A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This will probably sound odd at first, but please bear with me.So for the past eight months, I have been dating this girl in MA online, and for the most part, everything has been going fine. We have our ups and downs, but we love oneanother deeply nonetheless.What bothers me is her fetishes, though. She is into bdsm, being dominated, and more troubling, being raped...by me at least, not a literal sense. Even more tricky is that she is asexual and has told me on occasion she cannot complete the process of masturbation, which is why she turns to me and her fetishes.I am demisexual with little to no interest in sexual activity, and with no experience. She is Asperbic and has been taken advantage of(such as flashing men) and once had sex with a guy three years older than her. What worries me is that maybe her fetishes are effects of these things, and she xant get past the trauma.Im worried she may be turning into a sex addict, as she is turned on constantly and wanting to be pleasured nightly. The thing is, she is only16 at the moment, and imo shouldnt be wanting the feeling of being dominated...?I dont want to leave her regardless, I just need help. I care too much to fear her going down a dangerous path. :\
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 May 2013):
 An "online girlfriend" is like imaginary friends. Get a real life it's healthier.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (31 May 2013):
I have a spoiler for you -
There is no such thing as an "online girlfriend."
The person you are speaking to could be a 75 year old man, or an AI program in a computer. You cannot fall in love with that. Human beings are just not designed to form relationships that way.
Do yourself a favor, turn off the dam computer and go outside. Meet girls face to face, and have fun. Cyberspace is a world that often has little correlation with reality.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (31 May 2013):
 This may sound condescending. It is not intended to be, so I apologize if that's how you read it. Here goes:First and foremost, supposing this girl you've never met is being one hundred percent honest with you, you are both teenagers. That is a confusing time when you're just starting to figure out how you feel about things, physically and emotionally. I was your age not too long ago, and I can tell you that I went through a period where I thought that I may be asexual or demisexual, too. It was just a phase, though, as it is for most teens who feel similarly. Asexual, especially, is super duper rare. Demisexual sounds like pop psychology.In your case part of what may have you giving yourself that label is inexperience. Have you ever had an offline romantic relationship? Do you mostly engage with people online? Are you a bit of a loner? These are things to consider. It's hard to feel sexual and have sexual inclinations until you begin interacting with more people in real life.Second, and this is speaking from experience, a lot of what people tell you online is utter bullsh*t. When I was in my teens, I was the girl who you're "dating" now. I was an a**hole who got a kick out of making up stories to engage random strangers on the internet. I never pretended to date these people, though, and the things I'd say were never quite as extreme as what this girl has told you, but I still get this feeling that she's not being genuine. Generally, there are two kinds of people who use forums and dating sites: the people who are truly looking for meaningful connections and the trolls.If she is being genuine, then I don't think you have anything to worry about. She's also probably just working out her teenage sexuality. There's nothing you can do about that 1) because you only know each other virtually and 2) because it's a natural phase.My best advice to you is to downgrade this girl from online girlfriend to simply online friend. This gives you the freedom to explore real life relationships which will make your blossoming sexuality less complicated and allows the option of you meeting this girl somewhere down the line if you're still interested.
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A
female
reader, EventHorizon  +, writes (31 May 2013):
 Wow and so young too.
She is not asexual if she is turned on every night. If you don't feel comfortable talking with her and if it does not turn you on speak with her and explain your reasons.
Sexual pleasure be it online/offline is a mutual shared experience and should be enjoyed by both particpating. If you are not enjoying it and you are clearly not, talk to her and explain your concerns.
You are both so you and her behaviour is worrying, perhaps advise her to speak with a parent or adult she trusts or see her GP.
You are both so young and sexual desires grow over time, maybe the girl just has a vivid imagination. Don't do anything that makes you fee uncomforable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): For starters, it is very important that you understand something here. If I am reading this correctly, the two of you are carrying on over the internet and you have not actually met this person IRL? You are both living a fantasy, and there is nothing close to reality going on at all. To be in love and to fall in love, a person needs human contact and to do things in the real world, which would bring upon ups and downs. Not words on a computer screen. You both are young, and this seems to be the trend with some these days, but it's not healthy at all. You need to learn social skills and meeting people IRL, talking to them, seeing them, touching them, etc. Real relationships, and to call someone a boyfriend or girlfriend is pretend when it is all done on-line. You are not dating anyone if you do not actually see them or go anywhere with them in person. If I have misread this and you do see her on a regular basis, my sincere apologies.You are dealing with a person who has a very troubled upbringing and what she needs is counseling with a professional. She is heading into adulthood soon and if this is what's going on with her at 16, it will only get worse if she doesn't get some professional help. This is not something you are able to handle or anything you should be getting mixed up in. You are both teenagers and you are in way over your head here. She should be hanging out with her friends, playing a sport or something, learning to drive, getting a job, going to the movies, flirting with boys, have a boy pick her up and going on a date, ticked off at her parents, going to the beach, activities teenagers should be doing. Not sitting alone on a computer talking to complete strangers about her torid past/present and engaging in fetishes at age 16. And you should be doing the same thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): Not sure on how I can help be she cannot be Asexual if she is having sexual feeling and has sexual fantasies. That is the opposite of being Asexual.
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