A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I came across this blog and read a couple of them.I am a boyfriend of a escort, I have been her boyfriend for 6 years, she has been a escort for almost 3 years. I am fine with it, She did it for the bills of course.Now We just came into a situation and I do not know what to think of it. I am not jealous of her with the other men. That is fine, sometimes I thought of it kinda kinky. I guess a little problem I have. We satrted out as swingers, Then with the bills said why not try it. At first she sayed she did not like it. And always said if she started enjoying it that she would quite, I am sure she sayed this to stay true to me?, But recently I haved discovered a sexual side of her(that she was doing with her clients) not with me. she was hiding this from me. i found one certain client that she has been seeing over a year now if not 2 years. She does have a few regulars so no big deal there. But she was doing things with him and not charging the extras for it. Meaning staying longer than a hour, doing greek and not charging extra. and having rough sex. Now when I caught her she explained that she does enjoy the way he f**** her and she wanted to try and experment with other sexual needs. And she did not feel like disclosing this to me. she is in nature a follower and submissive, She did say that she does not have feelings for him. it is just a client that likes to see. I feel so betrayed right now, because we always said we would confid with each other everything, I know that she does not tell me everything from her sessions to protect me I guess, But now I am Just not sure about us..Please help with some amswers. we do love each other, but she doescan not quite till after a few months..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): You know, I was afraid to write that and have him take the backlash... He's not a bad person, and I'm not trying to pass any of my personal responsibility for my actions or choices off on him.... I have a lot to make up to him, hurts he's had in life that I want to erase for him and help him heal from. Maybe I'm the wrong one, by staying? Maybe I think I am helping him and loving him but I am not. Seriously, there must be something wrong or depraved about me since I went along with all this... but at the same time, it's all part of the story and if you are going to seek a third party opinion, the replies don't mean much if you don't give the exposition.... so now we have the conflict, all that's missing is the resolution. Do I resent him, do I feel hurt, sure... could he say the same things about me? Sure. Really this isn't a matter of fault, it is what it is and it will never be anything different, now.... So if you are going to disect it too late, or invite judgement, seek advice to what ends? To find a new blindfold? to find an excuse, or someone to back you up? Believe me I understand the need to be heard... and exposing yourself can be a great mirror. It's not all his fault.{Moderator note: this will be the last word on the subject. The thread has run its course and is now closed to new replies}
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Your GF is being pimped by you OP. That's disgusting and you are a very sorry excuse for a human.
I hope you read what she wrote and take it to heart. Oh wait, I forgot, you don't have a heart. If you did, you wouldn't have ever put her in this situation to begin with.
OP's girlfriend, if you read this, please get out of this relationship. This is not love, it's abuse. You will never recover from these pains if you don't remove yourself from the thing causing them. Please get help. It's there for you. PAVE would be a great place to start.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Poor girl, what a warped relationship she is in. She doesn't even see it. YOU need to put aside your wants and focus on her needs. She's being damaged engaging in prostitution just so you guys can buy things. It's sick. I really hope you can do whats best for her - you be the man and earn a good living for her!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): You reap what you sow.You both chose for her to prostitute herself for money. Didn't you think there might be consequences?This is why any man of worth would ask an Escort to leave her profession if he planned on a relationship with her.Because sex in a relationship should be confined to the the two people involved... possibly a third if a once-and-once-only threesome to add some spice to a progressively dull sex life. Else things become complicated.Above all else, both parties in the relationship need to be on board and need to be part of any sexual shenanigans. Anything without them is cheating.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 January 2011):
The problem with involving prostitution into a marriage as a means to make money is that the line gets blurred very quickly. You say you're okay with your wife having sex with total strangers and a couple of regulars. This is what most of us would define as cheating. You only consider it cheating now your wife is not charging a guy for the 'extra service' because she enjoys it. To me, it sounds like something coming from a pimp. She should f*ck for money, not make love. Well, only to you, that is.
Well, in that line of work it's impossible to keep that separate. There are many charming men in the world, among them those that like to use the service your wife provides. Since she's got card Blanche when it comes to sex, it should come to no surprise that she's found a way to enjoy herself more than she 'should'. She can have sex with you when she wants, but now she's found this guy who really rocks her world in that field, she doesn't pick you to experiment with. In her line of work, you can't really expect protocols and rules to hold up, not when it comes to personal things.
But really, of all the jobs you could pick from, why let her become an escort? Please elaborate why you were completely at peace with that profession choice, as I cannot think of any good reason why a partner should do this. It's a recipe for disaster. If you have self respect, that is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): You know, I was going to leave this for you to have, alone, since I'm the one who hurt you. But, if we are going to make it through it, you need to hear me, and you need to stop looking to get a different answer, one you might like better. Before we ever started the escort thing, there was swinging, and there was you sharing me at your comand, with your brothers. And when we were just swingers, you crossed the line, you broke the rules you dictated right in front of me. I'm not trying to put all the blame on you, because it's not like I didn't go along with it. But I think I went along with it to please you, because I was scared of losing you to your desires so I wanted to comply with them. I love you, no doubt about it and I do to this day. But when we started the escort thing, how many times did I cry and scream and beg you to stop? What did you do every time? sell stuff, break stuff, make me feel like I'm letting you down. When have I ever pushed for anything? When I explain how much i hate you saying, oh we need to do this to the house, or we need this boat, this hottub, skylights.... when i explain that I look at the price of those things as how many appointments I need to take, how sometimes it feels like being raped only instead of a knife at my throat its the money and the feeling you won't want me anymore if I'm not doing this........ and still you don't hear me. Again, I feel like I should have been stronger, say there's no way we are buying this, no way I am doing this,.... I don't know why you think I am strong, I have never been strong. I don't blame you we both got ourselves in this situation. But, sometimes I wish you would hear, or had heard what I am saying, put my needs in front of your wants. I took the easy way out, by going along with this, because I didn't want to pay the price of loosing you, and I still don't want to lose you... but I lost a lot of myself. I was just trying to take the feeling that I was yours to give, away. when we went from me offering on bj to offering fs, what did I ask you? To let me be the one who could say yes to who it was offered to, although we could both say no. What did you do? Offer it to people you picked without consulting me anyway. I couldn't even have that choice. So, is it that you are fine with sharing me only if it is your choice? And why bother to check if it's ok with me right? I guess i always interperted from your actions that it was the emotional aspects of our relationship you hold sacred, because you sure were willing to part with the physical easy enough. So why did I do what I did? To not feel like the victim. To feel like I am in control of my body just once. I did lie by ommission by not telling you, but I left the emails there in the account you can access. Exploring the whole D/s thing was for a lot of reasons- obviously based on my scars you know i've inflicted pain on myself before... so yeah I liked receiving physical pain from the escort thing, as a way of absolution-taking the mental pain and making it real, so it can be released. Why not with you? Because it's a sexual kink that I could act out away from my real life. because i have the memories of being physically hurt by you in the past, and don't want to feel hurt by you anymore. I crossed the 'sacred' greek line because I felt like I cried my heart out enough times without you hearing, so... part revenge, part empowerement of saying my body is my own to chose to do what I want with. I need to feel that again, not sold, or shared, or hating sex... but in control. How am I ever going to be healthy sexually if I can't rediscover that. I love you more actually by going through all this, but I feel like there is such a physical wall between us... our love won't carry us a lifetime without being able to enjoy each other physically. But that wall of guilt, shame, resentment, a little fear, sadness that sharing me comes so easy to you.... That wall was to big for me to start to tackle with you, I needed to own myself again, not be given away. I know I was being purely selfish, I never mean to hurt you so badly and although I knew the lack of communication would bother you, to be perfectly honest I didn't think you were even capable of jealoousy over me anymore. I didn't realize crossing a physical line would have such an emotional impact on us. So who knows maybe I was forcing your hand to see if you even love me anymore or even cared about what we are doing. I made a mistake and I am so so sorry. I wish I could help you through this, or make it easier for you but I am very tired, from feeling this way for three years. I don't know that I have much left, anymore. Still, I can imagine what you are feeling is that three years hitting you all at once and I hate to see you in so much pain... Could you maybe say that to me? You can collect other people's opinions, and obviously you will need to decide if you can forgive me and move on. But like I said, don't forget to listen to what I am saying, even if it isn't easy to hear, even if it's not the answer you want. So the question is, can you get past what I did? Can I get past the way I feel about the whole escort thing and its effects on me, as a person? Can we get past this together?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): She will not explore these desires she has with me, She beleives from my past sexual experiences with her that I will not be able to switch the BDSM off. which might be true not sure. But I was not offered to explore this with her nor will I ever be offered this side off her, This hurts alot as well. The thing with the client bothers me because I beleive she cheated since she did not charge for the ectra time and services which I thought was always sacrad to us, (anal aka greek) So I am hurt a few different ways since she confided in a client which is always a no no in her bizz. But she feels like she didi not cheat on me...?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I also just came to this conclusion, Yeah with the escort thing I considered her not cheating. But with the extras she did and not charging for it seems to me like she cheated to explore her sexual desires of BDSM(rough sex)and did this with one of her clients, It only been a day since I found out and It hurts very much, I thought we were souls mates, I have such sincere doubts now. I am sure we can get pass this and I only felt like this a few times in my life and I was never the same person from it. She is very sorry for it. but I have my doubts with this as well.I am just confused..I love her and want her in my live so much, But....Please help..CD
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 January 2011):
Would you be willing to explore the things she wants with her? Why was she scared to ask you to do these things? Because you would assume she learned them from a client?
If she stops seeing him, will that fix the problem for you? Or is it that your real feelings about her having sex with different people are coming out through this one situation?
Really, you have two choices. Stick it out as planned and trust her, or walk. It's pretty simple, albeit not as simple in the emotional department. What do YOU want?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): First Thank you guys for responding, I will clarify some things. I caught her by email exchanges, I was always allowed to view them for her safety and everything else that goes with her career, I just added things up and confronted them to her, I will give you her response. She told me that she wanted to take some control back as to herself and her body and wanted to explore these desires and that she did not tell me because, (I guess) of the detailed nature of it. Maybe she thought I would take it too far or laugh at her about it, Not sure. I hope that makes sense It does and does not to me. We are a very happy couple. This does hurt, She realized that she hurt me and told me she will not see him anymore and not do extras anymore, I do trust her with this and she seems 100% sincere. As well as I can call her after an hour into service as she does lose track of time with her appointments and is a little shy about being strict with clients leaving, we have/had a game plan of her getting out this summer. To stop now after we set our/her goals would be foolish for us anyways. She 100% said she did not have feelings for this client and I trust her 80% about this. The other 20% is saying she did. I hope you guys can have more input on this as I realy do need it. Thanks CD
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (27 January 2011):
 If your wife isn't charging this man for "extras" you should be very concerned. It sounds like she has developed some feelings for him. Honestly, you are partially to blame for this mess because you allowed your wife to become an escort.
I understand some men find it arousing to see their wife with another man... but that's no reason to suggest she become an escort...bills or no bills! Face it... your wife has found a man that she enjoys having sex with (over you), and it sounds like she is developing emotional feelings for him. In fact, in so many words, she has already confessed this to you.
I'm not sure what you were trying to say in the last sentence of your question. Maybe you can clarify that for us.
This marriage won't survive if she continues this line of profession. Have you asked her to stop? If so, how did she respond? If you haven't asked her to quit being an escort yet, do you plan on doing so, and when?
I look forward to your reply. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 January 2011):
I think you're learning first hand why the saying "you can't turn a ho into a housewife" exists.
I'm confused about something. How did you "catch" her doing this stuff? That doesn't add up to me.
Anyway, my best advice is to be honest with her about what you're feeling. Perhaps it's time for her to look for a different line of work.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 January 2011):
Take a header into the deep end when the pool is empty and you go splat. That's the law of gravity. Even Jesus Christ himself had to obey the law of gravity. For a while anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): There is no way you can be "fine" with her being an escort. No matter how open minded you believe you are, she is going at some point cross some boundary you consider sacred with a client. In this case you feel cheated because she liked what they guy was doing and she encouraged him (by not charging him) to do it more. Perhaps if he was in fact showing her a new tricks, she has financial incentive to stick around and learn them.-I wouldn't call it cheating because you signed up for the open relationship. -I wouldn't even call it emotional cheating because she doesn't like his personality, just what he does in bed.These events just happened to trigger something for you emotionally. Perhaps you want to believe you're the only one who she "enjoys" having sex with. If you want to leave her over it, you probably should. But if the reason you're upset is because she discovered she actually enjoys her job, then you don't really have anyone to blame but yourself.
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A
female
reader, auntieloulou  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Seems like you have now started to not like her career choice anymore. I think that when you begin to feel like this, she has to stop. she should stop if she cares for you at all, because its obviously having a negative impact on you. you have every right to feel betrayed by her, if the guy was not paying for the extra hours, then she was not working, she was choosing to have sex with this guy. how would she feel if you went and had sex with someone else? its the same thing. i think you need to sit down with her and talk it out. she is obviously enjoying sex with the guy as she is choosing to stay longer with him. its not fair on you, and i think she is being very selfish. you need to speak up and get your points across before she begins to push you over even more. good luck!
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