A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm a 23 year old guy in a situation causing me lots of stress. I really hope you can help me.I'm in an online relationship with an amazing girlfriend. We love each other so much. We've had our ups and downs but we're still together, and our love is stronger than ever. The thing is, we aint met yet. We fell in love unknowingly..Before i got a chance to tell her i'm cross-eyed and now im in so much paid. I have tried to tell but fear of her never talking to me again has stopped me. I deeply love her and if i could my condition, i would. Is't such a big deal? Im clueless, i dont know if anyone can love me like this. I've considered talking to opticians and wearing glasses that 'hide' it in a way. Is that possible? Please help. Should i tell my gf? If yes, how do i say it so she can understand?Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): I think, that if she is in love with you as much as you say, she will accept you for who you are; not disown you for what you look like. =]
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 July 2010):
 No one is physically perfect. You should get a medical opinion on surgery to correct it as opthamology has come on in leaps and bounds in recent years with regards to squints. You should tell the girl before you meet her in person. If she thinks anything of you then she won't mind. If she does object, the relationship wasn't going to work anyway. Either way, go to your doctor and get some advice - it is not just about the cosmetic side, as you age there maybe visual implications of not having it sorted out.
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 I'm not sure if it's possible to improve your condition, but I think that's secondary. If there is any chance of meeting this girl and having a relationship with her, then you have to tell her. Otherwise, she's not in love with the real you... only parts of you that you wish to show her. Let me ask you this: How would you feel if she had a similar personal trait that she was scared to tell you, how would that make you feel? I'm guessing by the way you sound that you'd most likely still care about her. Yes, it may be a bit of a surprise, but in the end you'd remember the rest of your conversations, etc and still care about her. This is the ultimate test on how much you trust somebody. Do you trust her enough to tell her? I'd suggest being completely honest. Just as honest as you are with us... being ashamed (which you shouldn't feel ashamed).
If it's something you want to change for your own reasons, fine... look into it if you wish. But don't look to change yourself just because you are worried about what somebody else thinks. Everybody has secrets they keep when they are just meeting somebody, but what happens is things get so serious that need need to just bite the bullet and tell them.
Don't be ashamed. Tell her. Otherwise you will ALWAYS have this hanging over your head and it may end up destroying your relationship - not from her running away, but from you pushing her away.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 July 2010):
It depends on yourself and how much you care about your condition. You could get surgery to have them aligned correctly again. There are about 1.2 million of these surgeries every year, so if it really bothers you, look into it.
Compared to other surgeries, strabismus surgery is actually quite simple in concept. The surgery is performed on the extraocular muscles (the muscles that surround the eye) and performed through a tiny incision on the clear membrane which covers the white part of the eye. The muscles are tightened or weakened by shortening or repositioning the muscles. Then the clear membrane is stitched up and its all done. The eye ball never leaves the socket and the incision is far enough back that you’ll never see it.
If you can't have surgery for whatever reason I would tell her. I mean, she has a right to know. Have you two never exchanged pictures? This would be a good time to do it. Mention it briefly when you send her the picture and see how she reacts. Telling someone you're cross-eyed and seeing it on a picture are two very different things. The mind exaggerates sometimes, so sending a picture in which you smile brightly and she gets to see you that way gives a much better impression than just the mention.
Don't make a big deal out of it. Love is love. I had a blind friend once while I lived abroad. She was also crosseyed because she was born blind and never got to use her eyes. But because she's such a nice person with such a genuine smile, noone really cared about her condition.
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