A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help!?! With all the pressure from everyone asking what am I going to do with my life after I graduate high school I had no idea and I talked to my bf about working in porn because it seemed like something I would enjoy and get paid well for. He loved the idea and said " that's hot" and said he would support anything I wanted to do but I don't think it's right for a relationship.... I would feel like there is a double standard of me sleeping aroun and he can't. What should I do?
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (15 July 2010):
 People have already told you what sort of relationship you could have if you were to persist with a career in (I'm assuming heterosexual) pornography. It would be on where your boyfriend would also have the license to sleep with other women either within or outside the industry.
Your re-iterating yourself despite this being fairly clear makes me wonder whether you are indeed trolling.
If you're not and you have serious questions about it, give me a PM. I did a little amateur work some years ago and while that does not make me an expert, I can possibly give you a little perspective.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Your being silly.. if you think it's cheating on your boyfriend, then you cannot work in porn. You do not have the right mindset. Working in porn is not a career, it's a job you do if you want to get rich.. again your silly to say you think you'd enjoy it. It's not that kind of job.
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (14 July 2010):
 And to answer your latest response:
It takes a special kind of man to tolerate his girlfriend/wife working in porn. No guy wants his girl having sex with anybody except him. Most porn stars (while I'm not an expert) will usually move towards girl on girl porn when they are in a serious relationship with a NON porn industry man. Other porn stars who have relationships are usually with men who are "in the biz".
Why don't you try including your boyfriend in your porno plans? There are plenty of websites out there (clips4sale.com, etc) that allow regular people to film and upload clips of themselves doing.... stuff. There are many couples that make good money doing that and it's a way to keep your relationship together.
And yes, everybody out there reading this right now I am just as scared by my apparent knowledge of the porn industry as you are. But really... it's not what you think. lol
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (14 July 2010):
I'm having trouble figuring out what your question is. Let me try to get this straight:
It's YOU who's considering working in porn, right?
HE says it's okay, right?
But now YOU feel it's a bad idea to work in porn because of your boyfriend who says it's okay?
I guess the most obvious question that everyone is wondering is:
Why is working in porno an option for you if you already feel that it won't work because of your relationship?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut how then do I have a relationship? Just bcaz I want to work in porn doesn't mean I can't b with someone ever there r people in porn that have relationships and families I just don't know how.
...............................
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 I'm not going to accuse you of trolling, but if you're feeling bad about it, you should not do it. Having sex with someone else when you're in a relationship is totally cheating. Doing what's right isn't easy and this is one of those situations.
Take a look around there are so many fulfilling, meaningful things you could do instead of porn. Please at least go to the local library and ask for the book I told you. Just look at it. Then you have a right to say "it's rubbish" if you think it's not good... but at least you gave it a chance. What do you have to lose?
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 July 2010):
OP, sorry but I find it hard to believe that you are naive enough to actually mean what you wrote. You don't live in a cave and you interact with people on a daily basis. That alone should have taught you something about life. If it's true, it's really sad. The Porn industry is a tough business with many dark sides and the girls that are remotely 'successful' have no misconceptions about what they're doing. You're greener than grass.
And let's get real here. We all know what cheating means. If you were to go off to fuck a bunch of guys in front of a camera as a means of making money, you're cheating on your bf. The fact you say he's encouraging you makes me even more skeptical of your claim. Who in his right mind encourages his gf to go shag other guys?
But hey, if being treated like a piece of meat and getting STD's is what you want, go right ahead and try to be the new Sasha Grey. But atleast she knew what she was getting into.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (13 July 2010):
Dear OP,
Taking into consideration your assertion that you are not trolling, and also the fact that you are not asking us whether a career in porn is a good idea or not, I would still re-iterate my views in my previous post. Please do not proceed with your intended career at your present stage of life.
If you think it's not fair that he should have to stay monogamous while you do not, you will have to be OK with him sleeping with other women. Quid pro quo, eh what? it will eventually lead to both of you losing your interest in each other, followed by indifference, seperation and mutual hatred. It's a fairly common lifestyle in the porn industry. What other response are you expecting?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst I would like to thank those who actually helped me with some advice. For those who think I'm "trolling" wtf is wrong with you? I'm completly serious about my situation it is something I have looked into and really want to do. I know he is a guy and I guess of course would say he likes it idk his serious view on it but I feel bad feeling like I'm cheating on him and expecting him not to.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (13 July 2010):
Does look like a trollish question.
If it wasn't I'd have answered in more detail, but just on the off-chance that this is a genuine question, I'll give a brief resposne. Porn is not really a viable 'career option'. If you're really serious about it, I'd still recommend waiting until you're eighteen to start and even then do only softcore photoshoots until you're twenty-one. Parallely try to find work in a more conventional field as suggested by previous posters.
If, by that time, you find you can deal with the camera, have managed to stay away from drugs, still have your looks and are still interested in doing it, give it a shot. Re-evaluate every six months or so whether you really want to stay in the profession. There's more to porn than just enjoying sex. Take my word for it. The only one's who have actually managed to make a successful career in porn have been girls who did it because they could, not because they felt it was all they were good for.
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Why porn? Is trade school full?
...............................
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (13 July 2010):
Maybe this poster is a troll (thanks for the heads up) and I apologize if you're not.
However my answer may help someone, somewhere out there.
As an American I didn't realize that there was a whole world out there and that there were ways of seeing it. I was in a similar situation and graduating high school with no direction for the future.
I WISH I'd taken a gap year. I wish I'd known about gap years; in USA young people are really sheltered and our public schools and media brainwash into thinking that the rest of the world is just a landfill (no offense to anyone and besides, this is a lie). That's a shame because travelling and seeing the world were just the thing to feel the void I felt.
A gap year is a year where you save up some money, travel, do volunteer work, see the world, instead of diving into college and then a corporate job.
I graduated from high school and freaked out because I wasn't ready for BAM! Four years of public in-stae college and BAM! corporate job. I did NOT go into porn, but I languished in this "what am I gonna do with my life" misery.
After college I found out what a gap year was; they're all the rage in the UK. It's not too late for me; I'm going to teach English in Mexico and other coutnries for awhile; but I wish I'd known about this when I was 18.
Check out Susan Griffith's "Taking a Gap Year."
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 There are two guys saying yeah go for it. You think really, they really want you to do it? I don't think you are reading your bf correctly. You sound more like you are joking with him. This is not something to talk about to your boyfriend and a boyfriend doesn't support that. It's too obvious to have to say hey, porn is not worth it. There are many jobs to choose from that don't jeopardize your relationship with your boyfriend. Don't pick something that you don't want to spend a life time doing it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): You are being foolish.
There is no career: just as most people start to make serious money at 35 you are washed up and starting out again. That money you make between 18 and 35 has to last you whilst you build another career between 36 and 50. And the money is simply not that good; however big the pile of cash appears to you now.
Not to mention that many careers are off limits to former porn workers. Look at that actress who was sacked by Disney for being in a skit about anal sex as a form of contraception. You can imagine their response to an employee who was actually filmed having sex.
Most work is "under the table". Not good for an industry with a risk of severe medical complications such as AIDS, vaginal tearing and anal prolapse. The "industry" is currently fighting in court an actress who got AIDS from an actor, the producers claiming that although they knew he had HIV, they aren't responsible. That's the sort of employers you are dealing with.
Seriously, if you don't know what to do, get yourself a McJob, get some waitressing and bartending experience, and save some cash to go and see the world. It's not something you'll be able to do when you are older with career and children, so take the opportunity presented by your lack of a career plan.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 July 2010):
I think if you want to work in this area, you probably need to let him go. For all him saying that he will be cool with it, I don't think he'll be happy at all. I think maybe you need to let him go and focus on your career area.
...............................
|
