A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:I need some help, lately I've been feeling inadequate in competing for the affections of a girl I'm apparently not even in the running for. I'm in love with my best friend, which she knows, and she's always telling me about her other friend who's also in love with her. We both send her gifts and treat her like gold. Admittedly this other guy has more money than me at the moment, haphazardly during a phone conversation tonight there was a tally of who sends her things IE letters, gifts, postcards, more often. Apparently they write letters back and forth. She tells me its not a competition and I believe her, because I'm not even in the race. Apparently this dude just broke up with his girlfriend because he felt he was cheating on her with how he felt about my friend. Not to mention him always sending her letters and stuff. And she tells me he's talking about moving there to be with her. And she just had all of her money stolen and he's sending her more tomorrow -_-I took her out on a really expensive date while she was here but I don't feel like she appreciated it at all. And she's always saying how she wished she had acknowledged him when she had the chance. I don't think its healthy to compare myself to him, but I do it anyway and it makes me jealous and angry. Every time she brings him up I fight the urge to straight up ask her what's he have that I don't? Is it just money? It's really driving me crazy and making me feel inadequate...Lately i've been trying to steel my heart and not let these things affect me, but sometimes you I just can't help myself. I need someone to tell me how to overcome these feelings of inadequacy. Also, should I ask her about this or no? I'm thinking not, wouldn't help anything. And in the event that I were to get money, should I even waste my time? I mean can you ever really be happy with a girl who didn't acknowledge you or give you the time of day before you had money?
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best friend, broke up, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2013): The friendzone didn't exist then I wonder why the term is so well understood and recognized by men?
It is very real. Girls dont always think it exists because most of the guys put into it never stood a chance with the girl no matter how they played the game. But some of the guys on the borderline would have had a chance with the girl if they had played the game right.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 July 2013):
 If it's money she wants,let her have at it. You need someone that wants you for you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 July 2013):
Agreed. End it with this one.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 July 2013):
 I'm 100% with WiseOwl.. READ his post over and over til you get it.
This chick IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Friends do NOT use their friends like that. She is an attention whore, sorry that is brutal to say, but from what you describe.. yea.
And you don't take FRIENDS out on expensive "dates" - dude, she friend-zoned you, that means you don't have a chance. So why are you wasting your life, time and money on her? Find a girl who can and will appreciate YOU for YOU.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): You're trying to buy love from a female who is using you and has you parked in the friend-zone. She doesn't even feel shame for accepting your gifts; although she knows YOU ARE competing with the other guy for her affections.
I have to give you some tough love. You aren't getting anything in return for your money. I don't even think this woman even cares much for you as a friend; but if you're dumb enough to spend money on her, she isn't going to say no. In the back of her mind, she thinks you're a fool. She wants the other guy. She may not care for him either, but if he's going to pay her bills, she's going for the gold. When he figures out she's just a gold-digger; he's going to dump her, and go back to his ex. She'll be waiting on hold and he'll make sure he keeps her there.
You'd be better off ditching this woman. She's a user. You need to work on your self-esteem and figure out what real love is. You don't offer people money in exchange for love and affection. That's what a prostitute is for. You're in your late 20's and behaving like an adolescent.
The only way to get this woman out of your system is to just purge her from your life, and move on. She's going to have her cake and eat it too. She'll take your gifts, move in with the other guy, and play you both against each other for all she can get out of it. She has no decency or character as a person, and you're just being foolish.
I hope you will figure it out and get on with your life.
Make yourself available for a woman who is right for you and will appreciate you for nothing more than who you are, not what you have.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 July 2013):
 The simple fact of it all, money or no money, is that she likes HIM not you. It might be that she loves his money, she might love the way he looks, she might love his personality....or it might be a combination of everything. But at the end of the day she wants him and you are just wasting your time trying to impress her when she is only ever going to be impressed by this one guy.
I dont know why you are still trying to win her over when you have no chance with her, it sounds to me like you are just a glutton for punishment and in fact enjoy being miserable. No-one in their right mind would be spending so much time and money on impressing someone they know categorically does not feel the same way about them.
So how are you going to overcome this? By repeatedly reminding yourself that she has stronger feelings for this man than she does for you. Even if she was impressed by him having more money than you, I'm sure he's not a multi-millionaire so its not really going to be that much of a factor to her. It will boil down to her being more physically attracted to him, having more in common with him, enjoying his company more and overall having a strong desire to have a relationship with the guy. Money alone cannot make you want to be with someone as badly as she wants to be with him.
So you just have to accept you are not her type, you are not the kind of guy she wants a relationship with and you have only ever been a friend to her. There is no point in asking what she likes about this guy, its only going to make you feel worse.
You win some and you lose some. You cannot be everyone's type, and she has simply met someone she really likes - there is no point in you trying to stand in the way of her happiness. She likes you as a friend but doesnt want you as a boyfriend, she wants this other guy.
Let it go and move on, try staying away from her for a few months to allow your feelings to die down otherwise you are never going to get over your feelings and the friendship will be ruined forever.
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