A
female
age
41-50,
*erseyncorbinsmommy
writes:Ok im not sure what way to turn... i can really go to my friends like i want too because i dont want them to judge.... but all ive done is cry today... i been with my husband for 15 years off and on but only been married 4 months... we have 5 lil ones together... about a month ago i found out he was connected to all these free dating sites... i kept it hid that i knew and he finally came clean with me thats hes been talking to this girl but he never met her but she wanted him to leave me... i didnt believe him that he hasnt been with her so i callled her and his story did match up... they just been talking on the phone and rhrough text.... we sat down together and closed down all his accounts and things have been great between us since then... Until the other night i ran across he is connected to a dating site called xxxcupid.com.... well this morning an email came across my phone( his email is logged into my phone) and again i see as of yesterday hes been emailing yet another girl.... only this time he told her hes married but the sex sucks and isnt any good and sent her a pic of his privates... and she responded with three of herself... I really dont know what to do anymore i work 55 hours a week and right now hes laid off... im trying to get our family a float and i pay everything at this point... i love this man more then anything and so do our kids... Im just so lost, confused and hurt
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Re: Him sending this girl a pic of his privates…You should have called this girl also and said; hey there sweetie, now you see why the sex sucks in our marriage and laughed about his privates… So if you’re thinking about getting together with him, be sure to have a large bed sweetie; ‘cause there’s 5 little ones (children) that’ll be along with him!Seriously though, I’d like to smash that phone and get down to some non-negotiable business! We can all still love the person; it’s just their behaviour we don’t like…Take Care - CAA
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (21 April 2013):
 I am sorry to see that you are going through this. I can only imagine the hurt, betrayal and pain you are feeling.
You basically have two options: run or fight.
1) If you decide to run, I suggest contacting a good lawyer. The fact that your husband is actively in engaged in soliciting other partners means he is emotionally cheating on you now and may also be physically cheating now (and in the past). Also, the fact he is doing this so soon into your marriage and at the cost of his children means he has already checked out. One question to ask is why did you wait so long to get married and if his recent behavior is a result of getting married (perhaps he feels trapped).
2) If you feel your marriage is salvageable (which I am thinking it isn't -- but I don't know your history) I would highly recommend you seek out counseling... If your husband refuses to go, I suggest going on your own so that you have someone to help sort out what is really going on.
There is something wrong in your relationship and the sooner that you identify the issue(s), the sooner you can work on fixing them. The fact that you are working so much (and he isn't) is probably one of the main reasons. If you are working 55 hours a week and raising that many children, my guess is that your marriage is taking the primary hit. Also his complaint about a lack of sex life could mean you aren't available enough for his needs.
Ultimately the choice is yours on what you do, but to fix this problem it will require work on both sides. Hopefully you will seek out help -- if not only for yourself - as you go through this trying time. But the first thing that must be done is that your husband needs to layoff the dating sites and be willing to make things work with you.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): I'm going to be straightforward with you without trying to sound judgemental. If your husband had the time to site around and send pictures, then you have a decision to make. Make him the caretaker of th's home. If he has the time to twiddle with his d**k online with these females, put your foot down and tell him either be responsible for the house, or find one of these girls and live with them. Why should you be burdened with all the responsibilities. Man up or man out. Those are his options and they are non negotiable. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 If you know of a good divorce lawer check in with him/her and move forward. It's a darn shame about the kids, they didn't ask for this mess.Now if he can charge for his pictures that might constitue being a job.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 You need to sit down and really talk to him. so he isn't satisfied with his sex life - that's pretty common of married men with kids - you are looking after 5 kids, working etc - I expect sex isn't always your top priority. But unfortunately you either except he has cheated but its in the past and work on your sex life together - find out what he wants, what he is missing and try and keep him happy. Or you leave him for a while, let him know how much he has hurt you. Make him put the effort in. There is no quick solution...
I had been wondering if girls ever responded to photos like that being sent to them, he has clearly found one who has... I'm assuming she is a bit of a slag...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 April 2013):
There isn't many options here.
What you really need is counseling. He obviously needs it more than you.
Or you need to separate so he learns he can't take you for granted.
Or you can do nothing and have him continue to pretend he's single.
I want to point out that his hurtful comments aren't something you should be too hurt by. It doesn't mean you suck. Although it's entirely possible that your husband has a sex addiction or at least more "needs" than you do and what he's getting from you isn't enough. Maybe you need to work on your sexual relationship and not take his needs for granted.
I know that I may occasionally think to myself that sex sucks with my wife. But really, the sex is good, but she's not adventurous enough, not to mention she is working a ton and is often too tired for sex. However I have my hands full and have good self control so I wouldn't do what your husband is doing because of it.
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