A
female
age
41-50,
*at31
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I'm really fed up with the way things are. Everything was great at the beginning and I was really happy. However, lately I've begun to feel miserable and I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend has two teenage kids which wasn't a problem for me. I don't have any kids but would like some one day. His kids were the only reason we argued and I realised that every time I asked him to talk to them about something that was affecting me or the house (I moved in), he would say I should tell them. His kids are a touchy subject because they have been through a lot (he's had to be both mum and dad for a while) and he compensates by letting them do whatever they like and my feelings are just not important. I understand that they will always come first, I just want a little support every once in a while. He is so preoccupied with other things that I feel I'm just there to tidy up after everyone. I've gained quite a bit of weight since we met and feel that this affects the way he sees me. We haven't been intimate for a while and I feel he isn't sexually attracted to me anymore. I can't remember the last time, we spent good quality time togther. I'm slowly going insane because I've tried to talk to him on a few occasions and all I get is if you don't like it, you know where the door is which is very hurtful. I've put my heart and soul into this relationship and don't think we have a future. I just don't know how to walk away. Please help!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): i am sorry for you. i actually have almost the same problem like yours.
the thing is, if he care for you, he wouldn't say those horrible things. or ignore your feelings.
my ex does the same. i ended the relationship. i have sacrifice a lot for him. i gave him my heart, my body and my everything to him. in return, he neglected me.
i thought that he would come to me and ask me to change my mind about the breakup, but he never did. which conclude that he simply not interested in me.
i am guessing my sacrifices mean nothing to him just as your to him. but prepare your heart to get broken. i was not and i am scattered. just protect your heart.
and about the children, they will never give you a break until your man stand by you. u n ur boyfriend r the adult taking care of these children. he should show u some respect as well in order to get the children to respect you.
it is a basic thing. children are difficult. yet, it is no excuse for ur boyfriend to join them and make u feel miserable. it is just not right for him to do that.
as for gaining weight, i think it is an effect you have due to this problem. it is a sign that you r so not happy. think about it..
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (3 July 2010):
To answer your question you need to be a bit more specific. What exactly do his kids do that unsettles you? Can you give examples? (and your reactions to them) Also, realize that teenagers are going to accept you in their own time. This can take a while. It also depends on your attitude towards them. Remember, they had their father's undivided attention before you moved in. They might not be ready to give that up. Also, they might see you as a temporary 'intruder'. This can make quite some difference because if they're not convinced you'll stick around, it won't matter what you think of how their dad raises them. They'll never listen. The weight gain can be an issue, I won't deny that. People in general like consistency. Lots of weight can or loss upsets people. And if you feel unhappy with your body on top of that, it might be a good idea to do something about it. If you feel good, you're happier and more attractive to others. All that said, if his only rebuttal to you is "if you don't like it, there is the door", seems like he doesn't even care. But again, take a good look in the mirror before you walk away for real:- do you have a habit of rehashing old arguments?- do you say what you think? While this can be good, bad timing and lack of tact can make this into a nuisance. - do you express more negativity than positivity? All these things can ruin a relationship. And a lot of people are guilty of the above things without conciously realizing it. If you're convinced that you gave it your all and that it cannot be saved, take him up to his words next time.
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (3 July 2010):
your right his kids will always come first and your wonderful for admitting that cause it is very true! but that also does not give him the right to ignore you and what you have to say about his children he should respect you as well as his children should.. and if he cant see that your a good women putting up with him and his kids then let him go find someone who will put up with there crap! my boyfriend is not the father of my daughter but since i have him in my life i expect for my daughter to respect him as well as he should respect her. move on let him realize that he is selfish
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