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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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My ex still loves me but I don't want to hurt my current boyfriend.
Q. I suddenly met my ex in a wedding a month ago. He still loves me the same and love me though he know I'm in a new relationship. He always treated me a way far better than my present one. I don't want to hurt anyone. But I'm stuckedin between two. ...
A. 6 January 2018: Block them both, move on with your life.
Why dwell on the past?... (read in full...)
Dealing with low self-esteem and body image from acne scars
Q. Hi guys, I have been dating a guy for close to 2 months. We have a great connection and i really like him. But he cares too much about physical appearance. I think I am good looking, both body and face, but have hypopigmented acne scars on my...
A. 4 January 2018: Glad to hear it.
Best wishes for the future ... (read in full...)
My question is should I follow my heart and keep seeing her because I feel great in her company or should I cut my losses now?
Q. So I've been living in Spain for a few months and I met a local girl and we really hit it off the first night. I tried to meet up with her again but she said she just wanted to be friends because she liked a German guy she met a few weeks ago but he ...
A. 4 January 2018: Run a mile.
Complete and utter messer. She's trying to pin the blame on you here? She's openly told you she likes another guy and is still in contact with him....are you willing to be in competition?
You're going to get hurt here.... (read in full...)
Should I end it with my bed buddy or fight for him?
Q. This is kind of a long story... I've had this weird on-again, off-again thing with this guy for two years. I wouldn't call him a friend; just a bed buddy. We'd meet up once or twice every month or two just to hook up and then we wouldn't talk un...
A. 3 January 2018: Talk to him about what exactly?
I really don't think he cares even if he does know, all he wants from you is no strings attached sex and you're giving it to him so why would he kick up a fuss?
You're really barking up the wrong tree here, this ... (read in full...)
I'm extremely hurt that he doesn't believe I'm contributing enough!
Q. Hello everyone, I am a full time student with the occasional summer internship. I am studying a very rigorous major and while I've been in school for 3 years, it will take at least another two for me to finish my bachelors degree. I am a very good...
A. 2 January 2018: There's no other option but to tell him what you saw.
You can't just ignore this and pretend it never happened as there may come a time where he says enough is enough and ends things himself then you're on short notice to figure things out for ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about the looks I will get if I buy condoms
Q. Hi all, Recently, I got together with a guy and well, our relationship has been moving fairly quickly. I absolutely okay with how it's going. So, I was just wondering, he will coming to visit me at my own place (I live near my uni campus), and lik...
A. 2 January 2018: As honeypie said, would you prefer an std or a child over a funny look?
If you have internet access you can buy condoms online at amazon or eBay.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has dozen of photos of his exes on his profiles
Q. Hello everyone. My bf has dozens of old pictures with exes on his profiles. He said he cleaned it up but there’s still pics with at least 3 ex girlfriends. He said it’s my job to help him delete things. I’m not sure what to think about this. I said ...
A. 2 January 2018: I don't really see anything wrong with it to be honest. I have many friends that have split up with partners and not removed pictures off their social media. To be quite frank why should they? It's part of THEIR life, it's nothing to do with you.
... (read in full...)
Is this my life now for ever?
Q. I have been living with an ex girlfriend of mine for 4 years. We are both lonely, and don't have families or friends. I sometimes think is this my life now, we are both nearly 60 years old and are going nowhere. I know I am not as happy as I used to ...
A. 2 January 2018: Why are you living together if you're not in a relationship?
What are your hobbies and interests? Do they have local clubs you can join? Are there any pubs or similar local that you can visit to get out the house? Have you tried online dating? ... (read in full...)
I get an erection during foreplay but lose it during sex. What do I do about it?
Q. Every time I try to have sex with my girlfriend i instantly get hard during foreplay but as soon as I am ready to have full sex I lose my erection I don't know what to do I love her very much and want to please her sexually ...
A. 2 January 2018: Period of not masturbating*... (read in full...)
I get an erection during foreplay but lose it during sex. What do I do about it?
Q. Every time I try to have sex with my girlfriend i instantly get hard during foreplay but as soon as I am ready to have full sex I lose my erection I don't know what to do I love her very much and want to please her sexually ...
A. 2 January 2018: I have a similar problem but it's not being able to ejaculate from intercourse from time to time. I went through a 3 week period of it masturbating and it sorted the problem, but whenever I started again the problem came back.
Id imagine the same... (read in full...)
How do you deal with unrequited love?
Q. I had asked this question earlier just to give a little background to my problem. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-get-started-with-her.html Anyway I was going to follow a lot of the advice and tread lightly with this girl. Problem ...
A. 2 January 2018: The main thing to take away from this is that no matter how right things felt between you and this girl, it was NOT meant to be. Believe me buddy I've been exactly where you are, where it feels that things are going great and you can see a fantastic ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend suffers from ptsd. Do I give him ultimatums?
Q. Yesterday i hoped i would see in the new year with my boyfriend but didnt , reason being he had been in hospital ( for a week ) over christmas because of his ptsd ( which i was aware of before we got together ) and was let out yesterday evening. He ...
A. 2 January 2018: What reason would you use for dumping him then?
If he didn't have ptsd and you saw him the same amount would you still be with him? The fact of the matter is there is a problem in this relationship for you. He sounds perfectly happy with the situ... (read in full...)
Does my husband friend want a threesome?
Q. I got the feeling that my husbands friend was hinting for a threesome but I’m not sure. We’ll call his friend Lucas. It all started about two months ago when the three of us along with five other friends hired a cabin in the woods for a long ...
A. 1 January 2018: I do think your husbands friend has made an excessive amount of sexual hints towards you. I would agree he's testing the waters to see what you guys think of it.
Between my friends we do make a lot of similar jokes, but that's usually just bet... (read in full...)
My ex still loves me but I don't want to hurt my current boyfriend.
Q. I suddenly met my ex in a wedding a month ago. He still loves me the same and love me though he know I'm in a new relationship. He always treated me a way far better than my present one. I don't want to hurt anyone. But I'm stuckedin between two. ...
A. 1 January 2018: Personally, I don't think either of these guys are right for you.
An ex is named that for a reason. You broke up because something wasn't working and it's always easy to look back on the relationship and say what you'd change to make it work a s... (read in full...)
I ended things at Christmas and gave each other's presents back, but she is furious about it!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years, but we don't live together. I've been hesitant of her moving in, because in the past she has professed the belief that a man should sacrifice himself financially for a woman. Because of this, we ...
A. 1 January 2018: Stop beating yourself up over it man.
SHE offered to give it back, I really don't think accepting that offer is a bad decision. Especially if you spent a lot of money on it and put yourself in a poor financial position as least you can re-coup ... (read in full...)
I ended things at Christmas and gave each other's presents back, but she is furious about it!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years, but we don't live together. I've been hesitant of her moving in, because in the past she has professed the belief that a man should sacrifice himself financially for a woman. Because of this, we ...
A. 31 December 2017: You do whatever you like my friend.
She sounds like a spoiled brat, good riddance. I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did and there's absolutely no reason to be bothered about it. She's in the past, let her sulk.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend planned a week long New Year's party at his parents' holiday home despite knowing that I wouldn't be able to make it because of my upcoming exams
Q. My boyfriend [24M] of 6 years decided to throw a week long New Years party with all our mutual friends (roughly about 20 people) at his parents holiday home, which is couple of hours drive away, while I [23F] stay back and study for finals for grad ...
A. 31 December 2017: I agree with the others, nothing wrong here.
It's not your BFs fault that your study time falls over new year. Sounds like he's hosting a great party for his friends and I really don't think he should have to feel guilty because you can't make it.... (read in full...)
Can this violent, abusive relationship be saved?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years now. We have a house together and before we moved in, we had a great time. However when we moved in, he kept throwing parties and his friends would strip naked and jump into our bed, be ...
A. 30 December 2017: Why are you questioning yourself?
Has he really affected your confidence that much that it's making you think it's your fault? This guy is a dick, plain and simple. Other people DO NOT dictate how you act as an individual. He chooses to act this... (read in full...)
Is it selfish to break up with him over this?
Q. A couple of months ago my boyfriend and I had an argument, I was trying my best to start sex with him, I don't know if he was maybe tired but he got annoyed and said it's a turn off putting sex on a plate. So I decided to stop trying, I though...
A. 30 December 2017: Absolutely not.
If your sex drives don't match its a perfectly acceptable reason to break up. You've talked about things and nothing has changed, what else can you do? He even went as far as calling you unsavoury names over it which shows a refusa... (read in full...)
Can this violent, abusive relationship be saved?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years now. We have a house together and before we moved in, we had a great time. However when we moved in, he kept throwing parties and his friends would strip naked and jump into our bed, be ...
A. 30 December 2017: Wow, just wow.
What exactly are you trying to save here??? How about saving your LIFE and getting away from this man before you still can.
There is NOTHING you should be trying to do to get this relationship back on track, it should of ended ... (read in full...)
I don’t regret the decision I made to split ways but is there anything I can say to make things right between us as friends?
Q. My boyfriend and I officially parted ways about 6 months ago after 4 years together on and off. I made a judgement call during his visit to see me in Boston from New York this past summer. As much as I loved and cared for him, there were some ...
A. 29 December 2017: Leave the man be.
Why do you feel like you have to be on good terms? This is how some people deal with breakups. I'm the same, I wouldn't contact any previous partners even as friends as there is simply no point.
You don't owe each other anyth... (read in full...)
Worried my girlfriend will cheat while out of town on NYE.
Q. My girlfriend of seven years is going to spend New Years Eve with a friend of hers who lives in another state. This is the first NYE we will spend apart since we've gotten together. My girlfriend (and her friend, who has been her best friend ...
A. 29 December 2017: If someone is going to cheat, they will do it no matter what.
If she hasn't given you a reason to doubt her then why are you doing? The whole point of being in love with someone else is because you trust them not to screw you over.
How is ... (read in full...)
No Christmas gift from him!
Q. I have a December birthday and my boyfriend of 9months got me a gift for my birthday but today on Chritsmas no gift. He got one from me. After his family left I asked if he had a gift for me, he said no he ran out of money and hopes to take me...
A. 27 December 2017: I agree with jls.
Unless you've discussed and agreed to not buy each othe presents or set a limit it's absolutely unacceptable to not buy a partner a gift. You don't even have to buy anything you could make something for next to nothing.
I wo... (read in full...)
I'm fed up but still attached to my long distance boyfriend!
Q. My boyfriend and I are long distance and have been like this for 4 months. I am honestly fed up with him. He recently keeps asking for money when I clearly say that I dont have anything to give him (partly because I dont want to get used and see if ...
A. 27 December 2017: In all honesty this guy sounds pretty creepy.
From your post I'm not sure exactly what there is to like about him? LDR relationships imo are pointless, especially if there's no end in sight. Why date someone miles away that you can rarely see? Whe... (read in full...)
Family troubles have me at my wits end
Q. I’m in a tough spot. Due to some circumstances, I am living with my boyfriend and his siblings in their parents summer home. It was a very good living situation - none of us paid rent and we had a huge house to the four of us while his parent...
A. 27 December 2017: I remember your previous questions about this girl.
There's not really much you can do besides deal with it. Calling her out would be the worst possible idea as that would lead to the family turning against you. They will never take your side ove... (read in full...)
Can't wait for more with my gay hookup
Q. I would really appreciate some help with this. For the past 5/6 weeks I have been talking to this guy on a gay hook up app. At first it was just the casual “hi, how are you?” sort of thing but then we got a bit dirty. 2 weeks ago we met up and ha...
A. 26 December 2017: Is this the first person you've had sex with?
If so it's very normal to get hung up on this person. I don't think hanging out with this guy would be a good idea considering you wanted more and he doesn't. This could turn into an arrangem... (read in full...)
Having a hard time getting over my ex!
Q. I’m all alone this X-Mas season, thinking about my ex a lot. She’s my first love and since we broke up my life has been a mess. I’m in uni right now but it’ll take me awhile to graduate. My best semester was when we were dating. Now I feel so ...
A. 26 December 2017: The way you're thinking isn't healthy at all.
A partner is supposed to be someone that compliments and ADDS to your life, not makes it. The second that you become dependent on your other half is where the downfall begins as you become clingy a... (read in full...)
I'm low on cash but why are dates so weird with me but good to other girls?
Q. I am underemployed, I am very up front with guys that I am not earning much. I even offer to alternate paying/split early on. However men I date are very funny about my financial situation. An example is a guy who I dated recently who boasted to me ...
A. 26 December 2017: I have to agree with misskin I'm getting the same impression.
You say you're happy to pay but sound like you're shocked that the guy isn't paying because they earn more money. So what if they own more money, you have offered to pay for that par... (read in full...)
My ex's actions make me feel like I was never worth fighting for
Q. Hi guys, So this is an ongoing problem with my ex bf that has left me feeling confused, angry, resentful, but mostly hurt, and I need advice on how to deal with the situation. So earlier this year, I posted on this website about whether or no...
A. 26 December 2017: I'm glad that you're feeling better about the situation.
I would say you're being bitchy at all. Not wishing someone a merry Christmas that you don't want anything to do with is completely normal. In fact I think you'd be doing yourself no favou... (read in full...)
Playing truth or dare .... I didnt like his answer.
Q. I’ve been talking to this boy he’s in the same year as me but in a different school and tonight we were playing truth or dare I asked him what the most he had done with a girl is and he said he wants to take it back but he’s fingered someone.Ohhh ...
A. 22 December 2017: In what way are you upset? I'm not sure I understand.
Upset that you like him and he has done sexual things with someone else? Or that it was a graphic answer?
Either way I think you're WAY too young for this kind of thing. The legal age of con... (read in full...)
Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 22 December 2017: I'm really starting to think this is a troll.
Possibly the most pointless question I've seen on this website considering this situation doesn't even concern you and whenever you've been asked why you're interested you ignore the question... (read in full...)
How do I stay out of friends argument?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles, two if my dear friends had a fight, I stayed out of it. The one who's in the wrong keeps insisting I take her side, the one who's right is glad I'm out of it. I keep telling the one who's insistent that I like them both an...
A. 21 December 2017: I have to agree with the others.
It makes sense that you don't want to get involved in the spat, but if she's insisting on you giving your view and it's different to hers then tell her. That may be the kick up the backside that she needs to apolo... (read in full...)
Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 21 December 2017: Please explain to us then why you've asked 2 questions on the exact same subject? You keep swerving the question.
I can't fathom why you're so interested.... (read in full...)
Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 20 December 2017: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-my-general-manager-so-hung-up.html... (read in full...)
Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 20 December 2017: You have already asked a question of the exact same scenario from the viewpoint of female A...... (read in full...)
Should I go and see my ex and offer my condolences because his father died?
Q. I received a text message from my ex boyfriend this morning saying that his dad passed away last Thursday. I hadn't heard from him for two months before that and haven't seen him for three months. We broke up ten months ago . Strangely enough, I ...
A. 20 December 2017: I agree with the others, complete garbage.
Not allowed GFs in the house? How old is this guy? 12 years old??
I think he's used this situation to contact you in hopes of starting something back up, what it is I don't know. Maybe the other poster... (read in full...)
How do I get started with her?
Q. Little background: I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl or been on a date. Total geek, overweight, and not handsome/physically attractive in anyway. Basically no redeeming qualities for the opposite sex. I've long thought about just seein...
A. 20 December 2017: You sound like you have very low confidence and the only way you're going to get anywhere with females is by turning that around.
Firstly, why not join a gym? Exercise classes? Improve your diet? A great way to improve your confidence is to start... (read in full...)
I'm crushing on my ex's brother, his partner is my friend
Q. I no this might sound really bad. But I am so confused right now!! I split with my ex over 3 years ago we have a child together. I have stayed close with his brother and with The brothers current partner. Me and the brother have always been flirty ...
A. 20 December 2017: Well the brother is already showing how much of a sleaze he is. On a night out with his partner and she's away for a few minutes and he's already trying to tap up another girl....what a catch.
If you are a friend of his gf also, why would this eve... (read in full...)
Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 19 December 2017: I'm really struggling to understand why you care so much?
You're 36+ years old....you're not living in a soap opera. What you're describing is a work atmosphere. Instead of wondering the behind the scenes of your boss' love life looks like, wh... (read in full...)
He wants sex 2 times a day or more!
Q. I started seeing a mew guy. I really really like him. Hes very very affectionate which i love. However, he wants sex/relief twice a day, sometimes even more! The other day he woke me at 3am to have sex, but in the morning he wanted it again. Every ...
A. 19 December 2017: How do you express anything in life?
Open your mouth. How else does he know there's a problem unless you tell him? As far as he's concerned you're absolutely loving the amount of sex you're currently having and he's overjoyed to have met someone ... (read in full...)
Should I go and see my ex and offer my condolences because his father died?
Q. I received a text message from my ex boyfriend this morning saying that his dad passed away last Thursday. I hadn't heard from him for two months before that and haven't seen him for three months. We broke up ten months ago . Strangely enough, I ...
A. 19 December 2017: I don't think either of these men are for you.
Distance yourself from both, end your current relationship as it sounds like you're getting no satisfaction whatsoever. Even if you still have feelings for him, the relationship didn't sound good and... (read in full...)
Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 18 December 2017: Yes of course people settle for others in life.
Lots of reasons: Lack of ambition, fear of loneliness, comfortability to name a few.
The real question is why are you asking this question? Why would you be bothered if it had nothing to do wi... (read in full...)
Should I go and see my ex and offer my condolences because his father died?
Q. I received a text message from my ex boyfriend this morning saying that his dad passed away last Thursday. I hadn't heard from him for two months before that and haven't seen him for three months. We broke up ten months ago . Strangely enough, I ...
A. 18 December 2017: Well that depends.
Do you want to see him? Are you hoping to achieve something from seeing him? Are old feelings going to be brought up? It is actually going to be a good idea?
Honestly, you're broken up. He wants someone to lean on through ... (read in full...)
Dealing with low self-esteem and body image from acne scars
Q. Hi guys, I have been dating a guy for close to 2 months. We have a great connection and i really like him. But he cares too much about physical appearance. I think I am good looking, both body and face, but have hypopigmented acne scars on my...
A. 7 December 2017: IF he does break up with you because of it, why would you want to be with him anyways? Surely you would want to be with someone who is accepting of whatever flaws you feel you have? ... (read in full...)
My ex's actions make me feel like I was never worth fighting for
Q. Hi guys, So this is an ongoing problem with my ex bf that has left me feeling confused, angry, resentful, but mostly hurt, and I need advice on how to deal with the situation. So earlier this year, I posted on this website about whether or no...
A. 4 December 2017: I genuinely don't think it's a problem with you so stop making it out that it is. In all honesty he just sounds like an absolute lazy bum in all aspects of his life. It's not that he isn't doing things for YOU he's not doing anything for HIMSELF.
... (read in full...)
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