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... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
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Hubby has no job and exchanges sexual pictures with girls online. Help?
Q. Ok im not sure what way to turn... i can really go to my friends like i want too because i dont want them to judge.... but all ive done is cry today... i been with my husband for 15 years off and on but only been married 4 months... we have 5 lil ...
A. 21 April 2013: If you know of a good divorce lawer check in with him/her and move forward. It's a darn shame about the kids, they didn't ask for this mess.Now if he can charge for his pictures that might constitue being a job.... (read in full...)
I lied to hubby about child being his, marriage is unhappy and another child on the way! Please help.
Q. I am 35.I met my hubby 2009 through a friend. Immediately we fell in love. I have a good job. He works as shop cashier. I was abit uncomfortable and embarrassed with this, but later accepted him. He however intelligent, hardworking. He was sharing ...
A. 21 April 2013: you "fell pregnant"? Never heard it put that way before, it's like saying oh, I caught a cold. Girl, there is no hope that this mess will ever be cleaned up. Whatever you do it needs to be something that is best for the kids. You two are not ... (read in full...)
Does my bf have to look or think of other girls in order to get hard to have sex with me
Q. I feel like my bf of 3 years is talking to people about me and i tink that its bad things .... i think hes secretly calling his ex gfs he called his ex gf when we first started dating i didnt know about it then one day he got all dressed up ...
A. 20 April 2013: during sex, each partner should be concerned with one thing and one thing only...Providing as much pleasure to the other as possible. If your partner likes this or that, you do yhis or that no matter what. He should be concentrated on you and your ... (read in full...)
Males: why is porn so important and appealing?
Q. hello,I'm having a huge problem with jealousy and need some help. well,I say jealousy but I don't actually know how to put it. I trust my boyfriend 100% when he goes out that he will not be unfaithful to me. my problem is that when he is on the I...
A. 16 April 2013: The confusing thing to me is why flickering images on a computer console constitute cheating. It is fantasy (no more no less) no if he/she goes out and meets up with that fantasy...THAT is cheating.Relax the world is spinning through space and we're ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my girlfriend I got 2 drunken pecks on the cheek? Or let it go?
Q. Hello All, Quick overview on the situation: I have been dating this woman, whom I love deeply, for about 6 months now. We live about a short distance apart and I shortly plan to propose to her. She is definitely the one for me. I couldn't imagine...
A. 16 April 2013: The answer is in your brain...Would you like to have her return from her trip ans tell you all about her ex-boyfriend giving her "3 drunken pecks on the cheek" if yes, then tell her all the sordid details, if no then let the good times roll ans ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my fiance lying about porn?
Q. when me and my boyfriend started dated we made it very clear what we expect from each other. Together we made the commitment to be a christian couple and live that kind of life. I just had a baby with him and he asked me to marry him, i said yes, ...
A. 24 March 2013: Firstly, there's something wrong with this picture... you both agreed to be a Christian couple? I assume that means following a good sound well disciplined life yet you're going to have a baby, then get married. Secondly, did you expect a one-sided ... (read in full...)
I have no experience -- help me read the signs that might tell me she wants me to make a move
Q. hi, i have met this girl through a mate and we are kind of getting with each other privately just to see how it goes, we allways get off with each other, snog and stuff, but i would like some advice on taking it further... im still a virgin so ...
A. 24 March 2013: Once she's unbuttoned her blouse then the chase is on until then just snog and stuff(whatever that is)... (read in full...)
Should I leave my alcoholic boyfriend? At times he blacked out and acted evil.
Q. My boyfriend Max and I have dated for seven months. I thought he was the "one." He was always very attentive, we have wonderful fun together and we spend lots of itme together. As the relationship progressed I noticed that each time we went out to ...
A. 24 March 2013: Did you ever hear of Dr Jeckle and Mr Hide? Some say that was a parable about drunken husbands.. you have a lot of life lrft why waste it with a life of anxirty and fear? Save yourself..while the saving is still posible. Or, wait for the worst to ... (read in full...)
I'm hot but he is not!
Q. I am a divorced mother with 3 wonderful children. I am independent, financially secure, the only thing missing is a good man in my life... Then 7 month ago, I met this amazing man: handsome, sweet, loving, caring, committed, patient, kind, ...
A. 4 March 2013: Yuk! the real qustion is; Do I live with someone who may give me HIV AIDS because of his behavior with other men? Once you've figured out that he is bisexul then it's time to preserve your own life and that of your kids.... (read in full...)
I don't think I've ever had an orgasm but I make alot of noise. Is this wrong?
Q. Hey all, So whenever I have sex or fool around with my boyfriend, I moan. Alot. Soetimes I even scream I'm a very talkative person in general, so I don't know if that's part of it. Because the thing is, I moan with pleasure, but I don't have an ...
A. 2 March 2013: I'd bet you do it to please your partner or at least you think it's pleasing him. It would be effortless if you'd just relax and have an orgasm with him. you say you've not had one with him or alone. i find that hard to understand. Everyone your ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with someone taking interest in my partner?
Q. I have been seeing my girlfriend for around 4 months now. It's my first relationship, and her second but we're both pretty new to it and still learning. We attend college together, and a few weeks ago had a new semester and a new girl was in our ...
A. 1 March 2013: You're way too young for this anxiety, find a new diversion and get on with learning and making good grades. Good luck from a dad... (read in full...)
I feel suffocated in this relationship! I don't know what to do
Q. I have been dating my bf for 6 months now, when i first met him he had lost his gf of 7 years due to terminal illness, he was a total mess and pretty depressed obviously. I made it my mission to somehow bring him back to "life" and went through a ...
A. 1 March 2013: If you're questioning your love for him which you did towards the end of your question,then you are in the wron relationship. It sounds like you "pulled the trigger" too soon and ae in over your head. Do what is best for you. His problems(and I'm ... (read in full...)
I think I'm in love with my husbands older cousin.
Q. I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for 1. Even before we got married I was having doubts. I still love him and would never want to hurt him, but I don't love him the way I used to. But now we are staying with his cousin. His cousin i...
A. 28 February 2013: Being married isn't like going steady with benifits. You need to reevaluate your vows. If they were made just for the heck of it then you are in the wrong dimension and need to "break up"... (read in full...)
My g/f blocked me on fb so her parents can't see my comments?
Q. we've been dating about one and a half years my girlfriend blocked me on facebook and told me it's because her family won't stop giving her crap about us and she's just sick of dealing with it she said it's like her parents can see things i pos...
A. 28 February 2013: fb is the dumbest thing to have happened to human relationships in the last century. Get off of fb and start living a life in reality. You can't sneek words around on the internet and hope no one else reads them but you can whisper sweet nothings ... (read in full...)
I need help overcoming my addiction to prostitutes
Q. Hi I've been seeing prostitutes for 15 years. It started off out of boredom. I have always had a strong sexual appetite, I started masturbating from a young age. Every time I use a prostitute I beat myself up about it. At first I had protecte...
A. 28 February 2013: A sure "cure" is to just remember,As you've already discovered, you never know what sort of payment you'll really have to make. HIV AIDS is Russian Roulette and you can be dead from it. Get smarter not dumber. Asking me for advice re your ... (read in full...)
All kinds of drama with my family but I don't know how to stand up for myself
Q. My family intrudes too much in my life. They want to control me, they play the victim, give me silent treatments, guilt trip me, then buy me food and clothes, so that they can say I'm being ungrateful. I still can't afford to move out, I'm a colle...
A. 28 February 2013: Just live in the quiet secure knowledge that 'this too shall pass, like the song says."What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"... You are still very young. In a year or two(or more,whatever) you will be free to mess things up if you want or, ... (read in full...)
Why did he go soft? Am I a turn off?
Q. If my boyfriend n i been together 7 yrs n lately everything is a argument. We juss had sex n i was on top seems to me everything was going well. Out of no where he gets soft.. What does that means?? Am i a turn off? Alot of thoughts are running ...
A. 27 February 2013: Take you or woe is me out of the equation, he has ED, no big deal...a lot of men have it..it's embassing for him to say the least. he'll get past it if only you would.... (read in full...)
Is he bored with me? I caught him yanking off in bed next to me!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man who was married for over 20 years. The last 7 years it was a sexless marriage. We happen to have sex very often but there are times where I find porn on his phone and have caught him a few times masturbati...
A. 26 February 2013: He's not interested in real world sex...He has a fantasy world sex that is only defined in his brain. so don't feel anything;it's not about you. Once you understand that, you can move on to some other anxiety. Good luck... (read in full...)
He leaves me goes to ex..rinse, repeat. How can I trust him?
Q. i feel so lost. i was married and very unhappy, i met a guy at work and at first site it was as if i stopped breathing, i instantly loved him! butterflies fireworks everything! it signified the end of my.marriage as i felt if i was in love with my ...
A. 26 February 2013: Get a grip, Take a very deep breath and look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see a victim? If yes then..cry about lost love and never invest you feelings again. OR do you see a survivor? If yes, then...you are on the road to a "reset" I ... (read in full...)
How can I resolve the fact that I am torn between the man I love and what I think will make me happy in the long run?
Q. My partner is 30 and I am 20, we love each other and I think he is my soulmate. I just wish I had met him 10 years ago and things would have been different. He has two kids with his ex and they live with her. He visits them in the holidays and...
A. 25 February 2013: From your description, what I think is he's not worth your attention. The question though is not is he worth it. It's how do you reconcile the differences. Right? Well, you can lower your expectations (not my recommendation) OR kick him to the curb ... (read in full...)
What's changed? I'm attractive and the same weight etc. Yet guys have stopped asking me for dates, since I turned 40. Is it me? Why the change?
Q. I'm a pretty woman in my early 40s. I look very young, not my opinion, but others say it. I have a great job, friends, my only child is away in college. I decided not to have a boyfriend after my divorce few years ago, as I couldnt fit one ...
A. 25 February 2013: Women are intimidating to men..especially experienced and good looking ones, We men tend to shy away from successfull beautiful women knowing we are not worthy of their time or attention. I suspect the men around you are simply like me and fear ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy. He did message me. All things considered, does he like me?
Q. Ok i met this libra guy and we hooked up. He just start to travel and have no plan yet. He asked me if i have a bf and if i want one. i said i don't really know because i'm going away in 5 months. we clicked it of he's really sweet and charmi...
A. 25 February 2013: Where he is in relation to the stars has no relevance in the world so get past that part. ... (read in full...)
How can I make my dad understand my college situation?
Q. I got into college last September. Although my college has many, many, ridiculously too many parties, I never went to a single one. I tried to get in the whole college spirit but I just don't enjoy getting stupid drunk and hangover. I went EVERY...
A. 25 February 2013: Just a guess, but I bet he's paying the tuition for a bunch of marathon naps and may just be a little bottered by it all. I wouldn't understand either. Give him a hug and ask if you can transfer to a place that offers more of a challange. You're ... (read in full...)
Is he the right Bf for me? He prefers vanilla sex. I want threesome,s sex toys, bondage, role plays, sex outdoors and dressing up
Q. I'm 24 and my partner is 28 and we have been together for a year and a half. Although we love each other the chemistry in the bedroom isn't sizzling... We keep fighting and getting frustrated with each other about whether we are having sex or n...
A. 25 February 2013: A friend of mine (a girl) once said,"Let those that don't want any...live in fond memories of never gettin' any" Seems applicable somehow. If "kinky" is not his thing ..his loss...tough...let him find a chick that wants to lay back like a ... (read in full...)
I thought he was the one. How could I have been so wrong?
Q. We were together for a year. We connected on so many levels (emotionally, intellectually, physical intimacy). I've had many relationships before. I've even been married once. Never have I been so happy as I was with him. He broke up with me on the ...
A. 25 February 2013: It's very easy to be decieved and/or tricked when you're vulnerable so you now have some experience...get back in the game but with a new concept of trust. Be a slight bit more reluctant to go "all in" though this time. only being with someone for ... (read in full...)
Should leave my boyfriend for this guy I like? Trouble is that the guy I like only wants sex, and I'm a virgin.
Q. I’ve been in a relationship for about 2 and a half months with an amazing guy but the problem/ question I have is: if I should leave my boyfriend for this guy I like? This same guy that I texted almost every day and he said he liked me and I met ...
A. 18 February 2013: Remain a virgin until your wedding night like the olden days you'll be happy with yourself then.... (read in full...)
Together 20 years. He says he's only just started watching porn. How do I recover from this?
Q. My husband and I have been together 20 years. My husband has never been interested in porn and if he has been he's hidden it all these years. Recently I walked in on him watching porn he said he'd just started watching it the last 6 months and h...
A. 18 February 2013: "Betrayed" ? That is an interesting term. In your marraige vows was there a clause that included the watching of pixals on a computer screen? Porn is just fantasy..it vaporizs the instant the screen goes black, it doesn't move into your kitchen ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend getting satisfied?
Q. My boyfriend makes me wonder because he's been ejuculating outside , everytime he takes it out when the big moment comes . I'm worried if he got satisfied or ?????...
A. 13 February 2013: Of course he is; I did it that way for years before we got married it's fine. He's REAL happy, don't worry about that, you should be too, no prego worries that way.... (read in full...)
I'm worried my boyfriend will soon start thinking I'm fat and stupid the same way that my ex did.....
Q. First of all I've been in a very happy relationship for over two years (on and off for 2 years previous to this), my boyfriend is great, he cares and he loves me, he knows I have bad self esteem issues and always tries to resolve them. In the past ...
A. 5 February 2013: Reminds me of the old vaudlille act where the guy goes to see his doctor and says,'Doc it hurts when I do this", he bends his arm in an awkward position. The doc says,"OK, don't do that, that'll be $25.00 you can pay at the desk' if someone is ... (read in full...)
He keeps reminding me that I gave my virginity to someone else who later ended up dumping me. What can I do to improve our relationship?
Q. i have been in a relationship since 5 years.in between a guy came in who seemed more promising n committed proposed me.he seemed very serious.and i lost virginity to him.i was deeply infatuated with this 2nd guy and later i was dumped.the first guy ...
A. 5 February 2013: Okay look, first of all no man owns your virginity and therefore can't hold you guilty for "giving it to someone other than him. I married a woman I knew was not a virgin, 49 years later I still maintain it was no big deal that she'd been intimate ... (read in full...)
He won't let us sleep in the same bed! How to get our love back?
Q. Been with my husband 25 years! But we have not slept in the sane bed for 11 years and he lost interest in sex-until 2 years ago when a neighbour came on to him - he does have problem with Erectile Dysfunction. The affair is over -but he still wo...
A. 29 January 2013: 25 years is a long long time. perhaps a marriage counslor could help OR it's just he has lost interest on a permenant basis better find out sooner rather than later, a sexless marraige is a bumer, I should know. Ten years without it is murder.... (read in full...)
Your thoughts on this? He's verbally abusive, spends time online gaming and watching porn. Have to ask him for his % share of bills. Is this relationship working or is there an answer?
Q. hey guys i am writing this because i am at the end of tether with this man who is supposed to be my husband. We have been married for 4 years and it was long distance. I moved to the US about a year ago and since coming here my relations...
A. 29 January 2013: You need to proceed. Do what is best for you, he's a "big boy" and can fend for himself.... (read in full...)
Is my Bf bi-sexual or gay? He says he's shared oral sex with guys. Do I seem to have a closed mind?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 months recently told me that has fooled around with men before. He hasn't had sex with them, just oral. I wasn't ok with this when he told me and I am having a really hard time with it. A lot of people tell me that if a guys e...
A. 29 January 2013: "He hasn't had sex,just oral"???WTF? All boys/men experiment with same... (read in full...)
Why did my B/f have three naked pictures of the same girl on his phone?
Q. I have been with my partner nearly two years now, he has never been the type to admire any other girls ever.. he got a new phone and when he had it I said would you like some pictures of me to get off to when I'm not around he refused and said he ...
A. 29 January 2013: Once a pic is in the phone(Facebooked or IM'd) It's all around the world don't let pics of yourself get onto a phone or other media than can be sexted over the ethernet.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend drunk said "you are too good to me" What did he mean?
Q. I went drinking with my boyfriend (of nearly 2 months) and his friends. He got drunk and I had to take care of him and get him home safe and tuck him in bed. Before he passed out he said "You are too good to me. You know what that means?" I said ...
A. 27 January 2013: When people are drunk they don't usually even know what they're saying much less have a reason worth evaluating. forget it and move on.... (read in full...)
When to proceed and when to abandon.. (dating)?
Q. Sometimes you go on a date...and there is an initial exchange of messages after, saying 'blah blah, that was fun' ...then a second date isn't scheduled. I'm thinking there are either two reasons a) both parties aren't bothered b) both parties are...
A. 27 January 2013: Dating is a coin toss from either point of view. sometimes you get head,sometimes you get tail.... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have to pay board to their parents?
Q. Hi, just a quick question! I am 20 years old, and have just moved back home. My parents have asked me to contribute $100 a week, for rent/bills/food. I work full-time, making about $600 (aus) a week. I also have my phone bill to pay, as well as ...
A. 27 January 2013: Your parents sound like rational people to me and your alternative is? 1.) mooching?, 2.) living on the street?,lving off of someone else?) Growing up is hard to do and it costs money.... (read in full...)
I have trust issues with my BF after he sexted his ex on Facebook
Q. Hello all! i have a question about my partner. It's been a rocky road for us but he moved in in november 2012. A week after i discovered messages to his ex lovers, not one but a few, which angered and hurt me immensely. He reminisced about their se...
A. 27 January 2013: when will folks learn that facebooking is Not a way of having any relationship?... (read in full...)
Is looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend, a bit odd and uncalled for?
Q. Would anyone else agree with this? Looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend is a bit odd and uncalled for? Why would they want to look at someone else that soon?...
A. 26 January 2013: Assuming you gave him what he wanted then yeah a double dose could be a bit wierd.... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend called after 4 years! Do I phone him back?
Q. Today i received a missed call from my ex boyfriend. I haven't seen him since end of 2008! When we were together, i did lend him money (one of the things i regret the most and never do that now!) and i have never got it back. I'm confused why he ...
A. 26 January 2013: If he's trying to repay the loan(maybe) then he'll call back or mail it to you. I'm guessing you have valid reasons for no wanting to actually talk to him or you would not be asking for advice.... (read in full...)
Was my boyfriend's gesture and behaviour strange in this situation?
Q. Recently my boyfriend (who makes an excellent living) brought me a bouquet of flowers. They were the grocery store variety and the price tag that he left on the cellophane said $7. He came to my front door with said flowers still in the plastic ...
A. 26 January 2013: It's the thought that counts not the price of the gift. He's probably just like the rest of us male dumbos that screw things up by making an error. Don't let him think that you expect high priced gifts just because he can afford them or you'll end ... (read in full...)
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