A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend is really depressed after her boyfriend broke up with her. It was her first relationship and she is in her 20's. He left her a few days before New Years. They had been going out for a little over 2 years. She wont get over him, she mopes all day and complains about having to live her life. She is really starting to piss me off. I would like to know what is an appropriate amount a time I should allower her to continue this "pitty party" until I can tell her to get over it and move on with her life? He is not worth it!I want to giver her 2 months, 1 for each year they were together. Is that too short? I need advice!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 February 2011):
Some of you are rather quick to judge the OP. I'm not sure she deserves that.
Her friend's endless moping and moaning about how horrible her life is now and not letting anyone or anything cheer her up is can be really taxing to those who have to deal with her on a day to day basis. After a while you just want to shake people and tell them to get their act back together.
Grieving for lost love is fine. It's a natural reaction. But if suddenly the whole person disappears behind a "woe is me" wall for months at a time I'd get fed up with it too. And I have a feeling this is what the OP is faced with.
Sometimes it's not good to let someone drown in their own misery. Sometimes you need to be the one to say, "come on, let's do something fun. Let's make this day different."
She needs to divert her attention so she isn't alone with her thoughts for him all the time. Don't criticise her (it will backfire) but encourage her to do things so she can start moving on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I sincerely hope when the same thing happens to you (and it will), you have a better friend than yourself to lean on.
I don't think you can stipulate time with this sort of thing. If you want to be a good friend to her, encourage her to get on with life. Encourage her to get out and do things. Invite her places. Introduce her to new people.
If listening to her mope is too much, tell her so in a considerate way, but still be there for her if she wants to get out and do things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): Are you really that much of a bitch that when your friend is going through hell all you can think about is how much she is pissing YOU off? How inconvenient and annoying this is to you?
Wow you are some friend aren't you? Hopefully when you find yourself heartbroken and in need of comfort you'll have friends that will be more understanding of your pain, friends that will listen to the endless moping, the same things said over and over again, the crying, the depression all of that "annoying" crap for as long as it takes for you to get over it.
Stop being so selfish and let her grieve. There is no time frame for getting over a break up but 1 month is definitely not long at all. Something tells me you've never had a break up from a long term relationship or you wouldn't be asking this question.
Either be a good friend to her and suck it up, let her do her moping and grieving or piss off, she needs a good friend right now, not one that's gonna sit there sulking because her pain is an inconvenience to you.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (7 February 2011):
 The first thing you need to do is stop being so critical of her. She's has every right to feel depressed and sad, as if a break up isn't emotional enough she had to go through it during the holidays. It was her first relationship and it lasted for 2 -years-. Obviously it meant a lot to her, and as you can imagine she probably shared a lot of firsts with him that won't have the same significance with someone else. That's a hard thing for anyone to let go.
It's going to take several months for her to completely get over the breakup. Give her time, avoid bringing it up at all, and try to be as supportive as possible. The last thing she needs is someone telling her to just get over it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): If it was only over at New Year and had been a two year relationship, give her a bit of time. A couple of months of feeling all those emotions is natural. Rejection is very hard to deal with. If she was a shallow sort of person she might have set it aside. I know it is tiresome for you but she will get bored with mulling everything over and get back to normal. If it goes on too long, many months then I would worry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): A minimum of 2 to 3 times the length of contact, not the length of the relationship, but length of contact. This is not an exact. It can be shorter or longer. Some people never get over their ex and either remain single, resolve to a relationship where his or her hearts not fully committed or live out his or her life rebounding from one relationship to another, with or without the intent to destroy the other's heart. The hypothesis proved false in my case. I'm 34 months over due in addition to the 9 months estimate.
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A
female
reader, queensbean  +, writes (7 February 2011):
Every one is different. It can take up to 2 yrs to be absolutely over a relationship. After 2 months she should be showing some signs of getting better. If she is still acting the same way as she was when they first broke up. It sounds like there is more of a underlying issue then just the break up itself. she could be suffering depression of some kind or also have a personality disorder. As a friend I believe approaching and supporting from this direction would be more helpful. Rather than getting fed up, suggest that maybe she a doctor or a counselor.
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A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 It's a bit of a bind you're in there. I know first hand how frustrating it can be when all friends ever do is complain, mope and bring you down because of how depressed they are. At the same time, you still feel inclined to be there for them and to be a good friend.
Give her a little bit more time, two months sounds okay. At the end of this month, if she's still moping around like she is now, just sit her down and tell her that it's been two months and that she has to start moving on in her life, and that being depressed and sad won't help her.
Be a friend to her and help her through this time, but that doesn't mean you have to let her bring you down with her if that's what she's doing.
She just needs time to think and move on.
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