A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, he is 30 and still lives at home with his mum he doesn't pay rent, clean up after himself and to be quite honest I'm sick and tired of it. I love him, but I feel like love is not enough anymore. All my friends are with people that work (oh yeah he doesn't work) and are movig in together, getting married, having babies and I feel like I am never going to have that life. It's just one silly project after another with this man and they never amount to anything. All my friends say I should leave but I need to hear what people that have never met me before think. I mean, he takes me out now and again to eat, we dont go to the cinema as he complains about the seating, he wont go to theme parks with me as he says he is too old, he wont even come for a walk with me. Maybe there is someone that is a better fit out there for me or maybe I'm being unresonable? What do you think? thankyou
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Six years is long enough for him to have gotten his act together. Definitely leave!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 If he doesn't match with what you need, you should do yourself and him a favour and leave. What he does doesn't have to be bad or horrible or anything. He could be spending meaningful time to science for all I know. But the point is: it doesn't amount to anything, at least not within the foreseeable future. And it is not what you need. You need a man who takes responsibility, who is independent, who has goals and dreams that match yours! His does not. He can be a great man, don't get me wrong. But he is not for you perhaps? What he does doesn't have to be wrong for you to know that it is not for you. He could be perfect for someone else. And someone else who can be perfect for you is waiting out there.
What is important in a relationship is that the couple have similar values. The interests may vary, and that is fine, but the values should be similar. Values such as independence, marriage and responsibility for example. Things he does not value. But by the sounds of it, you place these things high up the list (as do most people actually, except from your boyfriend).
Other differences in a relationship can always be worked out. But not the core values.
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A
female
reader, Kakapo017  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 It sounds like he has issues with getting his way all the time. You should sit down with him and tell him how you really feel about his behavior, tell him his behavior is unacepatable for his age. Also consider his parents, if they allow him to do it, he probably isn't going to change even if he does in fact love you. Now if you really love him and he really loves you after telling him this and he does indeed try to change, at least give him a second chance. If he doesn't even attempt to change, leave him, but be sure to tell him why. He may get some sense and realize why you left him in the first place.
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (13 July 2010):
The only question that matters is whether he makes you happy, if so stay, if not leave. Everything else can be worked on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 July 2010):
I think you're totally wasting your time as well. A man needs a dream, as does everyone. But you can't continue to ignore reality in favour of that dream. This man is going nowhere fast, and as you say, your friends are going somewhere. He complains about the cinema seats it's got that bad. I think it's time to find someone who has a dream, but is also realistic and has something to do with his life.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 July 2010):
 You're not being unreasonable. This guy sounds like a bum. If he was having a rough time of it and had to move home for a few months at 30, OK. If he's still living there as you say, not OK. He has no job, lives with his parents, doesn't want to go anywhere and just bums around complaining it sounds like. I see from your age range you're still quite young. Don't waste anymore time on someone who has no ambitions whatsoever. You so deserve better.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 July 2010):
This doesn´t sound like a description of someone I´d like to spend the rest of my with. From the sound of it, it´s not what you want either. You answered your own question.
He´s 30, but in reality it seems like he is frozen in time, as an irresponsible teenager while everyone else around him grew up. Another day spent in the relationship is another one wasted, from what I´m seeing here.
I would break up and move on because if you don´t you´ll be miserable and asking us the same question years from now. I guess the only reason you´re asking here is because you stuck by him for so many years and breaking up now would make all of that time wasted. But let me tell you, if you go on like this, it will be MORE time wasted.
Guys like him don´t change. If they do, it´s really really slowly. And even then, don´t count on it.
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