A
male
age
30-35,
*ako1991
writes:I would really appreciate some help with this.For the past 5/6 weeks I have been talking to this guy on a gay hook up app. At first it was just the casual “hi, how are you?” sort of thing but then we got a bit dirty. 2 weeks ago we met up and had sex and ever since I cannot get him out of my head.We have spoken the odd time since through the app but it doesn’t feel the same. I told him how I felt and said if he didn’t feel the same way then fair enough. He replied saying that we was flattered but was not ready for a relationship (So he said no basically). He messaged me the day after saying that we can still hang out and stuff, to which I said yes. Im cool with this, he isn’t a bad guy but I cannot stop thinking about him even though he said no. We havnt spoken for 4 days now (Not long but feels long) and I keep waiting for him to contact me. I want to leave him alone and not annoy him but I keep checking the app. I notice that since we had sex he signs onto the app less but when he does he doesn’t stay online for long. I got the impression he really enjoyed the sex (which I did too) but I don’t know what to do now. Im now stalking his social media sites. I also felt like I complimented him more and he just said thanks for any compliment that I said to him without him returning one (am I expecting too much?). What can I do to get over this and move on? We only met once yet he is constantly on my mind. I just wish I didn’t care about him but I do. Merry Christmas all and thanks in advance for any help.
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male
reader, jako1991 +, writes (29 December 2017):
jako1991 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the replies, they helped a lot. I feel a lot better about it now.
It was just sex I guess. I dont actually want a relationship at the moment but for some reason this guy got in my head. Suppose I have to live and learn and also to try and not get to attached to people that quickly. I havnt spoken to him for over a week now so I have left it at that.
Thanks again everyone
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2017): As gay hook-up buddies go, they hit and run. He did enjoy the sex; but you didn't listen when he told you he isn't looking for a relationship. Hookup sites are strictly for sex, and the type of guys who subscribe to them do not make good boyfriends. They are detached, narcissistic, and usually quite promiscuous.
You have indulged yourself with easy-access to sex. You are attempting to find dating-material through the wrong venue. First-timers are always lonely guys or curious men looking for their first or another easy connection for gay-sex. Feelings aren't supposed to complicate things. The usual reaction to the rejection is sulking and stalking. Don't do that to yourself, my friend. Let him go.
If you're the type of guy who attaches his emotions to the act of sex, you're searching in the wrong place. Look for a reputable gay dating-site and just date casually until you find the right chemistry. The best way to find gay men who are truly looking for more than just sex; is to delay sex while you spend time together to get to know each other.
Sex on the first date is typical of gay men. It's the main reason gay relationships don't usually last. I'm a gay man, just to let you know. I am experienced and I like to share my wisdom with gay youngsters like yourself; to save you a little heartache and disappointment.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 December 2017):
 The problem with hook-ups OP, is that not everyone come INTO the hook-up with the same expectations.
You both wanted sex somewhere down the line (which is why you both were ON a hook-up app). Unfortunately for YOU, THAT is all he wanted. You would have liked more because you felt you two bonded a little as well.
Some people will SAY or DO anything to get in your pants. That is a given.
He is a stranger - talking for 5/6 weeks over an app doesn't mean you know each other. Your mind filled in the "blanks". For all you know, he may not be entirely gay. He might be bi or curious and YOU were the "guinea pig."
I think IF you are looking for a partner - NOT just a friendly f-buddy you need to hold off on the sex until you are BOTH on the same page.
He has already told you, ALL I want (really) is just sex here and there. YOU have to decide if that is what you want (doesn't seem that way) or not. If it is you need to let go of those "feelings". If you DO want more (a relationship) then you might wanna let this guy go. He isn't looking for a relationship and he WAITED until AFTER the sex to let you know. So yeah, he sweet-talked you into bed. He had no intentions of anything serious - regardless of the sex being good or bad.
You can NOT make a guy LIKE you or want to BE with you by having sex with them. they need to KNOW you as a person, and so do you.
I'd wish him well and block him. Then I'd look ELSEWHERE for a BF - NOT on hook-up apps.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 December 2017):
 Is this the first person you've had sex with?
If so it's very normal to get hung up on this person. I don't think hanging out with this guy would be a good idea considering you wanted more and he doesn't. This could turn into an arrangement where he uses you for sex and you give it up because you like him hoping it will change his mind.
Think about what you want romantically. If it's a relationship, then using a hook up site probably isn't the best idea for you. Personally I'd chalk this one down to experience. Accept that he's not interested and cut the contact. Move forwards and leave this one behind.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (26 December 2017):
Merry Christmas to you too.
Look, you got a knock back. This guy said no, unfortunately he took casual sex first and got in to your head but it doesn’t change the fact. You’re not taking no for an answer. It sounds to me like you know it’s not going anywhere but you’re trying to hang in there in the hope things will change, because you probably know that ignoring him is going to be really hard when he’s on your mind. Unfortunately, you’ve got to brace yourself and cut contact and let time do the rest. You really don’t know this guy but you got emotionally attached. It was just sex but either you hoped it would be more, or you are now hoping that will be the case, but as I said, I think you’ve got your answer.
I wish you all the very best.
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