A
female
age
36-40,
*Brooklyn024
writes:I met my boyfriend at Home depot. We both worked there. He is 41 I am 24. There is an age gap but we hit it off I fell for him and he said he loved me. After a couple of months he started treating me badly...I broke up with him and dated other people but I couldn't get him out of my head. He said he was seeing other people too. I found out I was pregnant and knew immediatley it was his. He denied it and I was devastated. Everyone at work found out and I had to transfer cause u can't date a person higher in the company its against policy. I went through pretty much the whole pregnancy by myself after about my fifth month he finally came around and came to one of my visits to see sonograms,then after that he just called and checked on me. We got back together after she was born and moved in together. He made me get paternity test and she was his of course. He was claiming i cheated on him before we split up first time. Our relationship hasn't been the same since I broke up with him. He doesn't show affection or communicate with me. He claims he doesn't like kissing and he doesn't want to be smothered and he doesn't talk cause there is nothing to say. Now he won't even have sex with me. He says its his medication decreasing his sex drive. (he has prostate cancer) what do i do? Does he still love me?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 July 2010):
He's an abuser. He smiled to your face, led you in and then spat you straight back out. Classic behaviour. It's very possible that the medication and illness have their part to play in all this. But, if I'm being honest, this sounds like an abusive man. I find it far too hard to believe that medication would make a man accuse his girlfriend of cheating, denounce his baby and utterly treat her like something on a shoe. I think he's a man who saw a younger employee and just used you. Not sure what to suggest. Leaving him would be hard at the moment for you. But staying in a relationship like this is going to damage you and your baby. I think first of all you need to sit down and really work out what you want. If you think you can talk to him, then talk to him and see what he says about all this. But if nothing changes, then you'll need to leave him. You can't really bring a baby up in this sort of atmosphere.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 July 2010):
"he has prostate cancer"
This pretty much stopped me in my tracks from whatever I was going to write.
Fighting a life threatening condition can change about anyone. Right now he knows he's going to be a dad, but he doesn't even know if he's going to live long enough to see the baby. depending on how long he's known about his cancer, this could explain why he was reluctant to acknowledge his own child.
What some people do when facing their own end, is to loosen up emotional ties. They don't want to drag other people down with their demise and they want to make it a bit easier on themselves this way because if he'd treat you with the love you deserve, he'd have so much to live for. Alienating you and forcing you to move on (which would be understandable from the way he's acting) would make it easier to face death.
Now, I'm not saying this sort of reasoning is right by any means, but I know of people who have gone about it this way.
Try to talk to him about it. See if you can poke through that wall he's building around himself.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (13 July 2010):
 his medication may have consequences like that, I'm sure it might decrease his sex drive. However, it sounds like he might be unhappy. I'd talk to him about it. sorry this isn't the greatest advice, but I think talking to him about it would be the first thing you should do.
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