A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Alright Sunday night a guy I dated briefly contacted me via dating site we met on two years ago and I should probably mention that it ended ugly with his last words to me being F-off or something to that effect when I told him I was pregnant. Anyway so the message I get that night says and I quote "I'm here right now because of you I miss you I'm really serious" Huge shock to me. I wrote back and was polite but leery. I found it very odd immediately but I told myself it was all water under the bridge. He texted me off and on all day yesterday and was very addiment about seeing me again (also strange to me)I was still feeling leery of it but I finally agreed I would meet him for dinner sometime this weekend and we would talk. I know what I'm about to say sounds nuts so no need to point it out to me... I logged back on to the site earlier tonight and read his profile for the first time in two years only to discover that he and the love of his life are looking for a third partner male or female. What I am feeling right now is a mix of anger,hurt and confusion. Why ? why would he come to me after all this time after the way he left me ? He knows damn well he hurt me. I was doing so well until he made his encore appearance, is it to get one more good jab in to feed his ego? or his just so damn selfish that he thought if I said yes great if not who care? I swore I would never give that man another one of my tears but here I am old wounds open and packed with salt . Should I chew him out or just say nothing and block him again like I did the first time we broke up. I just feel so stupid for even entertaining the thought of ever giving him a second chance and more so for even being polite I should have listened to my gut feeling the moment I read that first message. I could really use some sound advice right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks I have to credit the monkey on a cupcake line to Everybody Loves Raymond but it just fit the way I was feeling to a T, but use away I don't think they mind:)
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (18 May 2010):
 That's using the ol' noodle...smart girl! Monkey on a cupcake, I like that, mind if I use it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoth answers have helped so much thank you for stopping me from doing something I would regret it's hard for me right now because I'm so angry I'm not seeing things very clearly right now but when I do calm down in a couple of days I'll be grateful that I listened to you guys. Part of me knows I'm not in the right mind-set to make decisions in this state but the other part of me just wants so badly to smack him or at the very least rip into him like a monkey on a cup cake because right now that sounds like a great idea.It's as if he woke up that day and decided to hatch a plan just to make sure I don't forget that he's the one who hurt me like it's some great accomplishment to be proud of, but your all 100% right about this situation I didn't let him see he broke my heart the first time and I'm not going to let him see me fall apart this time either .
*~*cowgirls don't cry*~*
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Don't go see him. Cancel the dinner and CUT the contact, he isn't interested in your as a person but as a cast in his "play" - maybe he wants to see if he can convince you to play the "third wheel" in a 3-some.
Honestly you have nothing to gain from re-kindling anything with him. Obviously he is in a relationship ( or pretending to be in one) yet he is showing up on dating sites, doesn't that tell you something about his morals and values?
And don't feel bad that you considered talking to him again, however, TRUST that gut of yours. You DON'T have to be nice or polite to everyone. Just those who deserve it ;)
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A
female
reader, candy2501  +, writes (18 May 2010):
i have to agree wif midge. an ex is an ex. u broke up, leave him, that part of life is already behind u. u deserve better ;D
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (18 May 2010):
 You're better off just letting it go. Don't confront him and don't get into an argument. It'll just show him you still have feelings for him, or at least make him think so. Just cut off all contact with him and ignore him. If he pursues further, just politely say no thank you and leave it at that.
Midge made some very good points. He's an ex for a reason, and the fact that they are looking for a third isn't exactly healthy. Stay out of the cycle and out of his world altogether. You are better off.
BTW, you're not stupid for seeing the good in people and being willing to give him a second chance. You are quite the opposite of stupid in fact. I don't think you should have done anything different. You proceeded with your heart... but with caution and stopped when something didn't seem right. Good job. :-)
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (18 May 2010):
Go with your gut feeling. It's most likely right. If he tossed you aside so unceremoniously over something as important as being pregnant, that tells me that this guy doesn't root deeply. He was on an adult hook-up site just b/c he missed you and his profile says he and Ms. Forever are looking for a third party?? Umm, I could be wrong, sweetheart, but I'm going with the original "leery" feeling. Sounds like you've got Mr. ALL-ME on your hands. It's all about him and nothing/no one else. Let him float right on by with the water under the bridge. I'm going to predict that his present flame has no clue that he an she are looking for a third party. I also predict that Mr. All-ME is thinking of you as an easy, minimal investment on his part, potential "third party" as in skids already greased. I suggest the freeze out, tell him good luck on that third party deal and this time he can do the F'ing off. Listen to your gut feeling!
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I am a firm believer that an ex is an ex for a reason. No matter whether it ended well or badly, I dont believe in taking them back. My own personal feelings I might add!
Yeah, you know people could say that you were silly and daft for even thinking it, but they arent the ones being played mind games with. Mind games are hurtful and played by a sadist filled with contempt. He is evil! He is playing mind games with you!
It seems to me that he still holds a torch for you, and the fact that he and his new love of his life is needing a third member on the team, just tells me how unhappy he is in his relationship that he feels he needs his old flame to fill that emptiness he has.
At the end of the day you are better off without the idiot! As you said, you were doing so well without the idiot and you will continue to do well if you have nothing to do with him. And the fact that you were polite just shows that you are just a nice person but a little easily led by his charm. There is nothing wrong with being polite, just make sure you use your politeness on the right person! Call the arse up an tell him to take a long walk off a short pier! Tell him that you have thought about what has happened, and thought about him, and have decided that you are better off without him!
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