A
female
age
36-40,
*abygirl99
writes:I met this guy about 2 months ago from the day we met we hit it off . The only thing stoping me to let my guard down and move it to the next level is he doesn't have a JOB ! I have ask him why he don't have a job he told me he has been looking and filling out applications but no one calls. Sense we met we have develop a relationship and I'm happy he makes me smile his so sweet a gentlemen but no JOB no CAR . So I have to come pick him up if we wanna spend time together . Not to mention he stays home with his MOM ! So he always wants to come sleep by me which is no problem but I have to always go back and fourth picking him up. Now his starting to ask me for money and little things so I told him if he had a job he wouldn't have to ask me for nothing . I don't no what to tell him at this point I'm torn he drinks and smoke which I don't do both . He likes to party alot I told him if he put twice of entergy into finding a job than partyin he would of been found a job . I do not want to take it to the next level until some things improve ? What shall I do ??
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 July 2010):
You seem like a smart girl. Keep that attitude and you'll be fine. Like CaringGuy said, in these times lots of people struggle to find jobs and your bf may be one of them.
So what I would do is this: tell him you believe him on his word but that you're not going to give him money, as he could get the money he asks for by not smoking and partying. He needs to learn what responsibility is and if he gets crabby to you, don't give in. It's YOUR money and he has no right to demand anything from you. You're in control of your own finances and you don't owe him anything. So be firm when it comes to that.
Another thing:
NEVER lend him money. Or anyone for that matter. Give it or don't. But never expect to get it back.
People can be nasty when it comes to money, so this is a foolproof way to never get caught up in that.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 July 2010):
Hmm. I was out of work when I met my girlfriend, to be fair. Had no car, no job. But was looking. She took me at my word, and I still have her over a year on (I do have a job now, but will have to change again shortly). It is hard out there right now to find a job, so don't think that unemployed people are not looking.
HOWEVER. I never once asked my girlfriend for money, and even turned it down when she offered as I never wanted her to think I was a bum who was living off her. Nor do I smoke, which costs money. I do occasionally go out for a drink with my friend, but that is it.
So what I'm saying is that while I understand it is hard, I find it suspicious that he's asking for money, smoking, drinking and partying. Seems to me like he is a bit of a bum. When I was looking for work, I applied to well over 200 jobs and barely went out. He's not getting his priorities right here, and that's not good enough. At all.
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