A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok! Where do I start? I met a boy seven years ago. We were on a summer abroad in Australia and we fell madly in love with each other. When the summer ended we both went back home. But lived in opposite parts of the country and it just wouldn’t have been possible. We kept in touch over social media and attempted to meet up once or twice but it never happened. He got back together with his ex and they have been on and off ever since and I was in a long term relationship myself but I’ve always felt very strongly that he was the person I am meant to be with! My relationship has recently come to an end partly because of this other man who no one can match up to. I have been reading through old msgs and so desperately want to tell him how i feel.I am not sure if he is still with his gf as they have always been very on and off but I feel like I can’t keep going on like this anymore! I don’t want to msg him if he is in a relationship as part of the reason they have been on and off has been due to his feelings for me and i don’t want to mess things up now after having no contact at all for 4 years. I don’t know if he is happy or if like me he still thinks about us. All advice welcome :).
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 October 2017):
 What is different now to back then? If things haven't changed distance wise and all these years have passed then surely nothing will change now? Unless you are willing to move your life to be with him then I think it is best not to waste your time. It might only bring up more upset and hurt.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (23 October 2017):
 As usual I agree with honeypie.
Let's get realistic here, how has nothing happened in 7 years if it's 'meant to be'? If he has such strong feelings for you then why hasn't he done something about it? Why is he with someone else if he cares about you so much?
Sometimes you do feel like you should be with someone, I understand, I've been there. But it's really not the case a lot of the time which I absolutely believe that it's not here. It just doesn't make any sense, if you should be dating then why aren't you already?
If he cared deeply don't you think he would of said something in those 4 years of silence? I think you're wasting your time here massively.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 October 2017):
 IMHO and I don't want to rain on your fantasy here...
Before you consider contacting him, ARE you two still at opposite sides of the country, and will that likely continue? Becuase there is NO point in starting something that from the word GO! isn't going to be anything more than a fantasy. Would YOU move to his side of the country? Away from your family, friends, work etc? Would he? (after all, NEITHER of you have in 7 years).
If in 7 years you two haven't been able to even MEET UP do you really think it is meant to be?
I'm not saying this to pee in your cereal here but sometimes things just aren't meant to happen, especially when NOTHING happens or has happened. Even if they feel like "destined" or too good NOT to happen.
You two are also different people now. 7 year is a LOT of growth and it's in the period of your lives were the MOST growth "should" happen.
I get that after 7 years he has becomes some kind of "perfect guy" in your mind and the whole fantasy of riding off into the sunset with Mr. Perfect whom NO OTHER guy has compared too, is compelling. IT is still a fantasy.
If you are going to contact him, I'd say DO NOT spill your guts right off the bat. SEE how he is doing in life, what's up at his end. Suss him out SLOWLY. Don't hand him your "heart" and "mind" fully gift wrapped, for him to do with as he pleases. He might be in an "OFF" period with his GF and ENJOY the attention from you, but SHE is there physically so it can easily go back to an "ON" relationship again. IF you know what I mean. And then what? YOU are the one who will get hurt and feel used.
Proceed with care, caution and a HUGE dose of common sense.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (23 October 2017):
 If after 7 years and you are not over him you have to messsage him and see what happens. These feelings are not going to go anywhere if you do not face them. It sounds like hes not quite over you too. Message him and see what happens. Meet him . Make it real, face your fears ! In that way if you both were not meant to be, you can move on to dating other men knowing you gave your ex a chance and you can move on wholeheartedly. If not to get a second chance at love, do it to ease your consciousness and your heart . Good luck sweetie
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (22 October 2017):
Contact him, perhaps describing a particularly memorable moment back in Australia, and asking him if he remembers it. Or some other way of initiating just a casual contact. If he feels like you, he will certainly give some hint (such as he is now single) showing his interest in renewing the relationship. If you don't hear back or if he describes that he is still in his relationship even though messy, he is not ready. Even if he is no longer interested, you don't want to live the rest of your life or get into a compromise-relationship, still wondering what could have been. Good luck! I really hope this works out for you.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (22 October 2017):
Contact him, perhaps describing a particularly memorable moment back in Australia, and asking him if he remembers it. Or some other way of initiating just a casual contact. If he feels like you, he will certainly give some hint (such as he is now single) showing his interest in renewing the relationship. If you don't hear back or if he describes that he is still in his relationship even though messy, he is not ready. Even if he is no longer interested, you don't want to live the rest of your life or get into a compromise-relationship, still wondering what could have been. Good luck! I really hope this works out for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2017): Just msg him , if you don't it will replay in your mind over and over .. but could you find the time now to make long distance work ??? If so give it a go put all your efforts in to making it work ..
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