A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So Im really mad right now. My husband and I dont have sex often ( maybe twice a week if that- NOT by my choice ( he gets mad if I complain or ask for 3-4 times a week.) So its almost 4 am. He woke me up around three ready to go. I was sound asleep but happy to oblige him sinve, who knows when Id get it again. We had "sex" if you can call it that, I want to say it was less than two minutes. He jumped off of me and I just said "really?" He tried to do it again but had already gone soft. I was really upset and just told him I didnt appreciate being used like a blow up doll and next time he needed to at least make it feel good for me. Im just pissed. I wait for it all week + then that... shit. Id get a better screw using a freaking dildo! Im so exasperated with this crap. He never wants to have sex "my way". He doesnt go down on me because he doesnt like it, wont do anal very often, I have to.beg. Doesnt have sex with me often. Im a pretty sexual person, but I bite my tongue and just figure he will "take care" of me when he can. But then he doesnt. We have two young kids and he works- wants me to stay home with the kids so as of four months ago, I dont work. When he does this, it makes me want to cheat. . Well not want to cheat, Id much rather have him, but when I talk about my desires he either makes a joke of them or just shuts me down right from the get go. He doesnt seem to care about me being satisfied. I dont love giving bjs or swallowing but I make sure to get really into it and do it for him because it makes him happy. I tried to even compromise and said Id give him unlimited bjs and sex if he could just go down on me for ten minutes once a yr. But he wont. Now Im frustrated. Any advice would help. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): Tell him that you want an 'open marriage' meaning that you want him to give you permission to sleep with other people. Or you can just announce that you have decided you will do this if he doesn't make changes. Explain that this is because he has continually refused to meet your needs even though you meet his all the time. So if he refuses to meet your needs the least he can do is allow you to get your needs met elsewhere. Surely he can agree that this is only fair? Tell him that if he has a problem with you sleeping with other people then you can get divorced, but you really don't want that and probably he doesn't either. So basically give him these choices: (a)he can choose to not change and as a result you will file for divorce, or (b) he can choose to not change and let you take a lover , or (c) he can actually make changes to do his part to satisfy you which would take the first two options off the table.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 July 2013):
 Basically what it comes down to is that your husband is being selfish. Unfortunately there is no special trick you can do to fix it. It all comes down to whether or not he is willing to work on this issue or not. If he isn't willing, there really isn't anything you can do to MAKE him care about your marriage, even if he is "in the wrong" here. I'm really sorry this is happening.
What I recommend you do is make an appointment to sit down and talk about this. You should each bring a list of things you need to work on to it and try to come up with solutions for them. If he's not even willing to do that, you unfortunately have your answer from him about whether he really wants this marriage to continue.
I also always ask when someone this young loses his sex drive, does he use porn and/or excessively masturbate?
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A
female
reader, myboyfriendsacnt  +, writes (20 July 2013):
I just posted something very similar. Inbox me if you like?! We could go through the frustration together & have a good old whinge / try come up with solutions ??! X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): Hi Im the poster. I stopped giving him bjs months ago ( although I still do it every now again. He doesnt care. If I had it my way, Id have sex everyday. He doesnt like going down on girls, and I get that, so thats fine. But Im to a point where I actually look at other ppl, men, women, it doesnt matter. Ive never looked at anyone sexuallu other than the person Im with. Sadly I cant afford marriage/sex therapy. I have had a few serious conversations, he just says that hes sorry, hes tired, says hes working or stressed, tired, not in the mood, his drive has gone down. I get it. I understand. It just sucks I mean he gave me such a hard time after we had our first child ( he wanted it multiple times a day back then) and after I had him, I couldnt have sex for seven weeks (stitches) but I gave him at least three bjs a week and jerked him and such. But now that the tables are turned he doesnt do for me, sexually like I did for him. And I physically couldnt have sex, he can he just doesnt want to or try. I just dont understand. He even told me if you arent happy then leave. I told him I love you Im just waiting out this two yr funk and he said well you are goingvto be waiting awhile :( Its just really heart breaking. When we first got together he was sexually fixated so much so he almost broke us up because he was doing things he shouldnt ( not physically cheating) Yet now, it just hurts that I have to beg him to aknowledge me sexually when before he was so preoccupied with sex he almost destroyed us. It just makes me geel bad.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 July 2013):
You need to sit him down and let him know how serious this is for you and have a real discussion about it. Your needs are being ignored but he's using you to meet his. It's completely one sided. If you can afford it I would suggest couples therapy.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 July 2013):
 The "average number of BJs per month given by wives married more than 2 years is less than you give(about 2/month) so he's way ahead of the "fortunate" catagory. He obviously did not learn that the entire definition of GREAT SEX is to prove your partner with whatever it takes to make them achieve orgasm no matter how often or how long. otherwise it's just nothing more than excercise.
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A
female
reader, eleveneleven +, writes (19 July 2013):
This is just terrible. I think most men would be ecstatic if their wife wanted sex 3-4 times a week! Not sure what the deal is with your husband but there has to be an underlying issue as to why he is acting this way. Maybe there is something wrong with his libido, or maybe he is getting it elsewhere. I would suggest you sit down and have a deep conversation with him. No yelling or putting him down for not satisfying your needs, just tell him how you feel. If it goes through one ear and comes out the other, then stop giving him bjs and swallowing, so he can get a taste of his own medicine. Ultimately, if things don't improve and your sex toy is not enough, go out and get you some.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): As awkward as it sounds, i think you should insist on the two of you seeing a sexual counselor. you two dont seem all that compatible. Maybe he hates going down on women, no one should be forced to do something they hate... but at the same time, they can't expect their partner to just give give give with nothing in return. You two definitely need to work on this, but the only thing I think you can do on your own (without his cooperation) is explain to him how you feel, if that doesnt get any results, deny him what he wants... but in the long run how long will you be able to keep that up? not too long.... which is why i think for the good in the long run you need to convince him to work with you to compromise, or find other outlets like masturbating :\ tho that sounds like a dull sex life to lead when ur married
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