A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is so shy in areas of sex and foreplay that it makes me feel like he doesn't want me. Whenever I say this to him he gets annoyed and angry with me. He says that he wants me, but he never expresses it and it's very hurtful for me. I've been trying to get him out of his shell but I still always feel like I give more enthusiasm and appreciation than he does, even though I do so much more for him in that area. What do I do to even things out? I want to feel wanted, too.
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female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (4 August 2013):
 there are some guys who are not very aggressive in that department and prefer to lay back and have the woman take control. It doesn't mean that he doesn't want you. If you are successfully having sex (meaning he has an erection) he wants you. If you don't feel wanted it may be your problem (meaning low self esteem that needs to be lifted by someone else expressing how great you are.) You may need to think about that.
Some guys are just this way when it comes to sex, and if you can't accept him the way he is, you are probably not going to last for too long together. However, if you do let him go because of this, you may lose out on a great guy who will deeply care for you and be a wonderful boyfriend and maybe husband. So think carefully before you decide what you want.
You are very young still and at this point in your life you probably want a guy who will be all over you and show you tons of passion, but this type of guys don't always make great boyfriends or husbands.
If you do decide that passionate sex is what you want in life, make sure that you never regret leaving a good, shy guy.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 August 2013):
 Maybe back off from sex for a while. Make him basically "work" a bit more for it. That way you KNOW he is ready and most likely more willing to try new things.
Also TALKING about sex is important. That way you can BOTH figure out what each other like/dislike. IF he is too shy to tell you then I don't think he is really ready.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 August 2013):
 Not unusual at all. Most guys are terrified of sex at first because we all fear rejection and are afraid we'll be too forward, move too fast or do something wrong. Once fear is assuaged though, all's well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): Perhaps the real issue here is that he is doing things he might think he is ready for, but actually isn't. Accusing him of not being interested will make him defensive and embarrased. Instead, try approaching it from a different angle. He might be uncomfortale not because he is any less interested in you, but because he is just uncomfortable about going that far. Communication is key here.
Good luck!
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