A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are long distance and have been like this for 4 months. I am honestly fed up with him. He recently keeps asking for money when I clearly say that I dont have anything to give him (partly because I dont want to get used and see if hes still gonna talk to me or not), saying things like hes in debt and hes embarrased to ask but he has to and all sort of excuses. i am also supposed to be seeing him next month. The first thing he said was: when you come i want to sneak into your hotel room, without even offering to show me around for example or showing excitement about seeing me, although he clearly knows that im a virgin and not willing to change that anytime soon, and when i told him i can see where hes going he said no i just love you and want to spend private time with you. At the same time he introduced me to his family back when I was in his country and I am a 100% sure its his real family dont worry about that. I am really confused its like i know i have to stop this but at the same time i feel like i always wanna give it another chance because I really like him and although we havent known each other for long i feel like im really attached. Please help!
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (27 December 2017):
 In all honesty this guy sounds pretty creepy.
From your post I'm not sure exactly what there is to like about him? LDR relationships imo are pointless, especially if there's no end in sight. Why date someone miles away that you can rarely see? Where's the good in that?
If I were you I'd find someone closer and one that can earn his own money.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 December 2017):
 ERRR EDIT!! typo
Should have been he SHOULDN'T ask his GF of 4 months for money...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 December 2017):
1. he should not ask for money and you don't owe him crap. He should be asking his GF of ONLY 4 months for money. If he has debt he needs to find a job or talk to his parents. Simple as that. YOU are not financially responsible for him.
So do not think you HAVE to give him money. It sounds so scammy to be honest.
2. Do you really think there is a future here? It seems like there is a cultural difference that can be hard to overcome in reality.
3. Some saying I want to spend time with you alone in your HOTEL room is up to no good, let's be honest - he isn't looking to glance over your stamp collection. He is hoping for some... "alone" time.
Honestly? I think you are wasting your time with a LDR at your age. Especially with someone from a very different background, values etc. NOT that people can't make that work, but for young people (such as you) with VERY little life experience and relationship experience. There are just TOO many hurdles to overcome. And then you have the whole maturity issue - he doesn't sound very mature at all. I think you are fed up because the "divide" in maturity levels are starting to show. You will OUTGROW him sooner rather than later.
LISTEN to your common sense.
You feel really attached to the FANTASY, the IDEA of the two of you, not necessarily the REALITY of the two of you. Which is normal when most of your interactions are over tech and NOT in person. Who you THINK he is and who he really is, can be different but it just doesn't show up over conversations as much as it would if you got to spend time in person.
Think about it. Wouldn't it be a better thing to end this and find someone whom you can spend time with - give a hug, hold hands and just talk face-to-face for hours or sit and watch Netflix and NOT talk....?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2017): Reading your post, it doesn't seem as though you really like him that much. You don't give any justified reasons to be so hung-up on him. He doesn't seem happy to see you, only wants to know what you can do for him.
Maybe you're too young to realize it, but Americans are often targeted and drawn into relationships by foreigners over the internet. Only to be used.
You KNOW he's using you, but you're trying to buy his affections; because for some reason, you're convinced you care so much for him. Which means he's probably very cute and adorable. Young relationships are usually based a lot on looks, and the feelings are more imaginary than real. Being in-love with being in-love! He's probably a real charmer and gives you a lot of sweet-talk! That's how he lured you to his country!
Sweetheart, you have to see it for what it is. He is using you. He is taking advantage of the affection you have for him, and trying to see what he can get out of the deal.
Here's my advice. If you're in a relationship that feels bad more than it feels good; end it. If you find yourself always reaching into your purse, it's not about love. It's the money.
If a guy never has a cent to his name, and he keeps asking you for favors. How can you believe he cares about you, and not just what you can give him?
Stop being so naive. If you're going to date people from other countries; you're just setting yourself up for scams.
You wrote a post, because you're already suspicious! You just need some confirmation. You're right, time to disconnect! He's playing you for a starry-eyed schoolgirl in puppy-love! I hope he isn't older than you!
He's not your boyfriend. He's a dependent! Give to charity, not mooching boyfriends!
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A
female
reader, Blueeyes2121 +, writes (26 December 2017):
 Im sorry. Life is short to spend time on someone who doesnt respect you, which sounds like what is happening. If you dont want sex then your boyfriend shouldn’t make you feel that is an issue.
He also shouldnt be asking for money, he needs to take care of himself - period! How can he ever take care of you if he is mooching and has no problem with it.
In my opinion your boyfriend sounds like a jerk, not a gentleman.
Only you know for sure, but all of us deserve to feel special.
Good luck!
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