A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met back up with a girl from college, and went to visit her. She lives 4 hrs away, and we hit it off really well. About 3 days after I returned home, she called and told me that she just found out she was a month pregnant by some army guy that she has no feelings for, and has no way to contact him for support. I really like her a lot, and I was even considering a long distance relationship, but this baby will totally change things. Should I go ahead and get with her, leave her alone, just stay friends, or what?
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): she got in contact w/ him, and he said he'll help w/ the baby as much as he can. she says she has no feelings for him (i asked more than once and will continue lol). might just take it slow and see what happens...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): The first response to your letter is why can this girl cannot contact the Army guy, if she knows his full name and regiment then she should be able to trace him, if she doesn't know either or only one then the relationship between the two was more likely ships passing in the night. If the latter is the case and you are happy with this then continue the relationship by all means; but be aware that taking on another man's child can be difficult and eventually the child will have to told the truth. Are you prepare to play daddy to another man's child? What happens if you split, where would you stand in regards to the relationship with the child. At the same time you should ask yourself are you fully 100% committed to travelling a 4 hour journey on a regularly basis? This its self is a major problem as long distances relationships are hard to maintain. Therefore, ask yourself can I do it? List all the positives and negatives about the situation and then decide. Finally, never, never be friends in this sort of relationship, it just does't work in the long term. So in this case, simply be honest with the girl, turn and walk away and don't get in touch.
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Yes, she could've done such a ghastly thing to you and it does speak well to her character that she did not. I'm pleased that you're interested in quality. But these men here make some valid points, I believe. In the interest of factual disclosure, there IS recourse here for her, she can absolutely find the father of this child and obtain support for it. I know for a fact this is possible. Assuming she knows the guy's name. All she need do is contact the nearest Army JAG (Judge Advocate General office) and tell them who, what, why she's looking for him. It is only right that this child's father knows he's a father, isn't it? I wish you the best, keep us posted.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): some of the other poster are suggesting she may be looking for a replacement baby daddy to support her ... i am 6 months pregnant and single and dating a wonderful guy of 4 months. He is not the baby's father and i do not expect him to be that ... yeah, by dating me he's dating a package deal but this kid is my responcibility and i'll never ask for a dime off my boyfriend. If we lived together then obviously things might be different because its more of a shared money pot sort of thing and the kid would be there so its almost like forced parenthood on him, but simple solution ... if he's not ready for that or doesn't want that then we don't live together for a long long long time and just enjoy the perks of dating a woman who happens to have a kid. My mum remarried when i was 10 and although i counted her new husband as my step dad, he was more like a friend/new family memeber who started to live with us. Mum was still my only parent and always will be. So, if you like this girl - give it a go, whats the worse that happens ... you find out that you don't like each other in a few months, atleast then you won't be stuck wondering about what might have happened had you given it a shot. She sounds nice, considerate and honest ... and you sound decent and understanding too, what have yo to lose by taking a chance.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): Walk away while you can. It takes a lot of heart to raise someone else's baby. You can be charitable in many other ways.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): @BunnyTee
Well she said she wanted to tell me b/c she liked me a lot, saw potential in us together, & wanted to try to see if we can make things work, but she'd understand if I didn't want to talk to her anymore...
Its crazy b/c the fact that she even told me in the first place lets me know that she's honest which is very important to me and makes me like her more. She could have slept w/ me, then turn around and said that the baby was mine, cheated on me after we got together & got pregnant, or something trifling like that.
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Terrible timing indeed. The problem is there is no right or wrong answer. Having a relationship with a girl in a situation like this is not that crazy, but only if she means a lot to you and you believe she could be "the one". Unfortunately, it sounds like you're only just getting to know her and probably aren't to that point yet. The other thing you have to consider is the whole baby with a guy she doesn't love or even talk to only after 1 month. This does say something about her as a person.
It's up to you, man. Some people aren't the type to take care of somebody else's child... but are you? You don't really have to commit fully at this point, you could always try staying in contact as friends and take it slowly. Otherwise you're just going to have to end it now before it goes any further.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 May 2010):
Can you support and accept another man's baby as your own? Can you do that, pay for it, love it, look after it? Would she let it be your own child or will she always defend it? These are things you need to think about. If you can't accept the baby as your own, then move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, The Great Mark Says +, writes (19 May 2010):
 oh snap son. well i got a ton of question you need to answer. are you ready to be a father? do you have the money to support a child? do you have a job? are you ok with raise a child from another guy?
me personally. i would say to her i not going to help support this kid. nor do i want the kid. if im going to have a kid, its going to be my own flesh and blood. so she has to choose the kid or me. i know it may sound cold but hey its not your kid. your not responsible. why should you have take the responsibility of this other military guy.
as a side note. yes there are ways she can find out who this military guy is, where he is and to get support. its called a DNA test. the military keeps track of all the people in it. so get a DNA test. and then contact the military. good luck with your choice
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (19 May 2010):
I'm afraid there's really not enough information here to offer you anything meaningful as a response. Any ideas on why she called and dropped this little bomb on you?
...............................
|
