A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am seeing (dating?) a guy, though problem is, he is my ex's friend. I knew the guy first, and my ex knows we spend time together because we've been friends for years, but my ex is somewhat of a ring leader and if he doesn't like something or someone - his little minions will exile said person and create unnecessary drama because they're immature - much like my ex and the reason we broke up. I really like this guy, and I'm falling for him - though I feel sad because it feels like we're having to "sneak" around because I don't want people to be horrible to him just because my ex is bitter and childish. I want to hold his hand in public and not have to silence how happy he makes me when our mutual friends ask about him and if I'm seeing anyone. I don't really know what to do. Me and my ex weren't serious, but he's got a large body of people at his feet. The guy doesn't care what other people think of him, though it hurts me because even he jokes how he'll be exiled from their social circle - knowing it's the truth. He shouldn't have to lose friends just because one person just wants to cause trouble, surely? How should I handle this? I don't want other people involved in our business, but also I feel like a secret, because well, I suppose I am - and that makes me feel disposable, even though I know he isn't that type of person. Is it best we just carry on it quiet?
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broke up, immature, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2017):
 What does your boyfriend have to say? Does he want to keep the relationship quiet or is it more you? You see your ex is the immature one and off course you and your boyfriend have done nothing wrong and you should be able to be public without feeling like you are doing something wrong or that you will loose friends over being together, if they want to choose sides with your ex then they are not true friends.
The only advice I have for you and your boyfriend is to be yourself, act like a couple, be a couple and of people turn against you then they are not worth being in your life in the first place.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (9 November 2017):
 Don't ALLOW your ex to dictate your life choices and to try and control your happiness.
The truth is, YOU are in CONTROL of YOUR OWN LIFE, NOT YOUR EX!
You do what's best for you and for your new man and stand proud.
If your new bf is ok with going public, then do it and don't tiptoe around your ex worrying about what he or everybody will say.
Who gives two hoots regarding other's opinions!
Whatever you do, people will ALWAYS talk, ALWAYS gossip, so try not to worry about that.
You and your bf, be strong and be proud and when others see that you guys couldn't care less, they will back off and keep their comments to themselves.
Whatever you do in your life, don't allow others to rule you with an iron fist and don't worry about others opinions, especially when you know you're not doing anything wrong.
Just live your life and have fun.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 November 2017):
 Are you going to sneak around for the rest of your life just so you don't upset your ex?
Real friends will not dump him just because your immature idiotic ex tells them to. If they DO dump him, that will show them up for the fickle pretend friends they are and he needs to find himself some REAL friends.
You should NEVER be someone's dirty secret. Hold your head high and be proud of who you are dating. If anyone has a problem with it, they are not real friends.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 November 2017):
 If your NEW BF is fully OK with going public and YOU are as well then GO for it. Life is too short to let some BULLY control your life and love-life.
Maybe if people see the two of you saying FU! to your ex-BF by dating and being happy others will not be such sheep.
However, if you both "fear" the ex-BF so much... don't date. And don't use a TINY dating pool that is your ex-BF's friends or cohorts. IT limits YOUR life.
Don't let him dictate WHO you can love.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (8 November 2017):
 If your guy doesn´t care what people think then why should you?
I think that you shouldn´t have to hide your happiness or tip toe around town because of your loser ex. Look, if new guy makes you happy like you say he does then that´s all that should matter. Leave the ex out of it. He will end up bitter and alone with his attitude while you and new guy will only be growing with each other.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 November 2017):
 Personally, I wouldn't care about what your ex has to say about that matter. If you aren't friends with your ex anyway then what's it going to do if he spreads a few rumours? you don't live you life to please others so what's the point in acting like you're living a secret life.
Be as public as you want to with your man and I wouldn't rise to anything your ex has to say. If he turns people against you then they weren't your friends in the first place so it's good riddance.
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