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... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
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Was my boyfriend's gesture and behaviour strange in this situation?
Q. Recently my boyfriend (who makes an excellent living) brought me a bouquet of flowers. They were the grocery store variety and the price tag that he left on the cellophane said $7. He came to my front door with said flowers still in the plastic ...
A. 26 January 2013: It's the thought that counts not the price of the gift. He's probably just like the rest of us male dumbos that screw things up by making an error. Don't let him think that you expect high priced gifts just because he can afford them or you'll end ... (read in full...)
I think my husband has an std, is it safe to have sex using a condom?
Q. hello everybody i have a problem with my husband i think he has some std but refuses to go to doctor, is it safe to have sexual intercourse with him using condoms. and can i take his precum sample or sperm sample to test it in lab. if he not wil...
A. 26 January 2013: don't you realize that if you have to ask the question you already know the answer is no it's not safe until he passes some testing given by medical folks that have some credibility. He's crazy to not get tested.... (read in full...)
I'm married but it's a LDR. I cheated with a friend who's also married. I don't want to break up our marriages. What should I do?
Q. I need some advice. I've been in a long distance relationship for about 5 years. We've seen each other every 5-6 months for about one or two months. Got married a few months ago and now living apart again. This will keep continuing for a...
A. 26 January 2013: again with the facebook kill shot. why anyone even uses facebook is beyond me.... (read in full...)
New boyfriend, new problems.
Q. A couple of months after I was dumped by my ex, I began a relationship with Mr New. He's tall and handsome, but the thing that I was attracted to first was how we could talk to one another. This relationship started about a year ago... beginning of ...
A. 26 January 2013: I actually was a "Mr New" same feelings and everything, however,as the poets all seem to agree,love conquers all. Ergo, if he truely loves you he'll get over it(the non-virgin part) but, he'll never forget it. Sorry, it's just not possible to ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to think his sex addiction is a problem
Q. My boyfriend has been telling me that he is thinking about having sex with other girls. He thinks about how exciting it would be and what kind of things he can do to other girls. We are both aware that he is addicted to sex, and he falls into the ...
A. 25 January 2013: Tinking about it(or fantasizing) is only normal. You need to take a deep breath and read up on the whole male phsycology thing.... (read in full...)
Help, I've pushed my husband away and don't know what to do!!
Q. I met my husband on a christian dating site. We hit it off right away and a year later got married. It was our second marriage for both of us. I Think he was more realistic when he married me, knowing that there may be some unresolved issues that ...
A. 19 January 2013: At this point I'd bet he has no idea "why" he's mad, he just remembers there was a hurt and you were involved. Be patient with him, men are very slow to heal (forgive and/or forget) but if his love was ever there, it'll come back... (read in full...)
Met a great guy but he's 20 years older and a "happy single". What should I do?
Q. Hi. I met this man online. I knew he was older than me (51yrs old, I'm 31) but and we became friends, we met up yesterday the first time and we went for a meal and I had a great time, and something else happened I realised I liked him more than ...
A. 13 January 2013: well he's happy and single so you should feel motivated to make him unhappy? You imply that married is unhappy. If you want him to remain happy leave him alone and find a guy your own age to torment.... (read in full...)
Need help reading situation.
Q. so i met this very cute french girl (and i mean damn beautiful) at a uni pub crawl we met at the 3rd of 5 bars we spent most of the night together talking (about 4 hours) the first hour or so her friend was with us but when we got to the last bar...
A. 12 January 2013: Sounds like she was flirting at the very least and wanting more interaction at best. You Brits and your terms; a uni pub crawl. I gotta get to your country (It's on my bucket list).... (read in full...)
Would guys be put off because, at my age, I still rent, live with friends and don't earn a high salary?
Q. Please can i have some advice/feedback from the guys on this. I need to know if these things would put you off a girl, or if you actually do not care about these things and it wouldn't even be a factor in anything. i am 32 single, female a...
A. 12 January 2013: It sounds that your low self esteem is self perpetuated and you're in a downward spiral due to loneliness. Please go invest some of your income in therapy. Your "resume" sounds delightful so you should not be in a depressed state of mind. ... (read in full...)
My GF doesn't want to lose her virginity until we're married, but that won't be for 10 years! What can we do?
Q. I have been together with my girlfriend for nearly a year. We both never had sex, we only experimented with foreplay etc.(Basically everything but just the most vital part, sex) She told me she will only be willing to do that once we get m...
A. 12 January 2013: Believe it or not that's not all that long; I remember being young and anxious but trust me (and I can hardly believe I'm saying this but) sex is really not that important to where you can't wait for it.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend flirts with other girls without realising he's doing it - need some help, please
Q. Dear Cupid, my boyfriend has been flirting with some of my mates without realising it. I'm his first girlfriend but I don't really know what to do about this. He says he's sorry and keeps asking how he can make it up to me but I don't know that ...
A. 12 January 2013: You must understand young males flirt without thinking about it...there's no intent or expectation it's just as normal as breathing. Until we men reach about 25 or 30 we don't "self edit" that is attempt to view our actions or speach as others ... (read in full...)
Does being "up front" about wanting a FWB relationship means you are now a "decent" human being?
Q. Why is it that men (and women) think that just because, they are being "honest" about wanting a FWB type of relationship in the beginning, that they are somehow a "decent" and upstanding human being? For instance, if someone who was going to rob...
A. 9 January 2013: I agree with Fatherly Advice" the use of Robbery as an analogy is interesting to say the least. The whole FWB thing to me is just gibberish for sex without commitment,you know like two dogs in the park.... (read in full...)
Am I thinking too far ahead? Would Western parents accept a large age gap if their daughter married a man 10 years older?
Q. I am in Australia but am not a westerner. I like a girl 10 years younger than me,she is 18 years old. I think she also likes me. But I am not sure.Is it possible because of age different she might be thinking the less possibility of marriage. Does w...
A. 9 January 2013: As a parent and grandparent, I think I'd be at the least suspicious of the "motives" of an "older" man want to have a relationship of any kind with an 18 year old.... (read in full...)
It's complicated. He will visit me. But often pushes for more physical content than I want. But he discourages me visiting him. Why?
Q. Have been into a relationship with a guy for more than 4 years now we both love each other. He calls me and he pays me a visit. I need a new jobc so that occupies my time, but I'm less busy in weekends. Each time i pay him visit he kisses me on...
A. 9 January 2013: He sounds to me like he wants a "friend with benifits" rather than a relationship. You might be wise to duck this one.... (read in full...)
My partner uses sex like he is in control of a game
Q. Why doesn't he want a intimate relationship. My partner and I have been back together for 7 months. We have never had a active sex life but did manage one of twice a month maybe but it's been almost 3 months and he shows no interest in me sexually ...
A. 9 January 2013: The mention of good sex is missing maybe you two are not meant for each other.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is going on online dating sites. Do I have a right to be upset about this?
Q. I am having had a bad time again with my boyfriend. We have been back together after we broke up because of his online dating sites. Over the course of a year, we had argument after argument over his lies and refusal to accept that I had the right ...
A. 9 January 2013: Be upset as you want but also be smart and quit calling him your boyfriend. He's an ex-boyfriend that did you wrong. Get over this one and find a new one but be smarter this time.... (read in full...)
I gave up my job, my apartment for him but his controlling wife won't let him go
Q. Since 2 years I am in a relationship with a man. After a while I found out that he is married and has a 9 years old daughter. We were leaving in different countries and he didnt tell me from the start that he is married and has a kid. His marriage...
A. 9 January 2013: you've already lost everything including your self respect. I'm very sorry this happened to you but I think you need to get as far away from this toxic situation as possible and find a new man.... (read in full...)
My wife told me she is attracted to her boss! I'm worried, what should I do?
Q. My wife of 14 years out of the blue while we are lying down cuddling turns to me and tells me she is attracted to someone at work. I was kind of stunned by this and didn't know what to say, then she tells me its her boss. She says she doesn't ...
A. 9 January 2013: Here's what I would have done(not to say I'd still be alive) I'd have said,"You know honey, " I think your boss is hot also,why don't we see if we could work out a three-way some evening?"... (read in full...)
How do we deal with communication problem in our marriage?
Q. Ive been married for 5 years and it just now hit me that for the past 2 years we have had communication issues. For example every time i try to talk to my husband he doesnt reply to me all he says is "ok" and i tell him well give me your opinion ...
A. 8 January 2013: When it's all said and done,it's pretty much this; Men and women communicate in totally different ways. 1.Women want to share feelings and men have been taught that feelings are for girls. We have them but talking about them is almost gay-like. ... (read in full...)
Is my friend a jerk for making this disrespectful comment about his African American lover?
Q. This older guy who I am friends with, told me that if he ever got married in the future, he would never tell his wife that he had a sexual relationship with an African American woman because, she would look down on him and so would the entire ...
A. 8 January 2013: Is your friend a jerk? No. he's a cowardly racist... (read in full...)
Should I leave my BF of 6 years for someone I've known for 2 months?
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend of 6 years recently asked if it's ok if his sister could stay with us for a few weeks until she finds a place in the city.. His sister is a model, she's a gorgeous woman and is currently working with the top fashion companie...
A. 8 January 2013: Well, let me think, leave the guy you've "commited" to or dump him for a newer version? Duh, I just don't know what if "Mr Really-really right comes along in a few weeks? Do you see a trend here? Maybe you're just a few weeks shy of a commited ... (read in full...)
I am sick of my B/f sneaking around behind my back to jerk off! Is it normal for men to be like that?
Q. Okay so anybody's advice would be excellent, especially a womans. I'm 18 and have been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1 and a half years, our sex life is average, and I'm always keen even if I don't finish. He's jerked off to internet porn during ...
A. 8 January 2013: Short answer is YES it's normal. What's not normal is to worry about another person's desires.... (read in full...)
Worried I cant get pregnant when I'm older, help?
Q. Had unprotected sex on 4 different occasions since I lost my virginity, I was really worried I'd get pregnant but I've just got my period like normal... Now I'm really worried that one day when I want kids I won't be able to have them?? Is there so...
A. 7 January 2013: I guess you'll find out soon enough but just because you didn't get pregnant before dosen't mean you can't ever get pregnant. I've got a suggestion, find someone you love get married and stop taking the pill, if you have a baby, keep it and live a ... (read in full...)
Married in 1975 and then in 2011 he cheated. He blames me for the break-up. Could we ever get back together?
Q. my husband and i met when we were 16 and 17 he was my only boyfriend. We married in 1975 and been married for 37 years. In June 2011 he did something unusual that he never did before it was only a phone call to me and said he had rang the wro...
A. 28 December 2012: Don't take on that guilt he's trying to put on your back.
He knows darn good and well who it is to blame. This is a prime example of why folks say to wait until you're 20 or more to get married. I'm sorry you got hurt but don't le it stop you from... (read in full...)
Our marriage deteriorates day by day. Sex is almost non-existent. Problems beset us. What can you advise? Because we need help now.
Q. I am having difficulty sleeping with my husband. We have been together for the past 6 years but our relationship seems to deteriorate by the day. In the beginning we couldn’t keep our hands off each other but these days the very thought of bein...
A. 27 December 2012: Sex is great but it is not the end all be all for a good marriage. We've been together 50 years and I can't remember the last time we had sex but it is well over five years. Oh well, it was good when we did have it. Preserve your memories, ... (read in full...)
Why does he need to look at pictures of naked and semi-naked women? Is it because I've lost fullness in my breasts since breast feeding?
Q. Why would my partner look at naked/ semi naked pictures of women? Porn I can understand, but I guess he's looking at the naked women cos I lost the fullness of my breasts due to breast feeding. I was never big anyway. I don't feel the need to look ...
A. 27 December 2012: It's not you! Men like porn even if their wife is the most beautiful women on the planet because porn brings the fantasy of having a huge penis to life. The porn kings all are what men want to look like and the porn queens are what they want if ... (read in full...)
What goes through a man's mind when he watches porn?
Q. Can some actually explain to us women what happens when watching porn? Does it make the man feel like he is having sex with the woman on the screen? Apparently I am told they are not watching it to pretend they are the man in the video. I am ...
A. 12 December 2012: Ironically, we watch the guys more than the gals. We're typically enious of the guy's size and wish it was ours and he was home watching us. Insecurity about our ability and size drives us back to envy more and wish more. It's and endless circle ... (read in full...)
Who will want me now?
Q. Who will want me now? My self confidence is shot. After a volatile six years of marriage, I am now a 30 year old single mom. I feel like I will never meet anyone decent, and if I do, they will run for the hills as soon as they know I have a ch...
A. 11 December 2012: Time for a reality check. Look in the mirror, are you a bad person? If not then get back in the game. You appear to be assuming that all men are selfish creeps(??) Well, some are but not all of us reject the idea of dating a single mom.... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid?
Q. Hey guys, please tell me if you think im just being paranoid about this. Me and my boyfriend (both 18) have been together 6 months and mostly everything is great. Except I really really like him and im worried he doesnt feel the same way. Its ju...
A. 11 December 2012: No, i don't see it that way. What if I'm not paranoid and the whole world really is out tyo get me?... (read in full...)
My sex life with my boyfriend of seven years is unsatisfying.
Q. I am 25 yrs old my boyfriend of 7 years just turned 24 and our sex life sucks we don't have one he sleeps all.day and plays video games all night we don't sleep together anymore when I'm in the mood he tells me I'm a freak to leave him alone he ...
A. 10 December 2012: I'm no shrink but it sure sounds like he's depressed (maybe clinically. Get him to see a doctor. Low T?For some clown that's NOT a doctor, I seem top have found two possibles.... (read in full...)
Is it best to just forget this guy? I know I deserve better
Q. I am legally separated from my husband and will be going to be divorced soon. I have made plenty of friends online for the last 3 years. One of them, a guy and I have become quite close. We have been chatting on skype for 2 weeks. There was a l...
A. 9 December 2012: This is exactly why internet relationships will NOT ever work out. One person is predatory while the other (you) is nieve and trusting. I see only pain and broken promises evoling out of this. You remind me of a young asian girl I knew a long ... (read in full...)
How should I react when he ignores me?...Because I still like him
Q. I started liking a guy in my class... he flirted a lot with me when compared to other girls..after giving it a long thought i told him i liked him... he replied that it's not that he ..but doesnt like me or anything...but it was not a good time ...
A. 26 November 2012: Reciprocate..ignore him right back...if he likes you he will eventually "wake up". if he doesn't then find some other boy to like. there's millions out there.... (read in full...)
Why would a girl cheat on her boyfriend after telling him they should wait to have sex?
Q. My friend started dating a girl at the beginning of the relationship they both agreed to wait until they have sex. However, the girl did a 180 and had sex with a lot of other guys behind his back while seemingly being chaste. I want to know why...
A. 26 November 2012: Seems to me this is more about control than sex. She wants total control not just a little control. Many people in this life are controling and manipulative. They simply MUST have their way. Those people need to be avoided at all cost lest they ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is cold and emotionless. Will he change?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years and I feel so lonely in his presence. He says he's the kind of guy who hates showing his feelings and I want to feel loved and special. He neither show any concern through actions or words. I ...
A. 17 October 2012: Changing someone is a lifelong process. If he's been this way for a long time then change may be out of the question. Explore your options and focus on you.... (read in full...)
I'm a mom of 3 and I'm unhappily married. I feel so low and trapped and weak
Q. Hi everyone, I am a mom of 3 and I am unhappily married. I want to move on with my life but my husband won't let me go. He is abusive physically and emotionally and I tried to leave him before but because of my lack of support and faith I let him ...
A. 17 October 2012: It is sad to see the words unhappily and married in the same sentence. There is happiness out there you should focus on it as a goal and take tiny steps towards that goal. Make your plans in secret and keep you kids safety and future in mind at ... (read in full...)
What do I do now? I lied and told my boyfriend that I wasn't a virgin
Q. So this is the problem, this guy I really liked we met on a night out and instantly hit it off, we were attracted to each other so much and i don't know how this came out in our conversation but we ended up talking about how many people we slept ...
A. 17 October 2012: you should wear virginity with pride..it's so easily lost and will never be returned so be very careful of the one you give it to as he will remember it forever and your entire life will be set upon the foundation of just how it was given away or ... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed by my husband. Do I confront him?
Q. Hello Everyone!! This is my first time posting due to some confussing events I witness today. Well I am a 35 yr old women married w two girls 7 and 3. I've been with my husband for 12 years and married for 2.5 years.. I as a women know that he goes ...
A. 17 October 2012: Trust is easily broken and rarely healed. Maybe a new life will help the two of you.... (read in full...)
My wife has secrets. Do I sit on this? Or tell her I know everything?
Q. Hello everyone im back!!!! My wife and i have been together for thirteen years. I was her first for everything. The problem with my wife is she has regrets for things she missed out on. I know cause when ever she makes comments like ho...
A. 17 October 2012: Failure IS an option.... (read in full...)
I have a feeling that she may be bi or gay but I have a massive crush on her. What are the chances that she might consider me?
Q. Well, this is a new one. I've currently got a crush on a friend of a friend I've seen around a lot, and I won't even sell this as MASSIVELY important to me, but it is on my mind a lot whenever I encounter her. The thing is, she's active on ...
A. 17 October 2012: I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you are having an identity issue...You cannot change a person's preferences when it comes to the preference of attractions. You may just have to learn some coping ski;;s and proceed without your ... (read in full...)
Do we go ahead and get engaged and married after four years of an on off relationship or do we go our separate ways?!
Q. Do we go ahead and get engaged and married after four years of an on off relationship or do we go our separate ways?! Hi, I ve posted on this website before and I ve found the answere really helpful so I am hoping for some advice please. Basically...
A. 17 October 2012: I suppose if you want a cyclical pain/plasure marraige the you shouls "tie the knot" Or, if you like being dropped and played for a clown you could just keep things as they are now. If it were me I'd find a new source of pain.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that I had online sex with a stranger?
Q. Hello. Im a gal of 18. it has been an year since i have been in a relationship with my bf. i love him wholeheartedly .everythings going well but a mistake of mine ruined evrything.I met a guy online .Soon we become good friends.But what happened ...
A. 15 October 2012: Imaginary sex isn't lethal it's almost "normal" so I don't think sharing the experience would help. If you want to be rid of the guilt then be rid of it but spreading the word will only hurt the ones you say tou love. Now if you'd actually gone to ... (read in full...)
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