A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I've reconnected with a girl I had a relationship with in school. I was 16, she was 15 and we went out for about a year. She was my first love and in the end we mutually broke up for a number of reasons but it was not on bad or bitter terms. I managed to stay really good friends with her and over the years we'd meet up now and again, either when one of us had broken up with a partner or one of us was upset or we needed someone we could talk to etc etc. We'd always end up sleeping together, I'd get feelings for her again and she'd do a runner. But I still never held it against her and was always there if she needed me even if we never spoke again for weeks, months, years. I've been single about a year and she's recently broken up with a long term partner of 3 years and we reconnected over facebook (I initiated it innocently just to say hi and see how she was doing not knowing shed broken up with her boyfriend and moved back home to england after 3 years living in wales). We've been meeting pretty frequently over the past month and we've both been having the best time hanging out. She's been telling me how much she enjoys being with me and that she loves how she can be herself around me. That she loves my company, she feels safe around me and is really glad we've reconnected. We've been getting really close. We went out for a night out drinking together last weekend and it was an amazing night that we both have agreed is the best night out we've had in a long time. That night, she leaned in and kissed me as we cuddled waiting for a taxi and she came back and stayed at mine for the night. We never had sex but we shared a bed kissing and cuddling until the following evening. I purposely never made the move to sleep with her as I genuinely have strong feelings for her and I don't want her to do a runner again and I'm happy to take things slow to let her know that's not just what I want from her. We've met a few times after that and there is no awkwardness at all and she's still been kissing me and telling me she loves being around me and that she's happy when she sees me and is in my company. I've worshiped this girl since I was 16 and she has told me she has adores me since we met all those years ago. I've always looked to replace her with other girlfriend's but none ever compare to her. I genuinely love this girl and I always have. I want to tell her how I feel but I'm petrified she doesn't actually feel the same way. Im now 27 and she is 26. Weve both grown up a hell of a lot and were both a lot more mature now. We have a great friendship now which is not how it used to be which was based on meeting up to sleep together whenever one of us broke up with a partner just for a shoulder to cry on. This time it feels like much much more. She's like my best friend but I want to be with her. I always have! I really want a relationship with her but at the same time I don't want to ruin our friendship. But on the other hand I couldn't bare to see her with someone else and I don't want that to happen and wonder what if. Should I go for it and tell her how I feel hoping she feels the same way? Does it sound like she's interested in being with me? I really don't know what to do so any advice is welcome.All I know is that I genuinely love this girl more than anything in this world and I'd do anything for her and anything to be with her! She makes me happy just being around her and I still get butterflies like a loved up teenager anytime we get close. I need to know how she feels!What do I do????
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2018):
 So OP tell us how did you get on?
A
male
reader, Sam Wilson  +, writes (23 November 2017):
 Its really nice to hear that. Im proud and happy for you dude, you knew what your heart wants and you went for it. Its good that your having fun, just emjoy her company and the experiences. Things may rise or they may fall, so cherished these times and continue to be what she needs for your relationships sake. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2017): Another updateThings are going ridiculously well. We still haven't discussed exactly how we feel about each other though. Im itching to find out how she feels and I really want to tell her exactly how strongly I feel about her but im holding back as i still dont want to come on too strong and scare her off. I know I'm not great at reading signals and body language but I think I can work out that she has very deep feelings for me. Her eyes say it all. I mean you can kind of tell when someone's smitten lol. But yea, things are moving at a good pace and I honestly think this could be it for us. We get along so good and just bounce off each other. It's like something I've never experienced with anyone else. Were having some of the best sex weve ever had. Its mind blowing. We go away for the weekend in 2 weeks. I've booked a romantic hotel and that is where I plan to try make things official. Could backfire, could not. Don't know unless you ask right? I'll let you guys know how I get on.Thanks again for all the advice.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 November 2017):
Sounds like things are going well and you both seem to be on the right path.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 November 2017):
 Sounds like things are going great and I hope it continues for you.
Best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2017): Just a quick update....Thanks for everyone's advise. I haven't told her how I feel yet but things are going very well. We've been spending a lot of time together and we've become closer than ever and very intimate. I've tried not to seem too keen or smother her but she's always the one to insist on seeing eachother and well, who am I to say no. I love being around her and she says the same.We spent this weekend together and we both had the most amazing time and Saturday night, we slept together. We had really slow, passionate, sensual sex(what most people would call 'Making love' I guess) and I can honestly say it was quite possibly the best sex I'd ever had (I didn't hear any complaints from her either lol). We've never had that kind of sex before and it was amazing!Since then, she still seems interested and certainly hasn't done a runner and isn't showing any signs of doing so. We talk every day and meet most nights of the week unless one of us is busy. She's still telling me how much of an amazing person I am and how much she loves spending time with me. She's even been talking about going on holiday together in a few months and talking about lots of things and places we can do/go together in the future. We haven't discussed our feelings towards eachother but it already feels like we're in a relationship but without it being official. I'm taking things at her pace and trying not to rush things as I don't want her getting the jitters but things this time just seem right. She's matured so much and maybe she's finally realised she wants a boyfriend like me. All she does is tell me how I'm such an amazing person, how nice i am to her, how well I treat her and how everything about me is amazing.Maybe this time we'll end up together and I certainly hope so because I really do love this girl and it would literally be a dream come true for me. Hopefully I'll have some good news to post soon so I'll keep you updated.Thanks again for the advice :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (9 November 2017):
You answered your own question here, you need to know how she feels! Therefore you need to ask her. She is not your friend, you have went way passed the friendship line and there is no going back now. It is clear you are head over heels for this girl and from what you have wrote it does sound like she is fond off you as well.
The only thing here that stands out is that she used to always run away so I can see why you want to take it slow and why you are scared off putting your heart on the line. But the only advice I can give you is act now before it is to late. You need to be honest with her and you need to tell her how you feel, how she makes you feel and what you want. Be brave, find the confidence and go and sweep her off her feet and off course let us all know how it goes.
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (9 November 2017):
To be honest,if you want to be with her or continue being with her I'd wont make any drastic changes or confessions just yet. She seems to be afraid of commitment and is fine with how things are the way now. Keep cool, ask her out more frequently and let her realize that he wants to be with you herself.It's a bit hard there are no guarantees but if you really love this girl all you can do is be with her for the long haul. We all ride life very differently and we just have to wait for her to make things up like her future with you (or without you )on her own. Things are going to be rough she may leave you,or treat you like a safety net, So you have to make her feel that you are not always going to be waiting for her to sweep her off her feet and save her. Or would you rather to?But if you ever feel brave or feel that your close enough...be ready to take it to that next level; go steady.Love is constant it's unconditional it shouldn't change every time things get hard. She's a runner and if she really loves you, you shouldn't always ask her everyday: "Will you still love me in the morning?" that is your goal.I hope everything works out and Im rooting for you dude.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 November 2017):
Honestly, I don't think it looks very good for you.
You've known her for what? 11 years? You dated for one year and high school and then keep losing contact sometimes for years? With the only time you get back in touch is when you're both single until one of you get in a relationship again.
It sounds like you're just rebound material for each other, it's easy to meet someone you feel at ease with and can have sex with without it being any deeper. I bet more people than you think have been there.
The major red flag is her disappearing every so often after sleeping together, does that sound like the behaviour of someone who's deeply interested in you? If she wanted a relationship, surely she would be sticking around after that point for feelings to get stronger?
If I were in your shoes I'd go with the flow a little longer, but eventually you're going to have to suck it up and tell her how you feel, I think you would be the better judge of deciding when the time is right. I have been in an on/off situation like this so I know how blinding it can get, unfortunately for me it didn't go as planned, but I got my feelings out in the open and I found out where I stood which then allowed me to start moving on. You need to do the same as you can't go on in this uncertain situation forever, I remember how worrying that unstable feeling is of'where is this actually going?'
Good luck
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (9 November 2017):
 Your story is wonderful, so too, your strong and enduring feelings for this young lady, however, i would suggest that you take it very slowly.
Do not tell her anything just yet.
Give your renewed connection time and build an even stronger strength and bond before letting her know your true feelings for her.
You are doing all the right things for now, by not pressuring her into doing anything, by having no sex.
You are displaying your utmost respect for her and this is great and i'm sure she's noticed and appreciates that.
Take your time and give her time, because most importantly, she's just recently broken up with a long term partner of 3 years and i can tell you as a woman, it's going to take her a lot longer to get over her ex fully and to find her own closure.
You wouldn't want her to say she loves you for the wrong reasons, because she's on the rebounds from her ex, or because she's still feeling somewhat vulnerable and fragile.
Give her all the time she needs and if the two of you are meant to be, you will be and if not, well, you'll have to learn to accept and live with that, as hard as it would be.
I do hope it all works out for you both, however, it all depends upon how SHE feels.
She is obviously interested in you, but perhaps not in the exact same way as you are in her, certainly not for now.
Truly, only time will tell, hence why i said give it more time and don't rush with your feelings.
If she is falling deeply for you, as you have for her, she will let you know, don't you worry about that.
When my husband and i were still dating, we both felt feelings for each other from our first date, but neither of us expressed our true feelings until approximately 7 or 8 weeks into our relationship and that was great because we didn't rush, we took our time and i knew he was the real deal.
Either way, you both share a very special bond and one that goes all the way back to high school.
You've never felt for another so strongly as you feel for this girl and you don't want to have to let go and how beautiful is that? :-)
I can honestly see you proposing to this young lady within the next few years and i hope she feels the same way for you.
It's very possible she may, but again, do take your time.
Good luck and let us know how you go.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 November 2017):
 Basing a romantic relationship on a deep friendship is always a good move and provides strong foundation for the long term.
HOWEVER, her constant "runners" rang alarm bells. You see, I did exactly the same thing with my first boyfriend (many years ago). He was someone I was passionately in love with (in my teenage eyes at least) but, even at that age, I knew that we would never last long term. Like you, we used to reconnect at intervals when we were both at a loose end. Then I would disappear out of his life again because I knew it was not a good idea to get involved too deeply but I needed my "fix" of his friendship and support and, yes, adoration.
It doesn't take a genius to work out this will probably go one of two ways - either she will work out that you are the one she should be with (yay!), or she will get her "fix" of your support and flee back into the outside world to date someone else. This is a pattern which could keep repeating indefinitely if you allow it.
Sorry, I have no suggestions how to make her decide she wants to be with you "properly", except to be yourself (you sound like a really great guy) and not play games. Be honest with her when the time is right but don't go over the top. If you feel she may be ready to disappear out of your life again, I would tell her that it hurts you when she does this and that you are not prepared to keep putting yourself through the same situation over and over. If she realizes you may not be there for her next time she needs support, she may wake up to what she could lose.
Good luck. I really really hope it works out for you both.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (9 November 2017):
She has a history of scaring away, so I would not pour out your feelings at this point. She obviously enjoys being with you and is saying all the right things. Ask her out with increasing frequency, being careful not to smother her. You need to take your time with this one. When you feel it is time to get verbally mushy with her, describe the feelings you had for her in the early part of your friendship and see her reaction to that. Be careful about giving away your feelings at this point. She's been pouring out feelings for you. For now, I'd try to match the enthusiasm she's showing and not take things to a higher level than what her comments suggest is her level of interest.
As to your question regarding whether she is interested in being with you, I assume you mean going steady and not just an occasional date. Again, her comments seem to be leading this way.
This is a great time in your life! The feeling of puppy love is just near impossible to beat. Controlling yourself at this time will also allow you to draw this out and enjoy it. I wish you great luck with this and hope you eventually include us with another visit when announcing your engagement!
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