A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can you fall in love with someone without ever having talked to them?I am in this date site. But I am not a gold member. So I can't talk to anyone, just when gold member contact me if I like their profile I can answer. I can get over hundreds email in a week just to be online a few minutes everyday. I get so many winks and so many people add me as their favorites and send me emails. OK.Last weekend I used the search tool. I added the things I wanted in a guy.don't smoke, very romantic etc. And I didn't not add the country.I saw many many pictures I used the whole site databas for hours. that was many picture of guys and profile I saw. Then suddenly It moved me in such way I can't explain.I look at his profile. He had the things I am look in a guy.He had only one picture but it's really charmed me what he wrote and the things we have incommon.THIS NEVER HAPPEN TO BE BEFORE.I decide to send him a wink and add him to my favorite and then after that day I can't stop think about this guy.When I connect the next day he were online and he had look at my profile twice but he didn't send me any wink or added me to his favorite. I am devastated. So what happen here? He not a gold member but he still can send me a wink or add me to his favorite.1) He saw my 25 pictures and my profile. He also look for a nom smoke girl like me and very romantic like me but he don't think I am his type?2) He lives 1h 55minutes from me and don't want have any distance relationship so he don't want even try send me a wink?3) He doesn't speak my language and no english he thinks will be some barriers communication problem?4) He a spanish guy and only speak spanish he don't like the girl take the first move?OK. I been a little far because I can't sleep eat and work so I had this idea to put his nickname yesterday on my Skype and add the hotmail...I was wondering if he had a hotmail with the same nickname! and HE DOES! luck me now I know he really name! I saw him on twitter as well and others pages.I added him on my Skype and send a message like this. I am feeling so stupid! what if he thinks I am insane? or what?WELL.. WHAT I SHOULD DO AND WRITE?I wrote ..Hello how are you?I am sorry If I disturb you.I am in the date site XX as XXX. I saw your profile and you charmed me a lot. I would like to know you. I had this idea to try if you had a hotmail account with the same nickname and I can't believe I found you here! and I add my name OK now 2 days and YET no answer.He not online in the date site since I saw him last time.I am thinking about what if he not use so much his Skype this days? How many days I have to wait?I am thinking about follow him on twitter but what if he thinks I am crazy? I can't add him on Linkedin because his there but it's profissional and facebook it's a little personal. WHAT I DO NOW?Should I follow him on twitter so he can maybe recognize me and talk to me?PLEASE HELP ME. I AM COMPLETE IN LOVE WITH THIS GUYwell I need get to know him even if he not interetsed on because this things never happen to me so even if he just want be friends it's OK to me.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 August 2013):
 Sure you can "fall in love" with a vision of a 'person" but you must realize this vision is self defined and not a reality. If you don't mind living in a fantasy world then by all means keep on "loving thia word-smith.Beware though! This fantasy could turn out to be a nightmare. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for all support! I am SOO HAPPY! :)I decide to be a gold member today. I should had done it in the first place. This was the best thing I have done today! As a gold member anyone can answer me because I pay for it. I send a regular letter to this guy like this:I had a friend of mine translate it in spanish. But to make sure I wrote it in english as well."Hi.My name is xxx , and I really liked what you said in your profile!xxxI am also interested in travelling.I’d love to go to Spain some day. Actually I understand a lot spanish but I can't speak much yet.And you?Have you been in XXX?I’m a romantic girl and I am looking for a romantic guy, and I’m happy to read that you’re very romantic too and do not smoke.Anyway, I hope to hear from you.Have a nice day!/XXXXAND IT TOOK JUST 2 hours when I got my IPHONE tell me on email that he answer my letter.He answer in english and did apologise for his poor english. He said he would be a member today to send me a message.He said he come to my country in September and if I knew a good hotel that I can recommend! OMG! I really want to know this guy. He send me a picture and he's even better in the second picture.Thanks everyone !!!! PLease do not be so negative about things in life ...You MUST Always try and do NOT get OLD wondering what could happen if you did try.I am so HAPPY!!!! BYE
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A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (3 August 2013):
 That's what we call a "crush" here in the United States. It's also known as infatuation.No, you can't fall in love with someone you don't know - not even unrequited love - but you can certainly be intrigued by him.The language barrier and distance are rather huge obstacles here. Unfortunately, they may too big of obstacles for this guy or he just is looking for someone different than you.Sorry, but it appears you're going to have to continue your search.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 August 2013):
 .. You believe in love at first sight, but he probably does not. If he had been your soulmate, destined to you by Fate, ... then he would have answered you. I have never heard of an unilateral soulmate.
If you proceed in your current course of action, you may really totally scare him off and make him doubt your mental balance.
Speaking of which, - please appeal to your rationality ( having a crush does not mean giving up rational thinking ) and THINK :
- he lives 2 hours away and only speaks Spanish, how could he be interested in developping something with you ? LDRs and penpals have to rely a LOT on verbal communication.
If he was close to you, and you just wanted to be swept away by an overwhelming physical attraction - well, maybe it would not be such a great idea, but it would be technically POSSIBLE also without a common language. But, how can you get to know each other and exchange ideas without even a tiny bit of a common language ?
- you already contacted him twice to no avail, - do not insist. Respect his choice. Maybe your pics did not strike him the same way as viceversa- that's fine. That does not mean that you are unattractive or undesirable, only that we can't be the ideal for EVERY guy in the whole world, no matter how great we are.
- you can't bully people into LIKING you. Perhaps , you can badger them and pester them and torment them until they do what you want ( whether it be having sex with you, or writing you back, etc. ) but that does not mean they like you, only that they have found no other way to get rid of you. If you call this being soulmates....
I'd suggest you take a break from dating sites altogether for a while, because they are very apt to fuel unproductive, over the top romantic fantasies in moment of our life when we feel particularly needy, or lonely, or vulnerable. Learn to be happy with your real life, real friends, real occcupations, and when you'll be at that stage you'll see that your chances to meet a real love story have increased tenfold.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 August 2013):
 1. YOU are NOT in love with him, you are infatuated by the IDEA of him. And NO do not stalk him on witter,Facebook or whatnot...
RELAX, you sound utterly desperate.
I agree with WiseOwlE - go out and met some men in REALITY - have a few dates or get out with friends and STOP obsessing over a dude on a dating site.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody to take the time to answer my question.
I hope you guys have a little time to understand my question. And are not misunderstanding everything.
I am not mental ill and not unstable person.
I meet people. I go out I love to dance and I am good looking girl as well. I am not looking for attention. I am not desperate. I find very hard to like someone, special online special in the date sites. I am very romantic and I believe in love at first sign. That's why this guy could be my possible soulmate. So why not try to write to him to be friends or whatever find out who he is? actually I thinking pay to be a gold member so I can try send him this message there instead.
That's why when I liked this guy. I feel very special for him and this never happen so I want to get to know him is normal his single and we have many things in common. As I am not pay member, I just had this idea that his maybe would have the same nickname on hotmail and his does. I translate my letter to him in spanish. I haven't say write anything else to him than that:
He probably not using his Skype everyday.
This is the only message I sent to him:
"Hello how are you?
I am sorry If I disturb you.
I am in the date site XX as XXX. I saw your profile and you charmed me a lot. I would like to know you. I had this idea to try if you had a hotmail account with the same nickname. Greeting. XXX"
Thanks everyone for your support.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (3 August 2013):
Dear OP,
I am sorry but I don't believe in love at first sight, especially not on the internet. I've had moments like this - several ones over the years - and they all turned out to be utter, stupid mistakes.
You don't know this man, you've never talked to him. You saw one photo - who knows how old this photo is, or if it's remastered or he only looks good in that angle? And you basically read a list of things about him.. how do you know if they are all true? And how do you know you're going to like his voice, his body, his smell, or the way he acts around you?. This is just a fantasy you fell in love with. Nothing more. He might remind you of the idealized man you've made up in your mind, but in reality, he might be completely different.
So, you've contacted him, if he doesn't contact you back, just do your best to forget him and move on. Don't try any harder, you can't force him to write you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): You sent a message to this guy letting him know you may be unstable. You can't fall in love with someone you've never met, or haven't even talked to. You were taken by a profile and pictures; and you're obsessing.
He should not respond to you; because you are behaving like a person with a mental disorder.
Sorry, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. You are acting too desperate. That's not how you get a man to respond to you.
Get out more and try meeting men out in the open, face to face. You're spending too much time in isolation; and you're too dependent on online dating. You're becoming a little crazy and desperate for attention.
He may be nothing like what he describes in his profile.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): DO NOT DO ANYTHING MORE. Do NOT contact him again. Currently, you look like a crazy stalker. If you do any more, this will confirm to him that you are. Best possible thing you can do now, is NOTHING, and hope that he reconsiders thinking you are a crazy stalker. You MUST let the man make the moves, it is part of what makes him a man. I think it may be possible your 'soul' has seen the picture of a twin soul or soulmate, but that doesn't mean you will be together. You have to leave it up to him, and destiny now. Be very very patient... it will happen if it is supposed to. you can not 'hurry' these things.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): Its not possible. Its just physical attraction a.k.a infactuation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): No. You can not. PIctures are always nice. Skype is always nice also. Reality and quality time is what really matters. Be careful.
If he saw your profile, if he saw your pictures and still didnt contact you. This is clear! He doesnt like you.
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