A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice... well I moved in with my parents when my husband and I separated. My dad quit or got fired from his job, we really don't know the truth. I thought it would be a good idea that I pay them instead of staying on my own. Well I've been here over a year now and I'm ready to buy my house. I tried to leave before, but my parents still needed me. Now my dad doesn't even get compensation. So its just me and my mom's income. So I started looking for homes. They want to move in with me. I'm really ready for my own space. I have a daughter and she has so many different influences. I want her raised differently, but she follows what this person says, and that person says. My issue is am I selfish if I don't want them to move with me. Plus, my brother would move in with me if they do too. The other issue is my husband and I were thinking about reconciling. What should I do? I so lost and its making me depress. My mother can't afford her mortgage by herself and my brother doesn't get paid much, my dad is trying to get disability. Help me. I'm about to be thirty and want to live my life too. I thought kids take care of their parents at seventy not early fifty. Help.
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (30 January 2011):
 Maybe they should move. If they can't afford their house and they're infringing upon their children's right to have a life, they should stop being selfish about it and move to a smaller house. This really isn't fair of them. Is it possible for you to talk to them about moving and help them find a new place to live?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy mom has no plans on moving.she still wants to keep the house. Sometimes I feel like my family curse. My friends parents bought them houses and cars. My dad cant wk. I pay my portion of the house note. But they are behind I dt know how many months. I just want things to get better.it has bn issues since they got the house.everyone has gave up something.
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A
male
reader, jameswantsafriend +, writes (29 January 2011):
Well with ur situation I would say help ur parents in some way but do not let them be a part of u personal life. Just u and ur daughter shift to the new house and give as much time as you can to ur daughter. I had a relationship for 10, years i sacrificed my my whole life for the one i loved but now i know it was of no use and i am 32 now, at least u have a reason and the reason is ur daughter to live not like me all alone try to join urself to a church that will give u gods guidance to get things on track. i am sure things will get back to normal. god bless
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Yes move on, but do not under any circumstances take any of your family baggage with you or you'll never have the appropriate chance to move forward with your life. Be strong. Be brutally honest if necessary. But allowing your parents and your brother to move with you will bring you endless years of grief.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): They're of working age and need to be out on their own. You're young, and need to be free of them. Your brother needs to become self sufficient. Sounds like a whole lot of dysfunction and enabling to me.
My advice, do NOT let them move in. It's going to get ugly, you'll grow resentful and then suffer greatly till you loose it and force them out.
do NOT do this... they're not elderly, just wishing they were so you could take care of them!
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A
female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 This is a tough situation however at the end of the day
it is not your responsibility to take on board your parents financial issues. Your parents have a responsibilty to you to ensure you have a filfulling life, not to burden or make you feel guilty for wanting your own life. You are 1 person, they are 2, they need to see a finacier to help them.
I can understand how you want to help but remember you dont owe them anything. I think its fair to want your own life.
I would talk to your parents about how u r feeling....you can still help them in other ways when you move out.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 January 2011):
As for the financial situation; it sounds like your parents were planning to move out anyway. I think it would be best for them to get a smaller place they can afford, save up and spend as little as possible. Also, doesn't your dad qualify some form of low income subsidy?
If there really is no other way, opt for a home that you can 'split'. This is your side, this is my side. That way you can still enjoy a minimum of privacy.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 January 2011):
Hard one. I understand your situation, as I am still at home too because of my parent's struggles. Difference being I'm in my early twenties and you're about to become 30, PLUS you have a child that needs a stable home.
I honestly think you need to be tough and stand up for yourself (and with it, your kid). Sometimes you hear about people devoting their lives to their parents wellbeing and when they die, that person is finally allowed to live their life. Problem is that by then there isn't much of that left.
If your parents move in with you they may never move out and become entirely dependent on you. I understand it's hard for them, but the weight of their problems should not be entirely on your shoulders. It is tempting to think "I'll have them here until things start looking up again" but it could take years to get to that point, if ever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): ok maybe explain to you're mom and dad that you and you're husband may be getting back together but if that's to go smoothly you will need you're space. See if you can find you're dad an easy enough job. As for you're brother he's an adult he can sort himself out. Good luck anyway.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (29 January 2011):
I don't think youre selfish for wanting to have your own life. Your parents have some problems and they need help, but they can't expect you to sacrifice your livelihood for that. They need to move to a smaller house or apartment for only the two or three of them, if your brother is living with them. They need to find their own way, and let you find yours.
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