A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Should I keep speaking to him, and try and be friends?I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 2 weeks ago and it's killing me. We broke it off about 2 months ago, then briefly got back together before we realised nothing had changed. We're both 21 at university. Basically my boyfriend is involved with one of the sports teams, and has been going out with them multiple times a week, then out with other friends some other days, spends sometime working on his degree and ultimately has had effectively no time for me in his life. I'm all for enjoying your university years but I've been way down his priority list and he doesn't seem to see it as a problem, acting like I'm wrong for wanting him to spend more of his time with me. I've felt completely taken for granted and messed about for a while now, and it's as though he just wants me when it suits him, and spends the rest of his time with people I wish he would realise don't care one bit about him. So it all ended kind of messily, as I got quite upset (purely because my feelings for him are so strong), and despite having said when we first broke it off we'd try and stay friends, we've not spoken since we ended it definitively. However, I want to talk to him so badly, and we also share one class together and have many of the same friends. I had the class with him today and avoided all eye contact and basically ran from the class when it was over to avoid having to speak to him, but it just hurts so much to be like that. He's not made any effort to contact or speak to me either, and I don't know whether to message him or not. I don't know if it will hurt too much to just be his friend right now, because I know I want more, but I really hate how we are right now as well.
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (16 November 2017):
 You're still young. The world is your oyster, so please try not to worry about your ex bf.
As many have mentioned, if he was genuinely interested in you, he'd definitely make time for you and he'd NEVER place you right at the bottom of his priority list.
Think about that?
Do you really want to sell yourself that short?
Your ex bf has made things VERY CLEAR, but you're finding it too hard to let go and your lack of "acceptance" is what's actually causing you to feel this way.
Truth be known, you must let go, because he's not going to miraculously change and start committing to you fully.
I'm not a man, but as i've dated quite a few, i do know that when a man truly likes or loves you, he'll do the chasing and you won't really have to do too much.
In fact, most times, you won't have to do anything.
The fact that you're doing the chasing, to some degree, and the fact that you're doing the questioning, speaks volumes about how poor your connection with your ex really has been.
You want to remain friends, however, i wouldn't advise you to, because you actually love him and you want more.
He cannot provide you with anything more, so let him go and move on with your life.
It's really difficult trying to remain friends with an ex bf, because you'll always be worried, wondering, curious and feeling hurt, especially if you see him with other girls or hear that he's met somebody else.
All this, will take up way too much of your precious time, besides i bet your ex bf is getting on with his life.
Don't place yourself in such a vulnerable, unnecessary and painful position.
Just know that with time, you will HEAL and YES, you will find somebody much better suited to you with time.
Right now, work on yourself and getting your self-esteem and your confidence back and also focus on what's truly important, your studies and achieving your future goals.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 November 2017):
 You broke up, got back together and things were the same.
He's shown you that he's not going to change so what are you thinking that contacting him will achieve? If he wanted to speak to you he would do. I'm sorry but this one is over and it's really for the best, you both clearly want different things.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (16 November 2017):
He regrets rekindling your relationship, hence his avoidance of you. But he may not be worth YOUR time. The guy shouldn't be literally running away from you at the end of class after you've had a two-year relationship...a guy with class would at least acknowledge you and try to keep the peace. Even if it ended messy and with lots of emotions, the big people in the room would not be running away, especially from someone who was very special to them for two years.
Cut all contact but be civil if you do run into each other. It is time for you to start over and find a better guy...one who is appreciative of you and is not a social ingrate.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 November 2017):
 I'm sorry OP
Breaking up is never fun. In your case, it HAD to be done.
I think the LAST thing you should try, is to be his "friend" - it will NOT help you properly move on and it will only hurt you further.
Doesn't mean YOU have to ignore him when you see him, at some point, you might feel OK with a polite nod, a hi and so forth but you don't HAVE to do that.
And yes, it will feel awkward running into him, but that is life.
Chin up, over time you will come to realize JUST how right the decision to end it was.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2017): Maybe you need to buckle-down and get more into your studies and participate more in academic-programs that can enhance your major.
You may be getting too distracted. You should also expand your social-life to include making new friends and being around nice people in-general. Regardless of gender. Just to get your mind off him, expand your support-group, and to hone your own social-skills. Try to be more interactive with a social-group with some career-goals. That will help make you less emotionally-dependent on your ex, and keep you busier moving ahead with your own life!
If you're 21, you're in your senior year; and should be hustling to keep that GPA in the upper-stratosphere!
You should also be applying for internships and/or pursuing possible fellowship opportunities relevant to your course of study; if you're going to become a grad-student. Now is the time to be career-focused. He seems ambitious and goal-oriented.
You don't really want to be only friends; you want an excuse to stay attached so he won't getaway.
No sweetie, don't message him. Let go! Cut the rope! He's tying you down, and he's got you all wound-up!
Move on and focus on yourself. He has already proven he doesn't have time for you, and you're low on his list of priorities. You deserve better! You're also in university to achieve a degree, and hopefully you're in the top 10% of your graduating class! Are you planning to attend graduate-school?
Yes, it will hurt too much being just a friend. Watching him flirting and dating other girls. Why do that to yourself?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2017):
 Hi Sweetie, believe me when I say it is not possible to be just friends with someone when you still have feelings for them. I know it is difficult at the moment and it hurts but distance is the only thing that will help you get over this relationship. I mean if you wanted to be friends great but you are not ready. You need to distract yourself, spend time with friends, go on nights out and do different activities. Time will be the best healer believe me.
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