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... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
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Why do I fall for guys so quickly?
Q. I dont understand why but if any guy gives me any kind of attention i seem to fall at their feet. I'm not the kind of girl that goes for looks, i always prefer personality. And i know this mind sound big headed but i'm not some terrible looking girl ...
A. 20 August 2013: My first thought is low self esteem. There are a million books out there that deal with that vey issue.... (read in full...)
He says he wants to see me and then backs out every time! What is with him?
Q. I met a guy a few months ago. He started texting me me a short while after. Our texts became pretty steamy. But he seems to go hot and cold. He says he wants to meet up. Three attempts have been made and he chickens out. Late Friday night he texte...
A. 18 August 2013: You sre "flirting" with BIG trouble(Anthony Wiener type trouble. change your phone number and run!... (read in full...)
Should I keep him in my life in any form or just cut my losses and forget about him completely?
Q. Me and a guy at work have been attracted to one another for several years now. We both came out of serious but painful relationships around the same time. Mine was a longer relationship so it took longer to get over. We both have one child e...
A. 18 August 2013: I think your instincts are serving you well and ANY advances that are unwanted should be a great warning sign so it sounds as if you've answered your own question. Serve yourself well and look onward.... (read in full...)
Married couples with a family don't take holidays apart from one another do they?
Q. I wonder if anyone has any advice, or have been in a similar situation. My husband wins lots of trips abroad through work. I'm talking Las Vegas staying in top hotels and Ibiza. While the trip is paid for food and drink etc is not. My proble...
A. 7 August 2013: He has a life and you don't,right? Time to pull up your big girl panties and do something about this situation. My choice, if I were you would be take whatever money you can and run. Lots of luck... (read in full...)
My husband is too good to divorce but we live in a 100% non sexual marriage
Q. My husband never hugs me, or looks at me. I don't understand him, because he says ,he loves me. He is completely non sexual with me. I feel totally deprived, and neglected. He is a nice man, he is working hard, and supportive with money.. He ...
A. 7 August 2013: What do you mean, what can I do? You've assumed the role of compliant and forfieted your happiness for his. Ergo you have already done what you can do.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be the "good enough for now girl" and be wasting my time!
Q. I'm 23, and my boyfriend is as well. We have been together for two years, and do not live together. Recently, I've been beginning to feel like our relationship is kind of at a stand still, like my boyfriend keeps putting the breaks on. He's a good ...
A. 6 August 2013: If I assume you mean he won't propose by saying things won't progress. and he's a good enough boyfriend. Then, I see trouble in the future. You cannot pressure some guy into wedlock knowing he's in the good enough catagory and expect a happy life ... (read in full...)
Twin Flames...A real or imagined concept?
Q. Do you believe in the concept of twin flames / soul mates? Do you think you've met yours? What does it feel like? Examples of movies that depict this kind of love are: The English Patient The End of The Affair Dangerous Beauty Brokeback ...
A. 6 August 2013: Yes, there is that one-ness that can be found. and when you find it never let go of it because years later you WIL regret it. Two souls that join and become one are always together but can be physically apart and even marry another but the joined ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with someone 16 years my senior again?
Q. I'm an 18 year old female, and on a course in France last week I had sex with a 34 year old course leader who I met that week...we were both very drunk and although I don't regret it I haven't told anyone because I can see why people would think ...
A. 6 August 2013: The age gap will always be there he may not so do what your heart says. The problem will be things like, he will always assume you have life experiences equal to his and will find himself stammering and fumbling about when he says things like; ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is so shy when it comes to sex that I feel like he doesn't want me. How can I get him to open up?
Q. My boyfriend is so shy in areas of sex and foreplay that it makes me feel like he doesn't want me. Whenever I say this to him he gets annoyed and angry with me. He says that he wants me, but he never expresses it and it's very hurtful for me. I've ...
A. 3 August 2013: Not unusual at all. Most guys are terrified of sex at first because we all fear rejection and are afraid we'll be too forward, move too fast or do something wrong. Once fear is assuaged though, all's well.... (read in full...)
At what point is it OK to buy lingerie for your girlfriend?
Q. Me and my gf have been seeing for a year and a half now . I’m thinking I would like to get a special gift. I’m thinking about lingerie. when is it ok to lingerie for your girlfriend? Any advice about getting lingerie for a girlfriend? Is that ...
A. 3 August 2013: I wouldn't do it, It would be kind of like trying to guess a woman's age or wieght...you don't ever do that!... (read in full...)
One white lie and my boyfriend ended the relationship. How can I fix this mistake?
Q. So recently I told my boyfriend a white lie, take in mind we've been together over a year and this is honestly the first lie I've ever told him, we've usually been open books with each other. It was something so stupid on my part and I take ful...
A. 3 August 2013: IF you are an alcoholic then lieing about one little drink is NOT a little white lie! It's the same thing as being a drunk for life. What if he just loves you too much to see you relapse? Try looking at the issue with him in your shoes and visa ... (read in full...)
I can't get into a relationship because of past porn issues. Please help!
Q. To make a long Story Short, I use to have a habit of watching porn at night and during the time that i would watch porn I would pleasure myself, this would happen every night. I loved the feeling it gave me but this happened at the beginning of ...
A. 3 August 2013: The GUILT you are imposing on your self is paralizing your brain. Get over yourself.Someone or some thing has frozen your sole with guilt of pleasuring your own body. Until you get past that issue you will be locked in time and unable to grow as a ... (read in full...)
Can you fall in love with someone without having ever talked?
Q. Can you fall in love with someone without ever having talked to them? I am in this date site. But I am not a gold member. So I can't talk to anyone, just when gold member contact me if I like their profile I can answer. I can get over hundreds em...
A. 3 August 2013: Sure you can "fall in love" with a vision of a 'person" but you must realize this vision is self defined and not a reality. If you don't mind living in a fantasy world then by all means keep on "loving thia word-smith.Beware though! This fantasy ... (read in full...)
What are men's opinions on girls who watch porn?
Q. what are men's opinions on girls who watch porn? Should we keep it to ourselves and lie to our bf/husband or fess up?...
A. 3 August 2013: In my opinion, women that enjoy looking at porn are very desirable as they have nearly the same lust for sex as men do. I don't guess you'll marry me?... (read in full...)
Stuck in an unhappy marriage. What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been married for over 15 years. For the most part it has been a good relationship. I've always been an easy going guy and not a lot rattles me, but over the course of the years I've really felt like I've taken it on the c...
A. 3 August 2013: Since my situation is almost the same...I have no good answers or suggestions. It seems to be a common thing though. Age is a terrible thing..it steals the sex and shortens the time of happy,happy,happy.... (read in full...)
Should I swallow? I always feel kind of sick afterwards
Q. When my boyfriend comes, I always swallow it. Is that bad for me? Is it unhealthy to ingest and can it make me sick? This only happens once or twice a week. Sometimes my stomach feels upset, but I'm not sure if swallowing is really upsetting my ...
A. 3 August 2013: you don't have to swallow,so why do it?... (read in full...)
What did her text mean? Was it good? Or not so good?
Q. Hello I,m a 52 year old man , and I,ve just been on a first date with a woman. we had lunch, and at the end of the date, I said can I text or call you and she said yes, but a few hours later, before I texted her to thank her ...
A. 31 July 2013: I think you should evaluate how she acted at lunch rather than dwell on her text. "reading voice and face is much more reliable than mere symbols on a phone screen. If you felt at the time that she was having a good time,etc. then ask her out again ... (read in full...)
My landlord wants to date me and is buying and fixing things in the apartment. It's scaring me, what do I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I've recently moved to a new city. I was pretty upset the first time I met my landlord, as my flatmates decided that me being the new girl, they could play a cruel trick. So he helped me out and sorted the situation. Compl...
A. 24 July 2013: Why/ The problem is what, you don't want stuff fixed? You're afraid he might want you to "put out" There's no real problem yet except he's flirting.... (read in full...)
I care for him a lot but I think he still has feelings for his ex
Q. Hi, me and this guy have been talking for a while now, and we both now have feelings for each other and care about each other a lot (we aren't dating though). The reason I'm very scared about getting into a relationship with him is because of hi...
A. 24 July 2013: Paragraph 5 answers your question for you. If you're sure he will always love her then it's foolish to get involved and get hurt.... (read in full...)
My wife is emotionally abusive and I don't love her anymore. How do I tell her I want a separation?
Q. Hello, and thanks for considering my question. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and have a 2 year old daughter. We've been through some trying times, but my wife has always been very financially supportive as the main breadwinner of t...
A. 24 July 2013: There is an entire world to explore. why tie youself down to an abusive,foul-mouthed b#@ch? Divorce costs a lot because it's worth it.... (read in full...)
Does chronic depression affect a man's erection and sex drive?
Q. Could my sexual dysfunction caused by low grade , chronic, depression? I have a very damaged sexual function, and my life is deeply effected by it. My wife is thinking about living me, because she feels,Im not attracted to her anymore, and she is ...
A. 24 July 2013: the brief answer to this concoluted question is: Yes, depression is a factor which is depressing in and of itself.... (read in full...)
I'm four months pregnant and I've just discovered my boyfriend's excessive porn use, much of which involves extreme stuff
Q. Yesterday I used my boyfriend's ipad (with his permission) and came across a search for a porn site. When I clicked on his history to see more, I saw that he watches porn (alot of it) every single day. There were at least 50 links per day, and ...
A. 24 July 2013: So, you snooped and now can unilaterally decide what is excessive? Why even stay with the guy? You've already decided he's unworthy for looking at internet vapor. Good luck. I hope you find a father for your child make sure he's a solid guy that ... (read in full...)
I feel inadequate because she loves someone with money more
Q. I need some help, lately I've been feeling inadequate in competing for the affections of a girl I'm apparently not even in the running for. I'm in love with my best friend, which she knows, and she's always telling me about her other friend who's ...
A. 19 July 2013: If it's money she wants,let her have at it. You need someone that wants you for you.... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if girlfriend was a virgin?
Q. hello dear aunts, I have recently start dating this girl, she has just turned 21. she recently confessed she was a virgin when we did it for the first time, however I've been skeptical. (sorry for being graphic) I gave her oral a few times, only ...
A. 19 July 2013: Let me say this clearly, "Who cares if she is or isn't a virgin?" I know there are some societies that make it important but who'd want to live there?... (read in full...)
When do couples start discussing the future?
Q. When do couples start discussing the future? And how do you go about it? This is my second relationship but the first one I didn't go about the correct way and I don't want to mess this one up. If someone could please help me I'd really appreciate ...
A. 19 July 2013: The sooner the better, otherwise, you pretend you'll both live forever and that does not work out.... (read in full...)
I am new to having sex but am worried something is wrong. I feel like I could pass out!
Q. i need some help. i had sex for the first time about two days ago. yeah i was nervous but also very comfortable since it was with my boyfriend who i love very much, and he also helped me feel comfortable. what i dont understand it right when i ...
A. 19 July 2013: Sounds to me like you were approaching orgasm???... (read in full...)
He woke me up and used the "two minute blow-up doll" method.
Q. So Im really mad right now. My husband and I dont have sex often ( maybe twice a week if that- NOT by my choice ( he gets mad if I complain or ask for 3-4 times a week.) So its almost 4 am. He woke me up around three ready to go. I was sound asleep ...
A. 19 July 2013: The "average number of BJs per month given by wives married more than 2 years is less than you give(about 2/month) so he's way ahead of the "fortunate" catagory. He obviously did not learn that the entire definition of GREAT SEX is to prove your ... (read in full...)
In the western culture... who pays the bill on a date?
Q. Hi Dearcupid, I came from asian background and i was on the dating website. Recently i meet a guy on line and went for a coffee date and one dinner date. Now i have a little question to ask " for the western culture, what should happen with...
A. 18 June 2013: The latest"trend" seems to be adoption of a Dutch custom, "Dutch treat" everyone finacially responsible for his/her own consumption.... (read in full...)
Is dating him worth the challenge?
Q. I'm getting to know this guy, and we are getting along well. I like the fact that he is mature and romantic. But I feel that maybe things might not work out, since he is a divirced dad that has full custody of his 3 year old and I'm 19 and he is 28. ...
A. 3 June 2013: Yeah, it could be a problem so could an earthquake. You need to do one thing; Calculate your ages when the 3 year old graduates high school and wonder aloud to each other will it have been worth it at that time. Life is a series of challenges but ... (read in full...)
Can a no strings attached relationship ever turn into a real relationship?
Q. hi there im back out on the dating scene again yeeaah well anyways i kinda want nsa's fun and no relationship however that seem to be somewhat hard as now the three guys im sleeping with want to have a realtionship yes all three bu...
A. 31 May 2013: nsa..let's see, is that no such anomoly, nothing savory alas? What's wrong with traditional one man/one woman love ever after?... (read in full...)
I am unsure how to help my online girlfriend with her sexual needs
Q. This will probably sound odd at first, but please bear with me. So for the past eight months, I have been dating this girl in MA online, and for the most part, everything has been going fine. We have our ups and downs, but we love oneanother deepl...
A. 31 May 2013: An "online girlfriend" is like imaginary friends. Get a real life it's healthier.... (read in full...)
Am I an idiot for being annoyed that b/f drank at party and pushed aside our plans?
Q. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years, and we are both 24. Neither of us drink, due to past issues in both families, and sharing the view that we don't need alcohol to have fun. Last week, a guy in his work was leaving, and so the offic...
A. 31 May 2013: No , you're normal and he's a cad for ruining your plans. I mean you can get drunk anytime.nut you can't please your mate any old time. those times you can please her/him are to be cherished.Like sex a good relationship comes from pleasing your ... (read in full...)
Why does he want to do it himself instead of being intimate with me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we are in love and live together. We have a really good and happy relationship apart from one thing. He would rather masturbate than have sex with me. Iv talked to him about it and he said that he ...
A. 31 May 2013: No, not too much to ask but wanting him to trade masturbation for a romp in the sheets might be a little too much pressure for now.Jerking off is a very personal activity.perhaps if you ask to watch so as to learn he might go along with that as a ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't watching porn boost his sexual drive?
Q. So my boyfriend and i have only been dating for about 5 months, when we first got together, we had a very healthy and consistent sexual relationship as well, it hasnt really been that way, lately we've had sex maybe 3 times a month, and its not ...
A. 31 May 2013: not really, not always. it might if you watched with him while in the nude.... (read in full...)
My husband always looks at other women and tells me that's normal. I can't bear it! Help?
Q. whenever i am out with my husband, he always look at other womens which i can't bear. its hurting me always. due to which i don't talk to my husband 2-3 days. but still he does the same. i spoke to him about this. he says it's normal. but i can't ...
A. 31 May 2013: It is normal for a man to "check out" other women. Would you rather him looking at other men?... (read in full...)
Can I live with my BF's selfish streaks?
Q. I need help understanding why all my relationships eventually disappoint me. My current relationship of 5 months was so great in the beginning. My BF was doting and treated me special. Now - it seems his priorities are shifting back - or maybe I'...
A. 31 May 2013: It very well could be you. Your expectations may be too high. Guys are by nature a "me first" problem to the typical woman. While we try to meet most of our woman's expectations in order to keep the peace, there are some(a lot) of things we cannot ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend quit his job, I'm the only one working. He's angry because I bought something for myself!
Q. My boyfriend quit his job because he hated it so much. We are in week 7 of him not having a job and I don't feel that he is really making much of an effort to look for one. I am paying his mortgage (my name is not on the house) and the food for the ...
A. 31 May 2013: For the sake of argument, let us reverse the roles for a moment. What If it was he that worked etc. and she that goofed off all day and complained that she wanted beers. Would the question posed herein be percieved differently? Just try ing to ... (read in full...)
I'm married so why am I seeking validation from other men?
Q. I'm a married woman in my twenties who still seeks validation from every man I see or meet. Meaning, I want them to find me attractive. What does that mean? Am I screwed up in the head, or are a lot of women like this? How do you get past something ...
A. 27 May 2013: you're normal!... (read in full...)
My gf is never interested in sex and I am starting to miss my ex. How should I deal with this?
Q. My girlfriend seems to never be interested in sex. We've been together for eight months now and only had sex TWICE, two months ago. It's getting to the point where I can't handle the frustration anymore. I take her out, I buy her gifts, flowers, ...
A. 27 May 2013: Twice in eight months can be considered a lot. Wait til you get married twice in 8 years can be a goal.... (read in full...)
How do you tell if a guy would make a good boyfriend?
Q. Say you're already friends with him, or even it's someone you don't know so well - when you get to know someone better, what are signs to watch out for and signs someone is a genuinely decent person? The reason I'm asking this question is beca...
A. 27 May 2013: The short answer is "You never know" but hope springs eternal, that's the fun of dating. The question is also,"how do you know if the girl would make a good girlfriend or not? Therein lies the quest for finding a great match. Sometimes it all ... (read in full...)
Hubby has no job and exchanges sexual pictures with girls online. Help?
Q. Ok im not sure what way to turn... i can really go to my friends like i want too because i dont want them to judge.... but all ive done is cry today... i been with my husband for 15 years off and on but only been married 4 months... we have 5 lil ...
A. 21 April 2013: If you know of a good divorce lawer check in with him/her and move forward. It's a darn shame about the kids, they didn't ask for this mess.Now if he can charge for his pictures that might constitue being a job.... (read in full...)
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