A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend seems to never be interested in sex. We've been together for eight months now and only had sex TWICE, two months ago. It's getting to the point where I can't handle the frustration anymore. I take her out, I buy her gifts, flowers, etc. I'm romantic and she says she likes that about me but when it comes time to be intimate, she comes up with a convinient escuse like 'i'm sick' or 'Can't make it today, stuck at an interview'. I would reschedule for the next day but she would just come up with another escuse. It's funny how I can take her out and buy her stuff and she's perfectly healthy and available then. It's starting to feel like I'm being used. To makes matters worse, I bumped into my ex last week. We starting talking and in the span of only a couple days, we have been more physical with eachother (no sex) than my girlfriend and I have been in two months. I acknowledge that I have cheated but I honestly dont feel bad about it. I dont want to be with my ex but she is being super sexual with me and its hard to turn her down.I have told my gf that the no sex thing is a dealbreaker for, she promised she would change yet she still makes escuses everytime we have the oppurtunity. I know I'll get flak for this but I'm craving my ex's touch more than anything right now. I'm tired of being neglected and rejected constantly by my gf. Yet my ex willingly and excitedly wants to go further. I do have strong feelings for my gf but the no sex is driving me away. I did consider keeping my ex a secret I know that will eventually blow up in my face sooner or later. What should I do? I apologize for the typos. I'm currently using my mobile phone to post this and it's extremely difficult to press the keys accurately.
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flowers, miss my ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 Twice in eight months can be considered a lot. Wait til you get married twice in 8 years can be a goal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): I agree with everyone else and it is clear this is not the relationship for you. However I would like to comment on one thing you said - that the last time you had sex it lasted over an hour. I might have read it wrong, but I'd like to point out that it is a myth that women want sex to last as long as possible. Even 30 mins is too long for most as it starts to get very raw and painful down there. If your girlfriend was sore after its much more likely to be due to lack of lubrication/length of time having sex rather than your size. So maybe something to think about? Not that I'm saying that's the only issue here but maybe keep it in mind for the next girlfriend :)
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 May 2013):
She probably just doesn't like sex. Not just with you, but in general. Dump her and stop answering her phone calls.
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A
male
reader, GrYmsin +, writes (27 May 2013):
OP update: She's not affected. We both visited the clinic together and we're both clean. I did ponder on the possibility of her getting it somewhere.else which is part of the reason I broke up with her.
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A
male
reader, GrYmsin +, writes (27 May 2013):
Thank you for your advise. The last timr we had sex it lasted well into the hour, she even complained that it took too long. The first time we had sex, I tried to go a second round but she said she was too sore. I'm not massive but I always get girls telling me im big.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I'm not sure how this is even a question. You already said that you told your current girlfriend that no sex is a deal-breaker, and you and your ex have already started seeing each other again.
Why are you dilly-dallying? Break up with your current girl, and move on to the girl who is satisfying your needs.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): No wonder you're frustrated!
Either she's getting it somewhere else or there's some other reason - she might be infected with an STD for instance and doesn't want to pass it on to anyone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): Sex twice in 8 months means she loves gifts and flowers; but she's not that into you. Lets give her benefit of the doubt and wonder if there is a legitimate reason for her not being so interested.Maybe she feels you'll lose interest if she seems too easy; and she's holding out for marriage. Nah! Maybe not.Maybe sex is over too soon and she never reaches orgasm?Maybe not that either. If you've spoiled her by spending a lot of cash, she's probably a gold-digger looking for a sugar daddy. If you are well-endowed, sex may painful for her. In either case; you're a catch and she may not like sex, but you're romantic and a great sugar-daddy. This may be more the case.Give her a kiss good-bye, and go hangout with your ex for a while.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 May 2013):
 Howizzit???? ..... that you've spent as long as 8 months with this woman??????? Did you never get to the third date??????
good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): Op end the "relationship" with this supposed girlfriend.
The first 8 months should be all about tearing each others clothes off and boning every chance you get. If this is the honeymoon stage of this then what the hell is it going to be like when that ends?
You said it was a dealbreaker and it is. For pretty much everyone OP, time to move on.
Also OP your this other girls ex for a reason. That's going to be messy as hell, I understand your frustration but she's bad news. I mean she's trying to steal you away from what is likely a very nice girlfriend (lack of sex not withstanding of course).
Good for a rebound shag and FWB's for a month or two before you move on to a more suitable girl.
You owe it to your girlfriend and yourself to end that relationship.
I mean come on she promised she'd change, well shit all she had to do to change is take her knickers off. Not rocket science OP, but she's not going to change, because all it takes is opening her legs and she promises to do that sometime in the future?
No thanks. Goodbye.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 You are being used. It's wrong that you cheated but to be fair I'm not surprised. I'd end your relationship because your putting everything into it and getting nothing in return.
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A
male
reader, GrYmsin +, writes (27 May 2013):
OP update: I did leave her recently but she begged me to come back. I gave in and now im regretting it. As of now, no, I get nothing out of this relationship and im considering. I dont want my ex but I am attracted to her. She has already given me more sexually in the last few days than.my gf has in two months. I think thats a sign that we are just not meant for eachother
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A
female
reader, Hollyhock +, writes (27 May 2013):
As you are sexually frustrated at the moment it is not surprising that you feel attracted to your ex girlfriend who is obviously a sexual woman. But that doesn't mean you have to act on it or get back together with her. Don't do anything with your ex as that would be disrespectful to your current girlfriend and will only complicate things. Right now you need to think about whether you would be prepared to go into a long term relationship (i.e. marriage) wih your current girlfriend. She sounds like she has a very low sex drive - nothing wrong in that, but coupled with a man with a normal sex drive it could spell disaster in the form of frustration, infidelity and affairs. You have told your girlfriend that sex (or lack of) is a deal breaker so you have been honest and upfront with her which is good, Remember that a good sex life is vitally important for most couples, no matter what their age. However, I doubt that your current girlfriend will suddenly change how she feels about sex, and she probably won't turn into a highly sexual woman in the future. You need to first have a good talk with your girlfriend and explain how upsetting and frustrating this is to you. Depending on her reaction, you have two choices:1. You stay with your current girlfriend and see how things go - it may be that you have to accept that sex will be sporadic if at all. 2. You reluctantly break up with your girlfriend and find someone who has the same sex drive as you.A horrible situation, but I do hope you work something out.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (27 May 2013):
 If I'd only had sex with a partner twice ever I'd have left them so you must be getting something else out if this relationship.
I'm assuming your girlfriend either a) has a low sex drive or b) isn't as sexually attracted to you as you are to her... You could try pulling away from her a bit and see if she makes some more effort?
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