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... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
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So much pain. I don't know what to do now. save marriage? how? then what? Or divorce?
Q. I need help. I have not been married for long. when dating my future husband, he was quite emotionally abusive, and i ended up cheating with another guy. i got pregnant, and only realised i was pregnant after i got married. I told hubby and ...
A. 20 August 2012: I re-read the question and failed to find the word love in it. ergo the answer has to be, "Do you love him?" If yes, the answer is easy. if no the answer is easier... (read in full...)
I don't understand why is he acting this way?
Q. I met what seemed to be a really genuine guy on an online dating site. We spoke everyday for a week and arranged to meet. We had a fabulous first date and both agreed we clicked. We met up the next day and he came to my home and spent the night ...
A. 20 August 2012: Two reasons: 1.) you met him online..duhhh? we all seem like nice guys over the pgone or in an email. 2) you had sex within the first two weeks...duhhh? he was a creep get over it but learn from it and think more highly of yourself... (read in full...)
Men's advice please on what I should do about very distant man
Q. Hello, I am in a very confused state because of a man I am currently dating. We live in different cities. He is 40 (I am 30) and has recently divorced (seperated for 3 years). The relationship has been great and we are obviously crazy about each...
A. 12 August 2012: "Recently divorced" ? Duh! he's been killed emotionally and it'll take time to pull the knife out of his groan..Give space and distant understanding. Time heals*or so I hear).... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants sexual play involving her butt and I can't do it
Q. My girlfriend is great. I really love her not to mention her intelligence, sense of humor and...amazing looks. The other day we were had some shower sex that turned into regular sex -- recently she's been into 69, so that's what we did. To be ho...
A. 12 August 2012: Hang in there...you're not being wierd..it's kinda nasty to think about it but if you want to get her off clean her up with moist wipes and go for it!... (read in full...)
How do I try and get my boyfriend to be more adventurous in bed without scaring him or making him feel pressured?
Q. Okay so I'm in a lovely relationship with a guy who has only had a two week relationship prior to me. However, although the physical side is good I feel unfulfilled by it. Maybe because with my Ex we had a very exciting sex life and tried lots of ...
A. 17 July 2012: Here's an idea that worked on me. "honey, I was readying an article in Cosmo(or any other mag.) that said if you were to go down on me I would have a screaming good orgasm, Do you thing you could try that out on me some time?" That way it's not ... (read in full...)
What is it about these actions I do during sex that turns him on?
Q. Hey everyone i have a question for the Guys; When my husband and i have sex it seems like he likes it more when im giving him a hand job my knee to be pushed on his balls and during sex he comes fast when i suck on his finger. Can you please l...
A. 17 July 2012: everyone is different so no "pat" answer will do.just keep up the great work. that's the best way to keep your man from straying find what he loves and do it.expanations are noy required.... (read in full...)
What's wrong with me? I don't understand.
Q. I'm 33 years old mother of 3 been married 12 years husband has looked at porn since he was a teenager. At first I was mad about it then realized He wasn't gonna stop no matter what. So I accepted it even though it hurt. He has told me when he ...
A. 17 July 2012: it's typical for the female to see porn as somehow a threat or something. but males see porn as excitement and read nothing into it other than what it is...images to admire and envy... (read in full...)
I like watching women in porn but want to date men, what does this mean?
Q. I like to watch women strip but i dont want to be with a woman. It's easier to orgasm when thinking about a woman stripping or seeing it in porn but i can orgasm to hot men too...however, in reality, i want to be with a man and have a romantic ...
A. 17 July 2012: It means that like every other red-blooded person on the planet you appreciate the sight of the female body. don't read anything into it you're just like the rest of us all out here.... (read in full...)
Husband insists on going clubbing without wife - why
Q. So here's my problem in a nutshell I believe my husband is having a midlife crisis and I don't see a way back from this - so any advice will be appreciated. We are both in our forties and some months ago he started going out with his friends on ...
A. 17 July 2012: Yep. end of the road is here.... (read in full...)
How do you cope moving far away from family to go to University?
Q. How do you cope moving far away from family to go to University? First off, I'm not the 'traditional' student. I'm 23, have a great relationship with my mom, not really into the whole being alone, living it up partying phase, I feel like I've ...
A. 9 June 2012: It was `1962 and i was dropped off at college some 3 thousand miles from home and friends. lonely ness was heavy but i met new people got a job and my world opened up. i'd suggest to find a job doing ANYTHING. your life will begin.... (read in full...)
When he confessed it wasn't what I thought it would be!
Q. I am 24 and I met this genuinely loving guy at a charity organisation which helps disabled children get into sport. Anyway, we started dating 9 months ago and he has asked me to move in with him. I agreed and am in the process of packing my stuff. ...
A. 13 March 2012: Consult an attorney, get a pre-nup and assuage any guilt you might have or concerns his family has... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to ignore his ex's pregnancy and marry me
Q. My boyfriend and I had a brief break up in January an during our break up he had a brief sexual encounter with a young woman (she is about 25) he is 49. He also has Bipolar 2. She is now pregnant. He says he does not want anyhting to do with her ...
A. 13 March 2012: So, let me understand...He has a treatable condition that involves a permanent excuse for his 'mistakes' and you are confused as what to do? Maybe I missed something but it shoud seem clear that you're not concerned for your own well being going ... (read in full...)
My g/f has had 35 plus partners and I know 4 of them!
Q. my girlfriend of 10years has had about 35previous partners an i can't stop thinking about it and 4of them i know. i have these feelings of anger alot i still even think theres more an she is lying an theres a chance she cheated with 2 or 3 aswell im ...
A. 9 March 2012: As I see it, you have two choices; Leave(abandon) OR, realize the world is not all about you.... (read in full...)
What is he really saying when a guy says he's not ready to be in a relationship?
Q. There's this guy and I know for sure he likes me but he says he's not ready to be in a serious relationship because he broke up with his girlfriend 2 months ago. He said that I'm really beautiful and he's given a lot of thought about us. What d...
A. 9 March 2012: Here's a secret...Men are adverse to commitment AND as a result do everything in their power to avoid saying" I love you" or "Will you marry me?" they see, "I'm not ready" as a polite way of breaking up so that it avoids confrontations or ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that my boyfriend masturbates when he sees me on Skype?
Q. hi everyone! im in a long distance relationship. we talked on skype with my boyfriend for a year now. is it normal that sometimes he masturbate when he see me in camera? but i pretend that i dont know what hes doingwe just keep talking.. i have ...
A. 2 March 2012: yeah it's normal because you're "pretending to not know" so it's exciting to him.You're promoting it so if you don't like it, stop pretending.... (read in full...)
I don't want to do anything without my boyfriend. Help!
Q. Help i dont want to do anything but be with my boyfriend! Im very much in love with my boyfriend! we get on great and seem to have an almost perfect relationship. He works, im at uni and do bank work. Other than this i find myself not wanti...
A. 2 March 2012: First love becomes an obsesion especially to the youngest. Obsesions can become debilitating and need to be delt with before they consume you. No judgement here it is "normal" to want what you want but you must and apparently you have realized... (read in full...)
Is this wedding invite a sign that he wants something more?
Q. I have had a crush on this guy for sometime, and I have been invited to his family wedding. Its 4 months to go. It will be around 200 guests and very family orientated. We have been more than friends for a while, but not into a relationship enough ...
A. 29 February 2012: It's probably an innocent invite to a girl he knows will not imbarass him by doing something stupid at a formal event. If was going to "make a move" on you he would have done so long ago, I don't think there's a hidden motive here. Generally ... (read in full...)
I didn't enjoy seeing my wife kiss another woman. Is there something wrong with me?
Q. I'm a guy. I've been married for 2 years. Tonight my wife was out at a friends. I know she's dabbled in lesbian sex, and I'm ok with the idea, or thought I was. Tonight her friend was with kissed her while I watched. (I was at home we were on cam) ...
A. 26 February 2012: I'm not sure why you would think something was wrong with you for being a bit upset about seeing your wife kiss another person. Do you think you should have been excited and were not? If that's the case then her "plan" to turn you on failed and ... (read in full...)
Should I jump ship for my old high school crush?
Q. Ive been in a relationship for the past 8yrs and we have been through a lot. He is also 7 years older. i know im not the pretty young thing like i used to be but things feel like their going nowhere. No more spark. not much conversation. not too ...
A. 24 February 2012: Well, at 67 I still remember those feelings of First Love...they're always etched in your brain,however life changes and I suspect my appearances would be unacceptable now to her so I must move those thoughts to the last cubby hole in the brain.... (read in full...)
Men and fidelity.....
Q. do men always secretly want to have sex with other women when they are in a relationship/married...to be specific when they are in love with their partner. are the faithful men faithful because they are obliged to? is it that men have to control ...
A. 22 February 2012: Sadly, there's a lot of near-truth in your concerns. Men have sexual fantasy off and on all the time whereas women rarely think about sex. The deepness of love has little to do with the fantasy "machine" that just rolls on through the male brain. ... (read in full...)
Guys if you found out your girl was an older virgin would it be a deal-breaker?
Q. Guys, if you found out that the girl you liked was still a virgin would this make you more interested in her, or would it be a deal breaker? If she's an older virgin at that....
A. 13 February 2012: What? I didn't know there were any virgins left in this world. Be proud, hold your head up high and forget "deal breaker" terms. You are a treasure. The guy that finds you will be the happiest and luckiest on the earth. Forget those thoughts of ... (read in full...)
Is making love different from other sex?
Q. Tonight I met my lover, who is a married woman. We have been together 2.5 years. I am not married and she has told me in the past that she does not plan to leave her husband. She seemed very eager to see me. She gave me a very thorough and nau...
A. 9 February 2012: How many stard ar there in the sky? That's how many ways there are to define love.Who knows what she has in mind? I'm thinking she wanted oral sex.... (read in full...)
He's on line trying to meet new women. His impotence is an issue. Do I break up over his lies?
Q. My Man of 4 years has severe ED. We have only been able to have actual sexual intercourse twice..We've done other things to keep our sexual connection alive. Nothing has been happening at all in this area for a good 8 weeks and today I found out ...
A. 6 February 2012: My thought is he's desperately trying to find that"spark" again by looking on-line for that thing that ignites a man's libido. To me it's all good and harmless.It might be cheaper than the pills and safer too.... (read in full...)
Could I be bi-sexual? I like looking at pictures of women
Q. i find clothed and naked girls attractive but think doing sexual things with them is wrong. I'm unsure if this makes me straight or bisexual, just asking what everyone else thinks?...
A. 6 February 2012: in my opinion you're just like millions of other women. There is nothing more lovely than the female body. That's just the way it is(sigh)... (read in full...)
Is he serious or he is not?
Q. Dear all I need to get some good advise from you guys here. First of all, I get to know this guy online. He is 30, myanmar, Virgo and I am 34, Chinese, libra. We met each other after chatting online for 10 days then we decide to meet up. Aft...
A. 5 February 2012: First, let me toss out the star wars references(I know nothing about astrological stuff). The age difference is enough worry over. Cultural difference not so much. girls from china are highly adaptable(in my experence) so no worry there. ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting a female to play with as my husband can't have sex often?
Q. my husband has health problems so we only make love about 2 times a year i give him oral sex about once a month. i have a dildo and i pleasure myself with it all the time. im wanting another female to play with am i wrong for wanting this. i love my ...
A. 5 February 2012: I would think you could find a "willing" female online or in a bar but then you have the whole "health thing" to worry about. It sounds to me that he gets more than most husbands as it is.... (read in full...)
I really want to give him head. Is this normal?
Q. Dear cupid, I'm 19, I've been seeing this guy for 5 months, he's 23. I've known him for a year now, but only started taking it further in Sept 2011. We've been through our ups and downs, and we do communicate a lot, he's very straight up with ...
A. 5 February 2012: If I were a girl, I'd stick to handjobs, guys like it better(secretly) and you don't have that delema of swallow or not swallow.... (read in full...)
B/f says he wants to marry me but talks about this girl every day
Q. My fiancé and I have been together for a little over a year. We have come to our "plateau" in our relationship. But he will not communicate with me at all. He thinks I do everything wrong and he does everything right. I want to just sit and have a ...
A. 5 February 2012: Doesn't sound like a real positive way to start off a 'til death do us part" relationship. You two might want to re-examine the future together.... (read in full...)
Should I cut off my friendship with him? He's acting different now
Q. This guy and I are recent friends. Sometimes I kid or joke around with him and enjoy his company. Sometimes by the way he acted I felt like he had feelings for me. He even told me something about having thoughts and feelings towards me and I kind of ...
A. 5 February 2012: No, never cut off a friendship. Friends are too hard to come by. He's probably feeling guilty for his "near miss" with developing a deeper friendship with you and is embarassed about his new relationship. Let him know how you feel about his new ... (read in full...)
Is too much sex bad for my relationship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have shared a brilliant and adventurous sex life. I have a very high sex drive and he has always been able to keep up until recently he is turning me down more and more. I initiate the sex I'd say 4 ...
A. 5 February 2012: It's my view that there is no such thing as too much money, chocolate or sex.... (read in full...)
No double standard - I just want one off sex
Q. I'd like advice about meeting with a guy I met online. To lead up to this question, I must explain I've only been in long lasting relationships since I was 15. I've never really been single. My ex cheated on me last month and I'm still upset, but my ...
A. 3 February 2012: why not just buy a vibrator and forget the whole emotional issues?... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want sex any more. Can any one suggest what things need fixing to improve this situation?
Q. My wife and I have been married 15 years. We have a miserable sex life and have for a long time. It started very early in our relationship where within a year we went from: "I have never been so loud during sex. Can we do it again?" to "Do...
A. 3 February 2012: Take it from one who has been around a long time.women don't retain their sex-drive much past the thied year of being together. You can look forward to a sexless maraige or get a divorce. Those sadly are the only options. Good luck... (read in full...)
How do I manage how I feel over his over zealous anxious checking up on me all the time?
Q. Hi All, thanks for stopping by and reading this. I have been dating a man for coming up to year now. he has lots going on his life. Eg: he is a full time carer for his disabled sister, and has three kids from an ex that he takes a lot ( they don...
A. 3 February 2012: "he has a lot going on in his life" is an understatement. In my opinion, he's taken on a HUGE responsibility and more power to him. his commitment is to be envied, but in doing so his mindset has changed to be the one who checks in all the time ... (read in full...)
I can't get past his cheating ways..what should I do?
Q. Hi am miss caribbean. I am in a relationship over eight Years and I hate the way my boyfriend treats me. he cheat on me for two years and I stayed with him but I can't get over it. it hurts what should I do it makes me cry in the nite his family ...
A. 30 January 2012: If the one you loves hurts you then it' NOT love, it's masochistic. Run... (read in full...)
Which woman do I pick? My long term gf or the new woman, I feel sexually attracted to?
Q. hi im 32 im a gay woman and been with my girlfriend over a year. dont live together yet but we are engaged. thing is we had some ups and downs and i just no longer fancy her and lost my sex drive months ago. i love her so much and enjoy her company ...
A. 30 January 2012: It's like trying to pick out a rose bush. Pick the one that will grow and florish in your environment.... (read in full...)
Just learned that my wife cheated while we were engaged
Q. I just found out my wife cheated on me when we were engaged. I'm really confused about what to do. Part of me wants to just leave and get a divorce, but my wife and I have been married for more than 10 years and 3 children. My trust in her is ...
A. 26 January 2012: I had the same "problem" and to this day (almost 50 yrs later) I wish I'd been a man and left her. That would be my advice.Start over!... (read in full...)
Girlfriend going off physical affection killing relationship
Q. Need some serious advise!.. I'm gay and ive been dating this lovely girl for about 6 months now.. We're both 18 and the first few months of our relationship were fantastic and we had fun and amazing sex.. We broke up for a month last year, and now ...
A. 25 January 2012: I'd bet she is telling you the truth, women tend to not be "in the Mood" a lot of the time. It's not personal it's just a homone thing.... (read in full...)
He will Will but I wont!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years has told me that he has already changed his will although we are not married yet to make me a beneficiary (along with ather beneficiaries). I have a will as well (predating our relationship) but have not made him a benefici...
A. 24 January 2012: Being a VERY suspicious person by nature, I smell a scam,be carfull and watch your back.... (read in full...)
Can our relationship survive the distance and years apart?
Q. So, there's this girl. She is almost seventeen, finishing high school, and I am 18 in first year engineering. We've been casual friends for close to 2 years now. Except 5 months ago, we somehow ended up in a relationship, and turns out, we really ...
A. 20 January 2012: You're lucky in that the internet makes things so much easier than in my early years. Back then it was letters once a week to try to keep the passion aglow. Didn't work.You must work hard for the things you want. email her every hour if need be ... (read in full...)
Am I to blame for getting dumped?
Q. I used to talk dirty with my very close guy friend P (read: sexting). We had a deal that it was just for fun and only talking and it wasnt gonna go anywhere. But one day we had a drunken makeout session. Soon after our friendship soured and we ...
A. 20 January 2012: Sometimes the expectations of others is so far out of line with the other that stuff "blows up' don't blame yourself or him...next time clear and concise comunications will help avoid "sucky' problems.... (read in full...)
Do I need to continue or end it?
Q. Hello there! Do I need to continue or end it? We've been together for 3 years. People always told me that he's cheating on me, but I don't mind because I know he's into me. That time I don't believe there are people like that who really cheats their ...
A. 19 January 2012: You may never know for sure but the suspision is enough for you to act positively in your own defense. Why wait for the possible pain of confirmation?... (read in full...)
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