A
female
age
51-59,
*herimarie
writes:Ive been dating a guy for 6 months and we both have told eachother that were falling in love with one another. I am still married and have been seperated from my husband for over a year. I just found out our marriage is not going to be final for about 6 months (hopefully less). I know its been waying heavy on my boyfriends mind; and mine as well. He has a problem with me being married still and sleeping with another man, but were so into eachother and falling hard, and its been hard for us to let go. Should I tell him that i no how he feels and that its not right if it doesnt feel right, and just walk away from the relationship? I dont expect him to give this relationship a chance if he feels this strong about it. Its not fair to either one of us, cause its hurting us both. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Why are you still sleeping with your husband? If you are separated do you not need to stay away from him in order to be allowed divorce? And if you want the marriage to end so badly, why are you still sleeping with your husband? Maybe that is what bothers your boyfriend, that he's just your side-dish.
Of course it bothers your boyfriend that you are still married. It'd bother anyone to not be able to be with their girlfriend or boyfriend officially because the other is still married. It's a social taboo as well.
If he feels strongly against being with you while you are still married, and it is causing so much fight... why did he enter a relationship with you in the first place? Perhaps he can't take it anymore, and it is time to let go. You could try and reconnect once you are single again.
A
male
reader, The Great Mark Says +, writes (18 May 2010):
 im pretty sure i get what you mean. but a little more info would be nice. like how did your marriage fall apart and at what point did this new guy come in?well anyway, i know for a fact if i was the guy. your status of being married would bother me a ton. because i wouldnt want to be the "afare guy". what you need to do is talk to the guy and make sure he knows how long with devorce process will take. and tell him if he doesnt want to stick around, then you understand. honestly you should take the time to get devorced and then start looking. looking now is just bringing extra baggage into any other relationship you want to start. i know your in some tough times but stick it out. good luck to you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I understand him 100% . Get your own life in order THEN look for your next relationship. If he is still available you might be in luck.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (18 May 2010):
 What is the situation with your separation? Did you start seeing this man before your separation? Is he the reason for your separation?
If you met him after your husband and you decided to split, then I think the marriage is more of a technicality. He shouldn't penalize you for something that is out of your control (the legal and financial process for dissolving your marriage).
If you care about each other I don't suggest walking away. Sure, you two can slow down a bit... but I don't think waiting for your divorce to be finalized is the same as being married and participating in adultery.
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A
female
reader, brklynsis81 +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I don't think I understand what you are asking. Are you suggesting that you might walk away, because you are afraid that he might walk away first when he finds out about your divorce proceedings? That makes absolutely no sense. Either you want to stay with him or you don't. It sounds like maybe you think he will leave you and you want to beat him to the punch! I don't really think you can do much except be honest with him - the ball is in his court.
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