A
male
age
51-59,
*J Roy
writes:I might drive a Mercedes Benz, and he does not.I might hold a degree, have been to business school, and he does not and hasn't.Well before I perceived her as a love interest, I stepped in to fill in gaps regarding her father figure in life.Years of knowing me, she still rejected me.One night. One party. All he had to do was to stand there,looking good, 'pretending' to be watching his kids dance and have fun.She was suddenly brought to life. She had one leg kicking,and was singing along. Good Lord. I hate being right at times. What do guys like him know that I don't?!I hate having rightly predicted, where I had failed, that someone likehim would manage to have exactly that kind of effect on her.At times, I wish I were dimmer, or knew just how dim I truly am. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (6 November 2017):
 Sorry Sir, but you sound so self-conceited.
Regardless of all you say and how you think about this entire situation, you cannot make a person like you or love you, be drawn to you, UNLESS, they themselves feel something for you.
Material possessions will never attract a sincere and decent partner.
Those who are attracted to material possessions, are those who are driven by such things in life and by nothing more grounded and humane.
You need to reset your mindset and you need to accept what is and not question or challenge it.
It's your LACK OF ACCEPTANCE of what is and why it is, that's the real issue here.
Nobody can change you and your mindset, but yourself.
Also, as i see it, you come across as being rather argumentative and non willing to see the truth for what it is and as it is.
You are somewhat jealous and no matter how jealous you feel or how bruised your ego is now, you must learn to accept that this woman hasn't chosen you.
You may have known her for many years, but that doesn't entitle that she must want you and only you.
She has looked at you most probably as a Father figure and nothing more.
Don't read into it more than you ought.
Just learn to swallow your pride and accept that it's time for you to let go and move on.
You should spend more time doing some self reflecting and doing some work on yourself, your attitude and your negative traits.
Work on those.
When you're less stuck in your ego and your material ways, just maybe then will you attract somebody new.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2017): I personally don't care about money. I may be rare.
I married my husband who had no money. I can still remember my dad pulling me aside and we had that talk. He asked me if I was sure. That the man I was about to marry was not wealthy and could not provide the kind of lifestyle I was used to.
I said yes I was sure. There was just something about him. The kindness in his eyes and heart just took me away. He felt like home.
I dated a doctor briefly before him. The doctor had money. Was successful. A good catch on paper but he was boring and had nothing to say. He defined himself by his job and success. That was all there was to him. I just wasn't interested.
Sometimes those who don't take themselves too seriously catch our attention. That down to earth charm. Living life to the fullest and not trying so hard to be perfect or better than others. You lose your true sense of self when you define yourself by success. I think you need to rediscover the man you really are again. And let go a little. Be more free spirited.
If I were you, I'd take dance classes. You need something like that. Something in the arts. Or painting. Singing. Do karaoke. Dance. Go to a club. You need to be more in touch with your passion and creativity. Are you much too serious? You may need to loosen up. Go on a few more adventures. Just because. Take a break from your old self and old ways of thinking.
You may try too hard being as accomplished as you are. You may give off a certain vibe if you are competitive in the business world.
Roll up your sleeves. Run in the sand barefoot. Watch the sunset and contemplate life. Really live in the moment.
Dance class will open up a whole new world. A different type of confidence. It looks like you need more passion and abandon. To veer away from thinking you're a good catch cause you're successful in business and driving a fancy car. Work on telling stories, on smiling more, being interested in what others have to say, making them laugh, having fun and not being afraid to be silly. The real YOU is hiding behind your corporate persona. You've been holding back. This is likely a big reason why you are not engaging with the women you're interested in.
Does any of this make sense to you?
Find your fun side. Embrace it. Put it out there. It will make a difference! Women like men who are approachable and don't have any reservations about being who they are, minus the accomplishments. You will see the changes, even if it's not with this one woman, then definitely with another!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 November 2017):
 How do you know that was part of his 'plan'? Who in their right mind uses their kids as a pawn to get the attention of the opposite sex? It sounds like you're way overthinking this.
To me it sounds like this woman just likes this other guy, simple as that. Your attitude sounds all wrong when it comes to the opposite sex like they're impressed by material items. Of course, some are, but they're the very shallow type that you wouldn't want to attract anyways.
If you have a good personality it's really not hard to attract people both as friends and romantically. You sound like you have work that you need to do on realising that people don't give a crap about what you own, they value good people that add value and enjoyment to thier life. This woman saw value in this guy being a good father whilst you watched scornfully on, let this one go, another female out there will be interested in what you have to offer whether it's your personality or your cheque book.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2017): Some got it, and some don't. Doesn't mean they're a good match, or they're good relationship material.
It also has a lot to do with chemistry and attraction, dear sir! Those two may be an affair already in progress, and you're on the outside looking in! They might be playing discreet; but may already be seeing each other secretly.
You might see the chemistry, but you don't know the story!
Perhaps you might be a superficial person; who assumes your credentials and accomplishments assure you a right to have whomever you want. Sometimes that very attitude and smugness is what turns people off; unless you're looking for a gold-digger, human-parasite, or an opportunist seeking financial-security.
Lighten-up, and turn-on some natural-charm. If you don't have it, I guess you've spent too much time developing everything about you, but your personality. Puffing up your chest, spreading your tail-feathers, and strutting around only works for various species of birds. Works for gay-men, sort of! Letting nature take its course; usually works well if you show confidence. Arrogance is false-confidence inflated with conceit!
Your animal-magnetism and attraction comes from what you project from your body-language, general demeanor around people; and even your facial-expressions.
If you're a good soul, you also project a vibe that draws attention; and makes people want to be close or around you. Even if romance has absolutely nothing to do with it. Your inner-spirit shows, through how you handle people in your presence. Do you make them feel good, or smaller than you?
Arrogance and conceit are traits some people like; but not when you're looking to establish something warm, loving, and meaningful. Not that people like that don't deserve love; they just have a hard-time loving anybody else as much as they love themselves.
When it comes to attraction and romantic-interest, people look for good signals that come from your attitude, your general-appearance, character, and an air of confidence. Your charm and vulnerability is what makes you approachable and attractive. That's what decent and good-spirited people look for in a mate. Horny people don't care, throw them in the pile with opportunists or users.
Any narcissistic egotistical-showoff can get attention; but it's charm and sincerity that comes across as sexy and dynamic in a guy's personality. If you possess these qualities, it's what you look for in your match. A horny-pig is less discriminate; and just wants to get-off. They're thinking with their genitals. The hell with personality!
A narcissist seeks souls and worshipers.
Yes indeed, some are more drawn to the sexy bad-boys; but bad choices have bad consequences. The difference they say between stupid people and ignorant people; is that ignorant people can learn. So after a few bad-choices, you'll figure-out that it matters more what kind of a person he or she is; over how great they look, or what they have.
We are all preconditioned and mentally-calibrated to be attracted to certain physical-attributes, personality-types, and facial-characteristics; but materialistic-people look for things that are more on the surface. It's about looks, success, and wealth. Looks don't matter when there's a lot of money involved. The money gets the love! When the money stops, they're gone!
Love isn't usually what you get in exchange for doling-out cash and showing-off your success. You attract the wrong kind of people.
Even if you have it all, you can't always get what you want.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (5 November 2017):
We all feel different attractions. Perhaps there are women wondering why you are so attracted to this woman rather than to them.
Perhaps you were too easy to get. It is more likely that he is her type. Perhaps she didn't like the fact that you are too wrapped up in what car you drive or your level of education. The most important characteristics to be considered when selecting a partner do not have much to do with either of these. More important considerations involve living patterns and habits, spiritual beliefs, health, outlook, integrity, sense of humor, honesty, family ties, sexual attraction, humility, appearance, matching libidos, political beliefs and so on. Just from what you've written, it appears that she was attracted to his relationship to his kids and his ability to have fun. It sounds like it was a "love at first sight" situation. When it gets down to phase of dealing with the traits noted above, perhaps it will turn out that he is not the one for her. She has gone thru that phase with you and decided you arne't the one.
In any case, it just doesn't appear that this was going to be the right relationship for you. Just about all of us go thru this type of rejection...believing that we are the best match for the other person but confounded and heartbroken that they don't see us the same way. I can understand that you feel that she has taken advantage of you, but you are the one who put yourself in this position. Sad, but you are in the same boat that millions of others have gone thru. The best thing to do is to learn from this experience and renew your search for the woman of your dreams.
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A
male
reader, PJ Roy +, writes (5 November 2017):
PJ Roy is verified as being by the original poster of the question@N91,"Are women supposed to be falling at your feet because you drive a Mercedes and have a degree?"I'm sorry, English is not my first language, and in my learning of English, my usage of "might" (twice) is the operative word that answers the matter of whether it is about my 'attitude', and my having any expectation that women should be falling at my feet for my possessions and education.I _might_ still be seeking to understand how truly dim I am... but I'm not *that* dim.-------------------------------When I say 'pretending' to be watching his kids dance, I mean that I saw it unfolding right in front of me: that was part of his seduction 'plan', he was working on her... he had this way of stepping into her personal space and quickly 'owning' it... winning her... making her want him to own it...And he had not even said a word to her... I could sense from her body language how her heart must have been racing, just from his being there... That's not [yet] personality... that's compelling presence.At some point, he managed to step right next to where she was seated, and all but thrust his lower front inches away from her face. I swear to God, she must have been hyperventilating at that point.And I went, ohhh maaannn... so this is how it's done?! I was so clueless all along! [is that the attitude of somebody who feels 'entitled', you think?]
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 November 2017):
I'm sorry but you sound pretty up your own backside here.
Are women supposed to be falling at your feet because you drive a Mercedes and have a degree? Lol maybe this kind of attitude is where your problem lies.
If you're acting like a father figure to a love interest why would she reciprocate those feelings? Why would anyone want to date a father figure?
She's not interested, instead of being bitter and having this entitled attitude that females are supposed to like you because of your possessions and education, maybe loosen up a little and 'pretend' to have some fun like this other guy and people will be more warmed to your personality than your Mercedes Benz.
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