A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of seven years is going to spend New Years Eve with a friend of hers who lives in another state. This is the first NYE we will spend apart since we've gotten together. My girlfriend (and her friend, who has been her best friend for 30 years) are both very good looking women (especially for their ages) and both very outgoing. I'm worried about them going out on NYE, drinking, dancing, and attracting a following with their looks and personalities and, of course, that leading to her cheating.As far as I know she has never cheated on me, although we do have a rocky relationship now and then. Is it unreasonable to be worried about this? I know that if she wants to cheat there's nothing I can do about it but it's just sort of eating me up with worry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, everybody, for the input. I guess the answer to my question is yes, it's unreasonable to worry about this.
Very good points from all of you. There's nothing I can do about what she does, I just have to trust her. I took her to breakfast and the airport this morning, and gave her no indication I was worried about anything. Just encouraged her to have fun and tell her friend hi for me and she said she'll facetime me at Midnight on NYE for a "virtual kiss."
Thanks again for your time in responding.
A
female
reader, Indigoblue65  +, writes (29 December 2017):
Hi!
Firstly, I want to validate what you’re feeling. Before I got married, I felt the same way. But as a woman (not bad looking!??), I needed to be trusted. If my then boyfriend got too soppy, insecure, it really made me feel smothered & that he didn’t believe in me. You have to remember...she’s with YOU! You’re worth ‘not cheating on!’ If you hug her, tell her you love her & to have a great time...I’m sure she’ll be missing you when the clock strikes 12...as I hope you’ll be out having fun, too! But, why are you not together for New Years Eve? If it’s just a matter of work committments, etc..then just bite your lip and trust her. If not, I’d ask her why she’s not with you for New Years. But don’t think you’re alone..many people worry about these things!
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 December 2017):
Your girlfriend can cheat anywhere and anytime she likes as can you. A relationship is a matter of trust. If you don’t trust her out of your sight for one night you need to not be in the relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 December 2017):
 If she wanted to cheat she wouldn't need to go to NY to do it. If she wanted an affair, it'd be much more probable that she would have one at home, and not in a city where she barely goes to visit.
Not that this would comfort you, just pointing out that your fear is just that.. a fear. It's not reasonable or logical. It's an irrational fear. There is nothing you can do to prevent her, or anyone, from cheating. If they will, they will. Their good looks, opportunity or personality will have nothing to do with it. There are plenty of unattractive people who cheat. Really. How many times you get hit on, or the amount of attention received, doesn't really matter.
Actually, the contrary might be true. If she's attractive and used to getting attention, she wont find it so flattering when someone hits on her. She will repel it with ease.
Either way, the point is that a relationship is about trust. You trust her with your heart, trust that she will take care of it for you. Just like you hold her heart in your hands, and it's up to go whether you will care for it, or stomp on it. It's the risk you take when you enter a relationship.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 December 2017):
 If someone is going to cheat, they will do it no matter what.
If she hasn't given you a reason to doubt her then why are you doing? The whole point of being in love with someone else is because you trust them not to screw you over.
How is it any different when you go out? She trusts you not to hop into bed with someone else so why can't you believe that she won't do it either?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 December 2017):
 So what are you saying? That every woman who is good looking and personable is a cheat? Just because she CAN pull the men, she WILL?
If the only reason you are worried she will cheat is that she will not be with you, then that is a very sad reason. What do you normally do? Keep her chained up when you are not together?
My friend, you have to either trust her or let her go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 December 2017):
 How do you propose avoiding this? For her to never do anything with her friends? Never be away from you?
It's not realistic.
IF she wants to cheat, she will.
IF she wants to be faithful, she will - REGARDLESS of the temptations.
Do you often accuse her of cheating? Or "think" that she will cheat? If so, why?
I think you should take a good look at WHY you are jumping to these conclusions.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 December 2017):
 She can cheat on you right under your nose and you wouldn't know! Learn to trust and let go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2017): You have to trust her, like she trusts you not to cheat while she's away. Remember, according to women, our penises have a mind of their own. Men are more likely to be the one to do the cheating in a relationship.
She takes the equal risk you might just decide to go out to celebrate, get drunk, run into a random female; and take her home.
If there is no trust in a relationship; there is no relationship.
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