A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I wonder if anyone has any advice, or have been in a similar situation. My husband wins lots of trips abroad through work. I'm talking Las Vegas staying in top hotels and Ibiza. While the trip is paid for food and drink etc is not. My problem is that in my opinion married couples with a young family don't take holidays apart. I would never want to have experiences like that without him or our children, and I'm hurt that he goes. He always does go, I always get upset and things just seem to get worse every time. Part of my issue is that we hardly ever go out, our holidays (rare) are short breaks in caravans because "we don't have the money" or "he can't take time away from work". My husband works really long hours in the city and I feel so resentful that we get such little time as a family. He spends most of his life with his colleagues and they get his vacation time too.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 August 2013):
 He has a life and you don't,right? Time to pull up your big girl panties and do something about this situation. My choice, if I were you would be take whatever money you can and run. Lots of luck
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 August 2013):
 If he really gave a darn about you... he'd figure out how to make those "prize-vacations" in to family affairs....
That he doesn't, tells you that he is so self-centered as to think that it's OK to dump on you, passively, whilest he goes along and enjoys himself WITHOUT YOU. Great husband and partner he is!!!!!
Tell him - just once - how you feel about this. IF that doesn't trigger any change(s) in his behaviour, then chalk this up to a marriage that has run its course... and reconcile that you will be better off without him....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): Your husband sounds like a married single-man.
He gets time off from being a husband and a father. He selfishly enjoys his holidays without the burden of his family.
Perhaps it is just a business-practice in the UK; but here in America, companies are usually family-oriented. They don't award married employees expense-paid vacations that don't include their wives or families.
That is, unless the employee only "selects" those bonuses that only reward him/her, personally. I suspect that is the case with your husband.
Most often companies grant a blanket award; given in a form that the employee can use it to the benefit of his/her family as a whole. Cash awards, gift-cards, or family getaways to amusement parks or ball-games.
That excludes business-related conferences, trade-fairs, or
conventions. The company isn't going to spring for the expenses of an extended family in those cases.
In my own experience, attendance is mandatory for the employee. So if you're including this particular situations, it isn't really up to him.
Depending on his line of work, they can happen pretty frequently; especially, if there is the sale of products involved.
He may be given incentives that may not be that much to begin with. It depends on how much he puts into it, that determines what he gets in return.
That aside, there is a crack in your marriage. He just isn't there. He seems to remain; because it's cheaper than divorce. A man who loves and appreciates his wife and family, doesn't enjoy lone-vacations and getaways. He does everything for the benefit of his spouse, and children. He has to put his family first.
He does whatever he pleases; because for all these years you've passively allowed it. Only now it's really starting to get to you to the degree you're speaking out about it.
The question is, why haven't you made this apparent to him?
If he didn't have kids, the modern married-couple do take separate vacations. Based on accrued vacation time; or conflicting work schedules. They may just want to getaway with their friends separately.
Not the case when you have kids together.
You want to know what to do about it?
You have a talk with your spouse. You tell him if he feels his family isn't important enough to share his good fortune; perhaps it be more convenient, if he supported them in a separate household. While he carried on his life independently as he is now. You feel he has selfishly neglected the family when it comes to time away. You want to share time alone with him, and to take the family away for family-vacation.
You may have to do the planning. Some guys are just not good at that. So it's something you must sit-down together and plan out financially, and where to go. If you are waiting for him to do it alone, keep waiting.
Now if you're a new family, the company is being insensitive to you and the children. It is up to him to find ways that he can compensate for that. He just doesn't seem to desire to do it. Evidenced by the fact he does it repeatedly. He doesn't want your nagging, and the crying children. He wants to escape his duties.
Tolerate a selfish husband and father to your children; or lay down the law. If it's not family-friendly, trade it for something that is.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (4 August 2013):
 my aunt and uncle, who have 2 kids do! they each took one or sometimes both when the kids were younger. they say it helps strengthen the marriage...but honestly i think its just wierd!
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