A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok,this is really confusing me-I have this new boyfriend-we've been seeing each other for a couple of months and he is saying that he loves me and he wants to have a serious relationship and he sounds really genuine and when he says what he likes about me it sounds like he is telling the truth,cos he actually describes personality traits that I have,rather than just saying something vague like he thinks I'm pretty or whatever.I'm really inclined to beleive him and trust him but there is one thing that scares me because I don't want another broken heart.Ok:the first night we met we slept together(yes that's bad I know) and the next morning he got up before me and I heard him on the phone saying "the girl I met last night is a whore,trust me" Now I'm wondering if he could've been sort of joking and just meant that we slept together and was showing off about it,I heard him telling the friend my age and where I was from and everything but he didn't say anything else about us having sex-do you think he was just showing off and he likes me for real-or do you think he really does think I'm a whore and he is just a really really good liar?
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male
reader, sam44  +, writes (27 January 2011):
Don't judge him with that... understand it was the first night.
I have seen friends call their fiances whores this and that...then later on marry the same girl... you understand? but lets get one thing straight... you should confront him about it and make him apologize, he might also have been judging from the first impression then later on realized you are actually a good girl. Guys we like being macho to our friends... acting like a girl aint nothing even if we are really in love, you know what i mean. But still ask him, tell him you overheard him, and you want an explanation because its still bugging you. Don't let him go away him it.
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 I don't know how many people beleive in labels. Surely if this guy and you are deveoping a good relationship then you should overlook it. Sometimes people say silly things in the heat of the moment. But you should be alert for further signs of disrespect. If he's not going to respect you then you should consider looking for another partner. I agree that you (as a woman) can lose points by sleeping with someone on the first date. My wife of 20 years slept with me on the first date. Don't give up yet.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): It takes two to tangle up in bed...name calling a woman you sleep with is poor behavior and he should be talked to, frankly and openly and made to face up to what he has said and acknowledge the double standard and either refute it and apologize or say "yeah, that's what I believe", because he may still view you like this, and talk about you like this when you aren't around.
I know guys who would screw anyone, but when time comes to be serious they want someone else...not the girl they are screwing because all those girls are "bad girls" or "trash" in their mind and they want to settle down with "a good girl" (actual quotes from guys I've known).
Worst thing, is they actually believe this about the girls/women.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (27 January 2011):
And one more thing: not trying to rub it in, but let this be a lesson for you in the future. NEVER sleep with someone on the first date. For a one night stand, no strings attached deal it's fine, but for everything else it's disastrous.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 January 2011):
Sorry but if I got wind of a guy I'm romantically interested in calling me a whore because I slept with him, I would introduce him to my right hook. He might be nice to you face to face, but if he talks about you in this way to others, he's probably lying to you.
But really, this is not really about honesty, this is about dignity and respect. NO respectable man calls a woman a whore, unless she really is in the profession and even then it's rude. I don't care if he was showing off or not.
If you're not the violent type, atleast let him know that that kind of talk is unacceptable. If I were you I would let him know I don't want anything to do with men who treat women like they're a piece of meat. And then I'd probably remove myself from his life.
Plenty of fish in the sea. Get a better one if he doesn't supply a satisfactory explanation (I can't think of any that would convince me though....)
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (27 January 2011):
I will tell you this: 99% of the guys who have sex in the first date think that the girl they had sex with, is a whore.
Yes, there is guys who won't have sex in the first date.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 January 2011):
 I'm inclined to believe he was showing off, or making judgements before he got to know you. Usually sex on the first date is pretty bad behavior, and such assumptions aren't outside the realm of possibilities.
I think you should talk to him about what you heard. Tell him what you said here. It's the only way you'll find a real resolution for this.
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A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson +, writes (27 January 2011):
I think you should tell him you know that he said that. There is a chance that he has changed his mind since then but knowing what you know you are right to be afraid that he could just be lieing to you.
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