A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some advice on how to stop over-reacting to little things in my relationship...it's like I imagine the worst possible scenario, which makes me feel sad and insecure, and I want to stop it so that I don't become clingy...I'd love some help to stop this.We've been together 5 months, and when we're together, it's really great. He tells me he loves me, I trust him, and I love him too. We both work shifts, so sometimes we don't see each other for, like, 4-5 days, and that's when I get worried. I know there are a few girls at work that would like to date him, but he's told them he's in a relationship and says to me that he's not interested in them and that he loves me. As far as I know, he's never cheated on previous gfs, and I have no reason not to trust him right now, but it does make me feel uneasy. I was cheated on my by last bf after 5 years together (everything seemed to be going great, he asked me to marry him, then I found out he was cheating), which I guess might be why I feel uneasy, but I want to stop this.Also, sometimes I'll text him after his shift to say I hope work was ok/have a relaxing night or something, and sometimes he doesn't reply at all, although he'll normally text me in the morning. When he doesn't reply, I start getting paranoid that he's ignoring me or doesn't like me as much anymore, like not enough to reply straight away, especially if I can tell he's been on Facebook after getting my text, I'm like Why hasn't he replied? I know he has his own life and stuff, but it does kinda hurt, which is silly, right?He doesn't know any of this, and I know it's my problem, so how can I change please? Thanks:)
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (27 January 2011):
I think the only way to deal with this is to make it clear to yourself: if he wants to cheat, he will cheat, whether you're keeping tabs on him or not. Paranoid/clingy behavior actually increases the risk of cheating. So you might as well relax and trust him, because then you'll live a much happier life and you'll have a more fulfilling relationship.
If you hit your brain with this logic often enough, hopefully it will stat to seep in after a while.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): honestly.. its not a problem some1 has broken your trust b4 and now its hard for you to trust again.. completly normal. Now you do have to learn to cope with it.. you cant assume everyone will do what some1 else done.. sometimes a cheater will not make the same mistake. I will say though if you get weird feelings when you get no response from him & stuff though that there prob IS a reason your feeling weird.. I mean.. sometimes its safe to trust your gut. So in general you just have to decide to trust him and try to not compare it to your past. I would reccomend talking to him though about your concerns. Ask y he does't txt back then is on facebook. Dont portray it in a needy way just simply let him know that you wish he could work on that for u bc you love him & would like to hear from him more often at nite that ud like to know how his night went ect.. I dont know if this helps =/ goodluck!!
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