We are polar opposites: her being the blunt and somewhat loud one, whereas I'm the quiet and sweet type. And while those often conflict at times, we just find ourselves clicking so well when we're just walking and talking on a beautiful day. We've been best friends to the point that we say "I love you" to each other as soon as one of us leaves.One night, I came out to her with my feelings, and although she was "extremely flattered," she could not picture us dating (us having a brother/sister relationship), and only wants us to remain best friends, nothing more.After that, I fell into a deep depression. And she and I avoided contact for a week or so, but whenever I go someplace, I would sometimes run into her or see her across the store, and be amazed at how absolutely beautiful she is, and feel that familiar heat rush over my body. I seem to run into her pretty often when we're taking time off from each other. About 2 months ago, I asked for time off from her (in letter form) because my feelings being so convoluted and all, and how I was in love with her, and angry with her at the same time because of what her then-boyfriend did to her, and when I came over to apologize a weekend later after almost a 2-month hiatus, she forgave me easily, but has explained that our friendship has been slightly damaged, and may take a while for that to repaire, and we had plans to spend every second together during my last summer here at home before I transfer. Now, I've graduated my community college, and she's barely going to be a high school senior. After we started hanging out again, it was her birthday. I made a slideshow containing pictures and videos of the fun we've had together in these past 3 years, and I began to cry during it, and when I turned around to give her a half-sun necklace (with me wearing the other half) and a long, intimate hug, I could tell she was crying also. She held me as tightly as she could, and I whispered to her how much I was going to miss her when I transfer. When I pulled away, she began to cry. I left thereafter.And that's it. She hasn't mentioned the very emotional slide show I gave her, and she hasn't talked to me since. I'm trying to make sense out of this...because sometimes I feel like I'm dillusional, and that it was really very one-sided, since I fell in love with her so deeply, and she wouldn't reciprocate those feelings.. So please, if anyone has any insight into my story, I would greatly appreciate your input. I still have 2 months left before I transfer...I'm hoping to get all of this resolved.Thank You.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (13 May 2010):
 I'm sorry to say that I think this is going no where for you. She just doesn't seem to have the same feelings for you. I don't even think it's the traditional "one has feelings while the other doesn't". Judging by her behavior with relationships (always needing to be in one/cheating/etc) I just think she might not be capable of the relationship and commitment you are looking for. It might be from how she was raised and her family, but she just might not be capable.
Sometimes opposites attract, but in this case you two just might be too different to make it work.
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