A
male
age
30-35,
*ustToonz
writes: To make a long Story Short, I use to have a habit of watching porn at night and during the time that i would watch porn I would pleasure myself, this would happen every night. I loved the feeling it gave me but this happened at the beginning of this summer I have had alot of time alone this summer but mainly at midnight and around 1 in the morning I would do it.A Month went by and early in July I was still Masturbating to porn, it was july 10, I Finally Stood up to this habit, I set a goal for myself by writing on a piece of copy paper the last day I masturbated and I would put it on my wall above my computer to remind me of the day so weeks went by and 2 weeks later I am masturbation free and now its been a month since I have done it and now the bad part comes,I have been Single for almost 10 months and August is the 10th month for me but I haven't really been trying to get a girlfriend, but the bad part is that every time I try to get a girl I'm constantly thinking about sex!? Why is this happening? Tonight I was talking to this not so much of a cute girl but we were flirting and she sent my 4 naked pictures and it just made me feel so bad because is that really what I want sex!? I haven't masturbated in a month why is this happening? But I do attract really hot girls but I always rush things and end up screwing up! Please help me and what are some things I should do?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 August 2013):
 The GUILT you are imposing on your self is paralizing your brain. Get over yourself.Someone or some thing has frozen your sole with guilt of pleasuring your own body. Until you get past that issue you will be locked in time and unable to grow as a person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): You are young, and it really will take just a little more time and practice of restraint from porn; to regain a sense of security and control as far as sex goes.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't date, or be around girls.
You have to be comfortable with yourself about what you "feel" when you are around girls. You have spent a lot of time viewing images, and not seeing women as people.
You have been alone in your room, night after night; feeding a habit. Producing powerful endorphins that basically give you a hormonal high. So avoiding the urge will take some work.
You concentrate too much on the sexual aspect, and not how to enjoy the company of women. You need to go on dates that require you to be active and communicate a lot. Staying out in the open and in public places keeps your mind busy.
You only associate women with sex. That is objectifying people as things, and not people. Just take it slow, and try to avoid accepting sexually explicit pics. You'll be feeding those cravings that you're trying your best not to reward. Try not walking up to women without being too aggressive, and minimize the discussion of sex.
Where exactly are you meeting girls that send you naked pics of themselves when they hardly know you?
That young lady was obviously drunk or on drugs, and desperate. You said she wasn't very pretty. Beware of girls not in control of their faculties. They come on too strong; because they are usually under the influence of a substance. You might end up accused of date-rape. Especially, when you're recovering from issues with porn.
They take Ecstasy, mix alcohol and other drugs; and mindlessly throw themselves at guys. Then wake up in a panic. That girl has some serious issues. Don't be a fool.
If you only approach girls that are clubbing, intoxicated, and desperate; you'll run into females who have no respect for themselves. Just being around empty-headed promiscuous girls isn't going to help you. You'll just cultivate a depraved attitude toward women.
The vast majority of girls do not behave this way; and would slap you into another dimension, if you approached them the wrong way. So that situation remedies itself in most cases.
You'll someday meet a girl who really likes you, and you don't want to creep her out. Let that be your motivation.
You are going to have to wean yourself from porn for a while; because you've been at it longer than it is healthy for someone your age. Your mind is wired for images, and not for a real person. So, you must avoid video porn; and rely on your imagination and fantasy, when you need to masturbate. NO electronic digital devices!!!
You realize your problem, and you've already developed a plan to help you to rewire your thinking.
You want to approach women and appreciate them as wonderful and loving human beings. Not just objects that trigger sexual arousal.
Getting worked up sexually is perfectly natural, it is also age-appropriate. The point is to gain control and master your response. To behave like a rational male in the company of females.
Even if you got counseling, you'd be told to refrain from porn. So you've pretty much figured out what to do on your own.
Just keep it up, and keep seeing girls to just enjoy them for the wonderful creatures that they are, even with their clothes on. That might be hard at your age, but it isn't impossible.
Date in groups. That helps a lot. That helps you to grow into more of a socially mufti-faceted interesting human being, not just a porn-freak. Stay out of your room, and out in the fresh air. Turn off your computer at night.
Workout before going to bed. Take cold showers before bedtime.
Play sports, get exercise, and get a hobby to stimulate something more than your penis.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (3 August 2013):
Dear OP,
I'm not sure if I really understand everything about your problem.
It's one thing to have problematic porn consumption. But it sounds like you didn't just stop to watch porn, you also forced yourself to stop masturbating, which I don't understand.. after all, those things aren't necessarily related to each other.
Then, there seems to be a second issue of you rushing things with girls. Maybe you just haven't figured out how else to start dating and flirting without making it all about sex so fast.
I guess it's natural to imagine sex when you get to know an attractive girl. This doesn't necessarily mean you ONLY want sex, it just means that this woman is sexually attractive to you. So don't worry too much about these thoughts, just remind yourself that you're dealing with a person who has feelings. And take them into account before flirting or sexting too much.
What I would recommend is that you put away the porn for a while. Then, maybe you want to start having real dates with women, instead of just sexting and flirting with them. Take it slow. First date only drinks, second date maybe cinema or doing something fun together.
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