A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im a 27 year old man who´s never been in a relationship and my sexual experience is modest to say the least. This situation it´s beginning to take it´s toll and i find myself sexually frustrated and a little ashamed.I no longer know what to expect and how to act since i lack the relationships experience that most people would have at my age. For the moment im not interested in anything like marriage or a long term relationship, but the lack of any sort of sexual life is difficult and i think i need to start gradually in the sex and dating game before i embark in the quest for anything long term. At my age i fear that women will think i want to settle down and i don´t know a way to keep things light and casual without coming across as a man-child or some cheesy player wannabe. The problem is that i have the responsabilities and the mindset of an adult man in most areas of my life but sexually i feel like a 17 year old
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): thanks for the responses, very reasonable, and yes, probably i was overreacting, now i'll try to chill a little bit
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): First of all, I don't think you should see yourself as so desperately abnormal. I know it can seem that, in today's world, everybody is having relationships all of the time from the age of about 14! We're surrounded by newspapers and magazines that saturate us with that idea. However, there are also very many people who don't start having sex regularly until their 20s and 30s. In fact, there are regular questions about this on this site from people in situations exactly like yours. So you absolutely should not feel ashamed or unusual.
The second thing to say is that even guys who have been in relationships are sometimes not that great at sex. There's no necessary correlation between the amount of weeks you have spent in partnerships with others and your prowess between the sheets. In fact, there are also regular questions on this site from men and women who unfortunately find themselves sexually frustrated in very longterm relationships. (Sometimes people start to take each other for granted, and forget about the other person's pleasure after the initial romance fades). So I don't think that you should feel like inexperience is any kind of insurmountable problem! Just focus on making the girl feel every bit as good as you do, and you're bound to wow her!
But to get to the point of your question, I don't think there's anything at all wrong with you wanting to start out gradually - in fact, everything you say about taking it slowly and having some fun sounds very wise, and the opposite of cheesy or manchild-like. You're just giving yourself some time to explore the dating world, and hopefully when you do come to think about settling down in a few years, you'll do so having more confidence and a much better idea of what you want from a life partner as a result.
The good news is that I think you may underestimate the number of women of your age who also don't want to settle down. Nowadays, many woman are having kids and getting married down in their 30s or even 40s, and are happy to spend their 20s having a bit of casual fun and finding out who they are, just as you are seeking to do. People are much more aware nowadays that there is such a thing as settling down too early (and 'too early' is more of a psychological/experiential concept than an age-related one). I am sure that, when the time comes, you'll make a great longterm boyfriend. In the meantime, why not enjoy yourself and learn a little about what you like and dislike?
Provided you're open and honest about your level of commitment with the girls you meet, I can't see any problem at all. You might find that internet dating is helpful, as some of the sites allow you to be explicit about the fact that you're not looking for a life partner, but some fun dates with a like-minded girl. You might be pleasantly surprised at how much interest someone fun and free like you gets! I wish you joy of your experiences!
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (28 June 2010):
Hey, you're not alone. I guess in the world of today, you're pretty much expected to be a hormonal cruise missile ever since puberty starts. While a lot of men are like that, I'm happy that isn't true for all.
What you should do is just get past your age and your experience. Stop caring about it. You probably have a lot of experience in other fields. Also, age and time were invented by humans. Which means they don't really matter. Age never completely coincides with the development of a person, anyway.
Just be confident. Turn it into a good thing. Your future gf will know you're not into her just to get into her pants. You come across as much more reliable than the guys who used their dicks as a compass.
So relax. Don't pressure yourself. Put yourself out there and meet girls. If it leads to something, cool. if it doesn't, well, her loss. Keep it fun, don't put up high expectations for yourself. You should be fine.
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