A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i've been at uni for a year and lived in halls which wasn't a problem. I'm now living in a flat that my parents bought for me to live in while i do my 2nd and 3rd years. I live with my boyfriend who doesn't annoy me at all and another couple (Dan and Kate). i lived with kate in halls last year and we get on ok. My parents said if i live in this flat i have to share with two other people (Dan and Kate) so i asked kate last year and she said yes. this is when we were getting on. Ever since she moved in i hate her! I like dan but nor Kate she just talks about herself all the time, leave hair all over the kitchen table after shes dried it on their with her hairdryer. Me and my boyf bought all the furniture for the flat of which she leave foundation marks on. My boyf tells her to clean it up and she does. Anyway we all have a food budget and share the same food, however by the end of the week we start to run out. so i buy my own milk and write my name on it. What should i say when Kate asks 'can i borrow some of your milk, its just for a cup of tea'im not very good at telling people no. But she never goes out to buy her own milk she relies on other people, she just 'borrows' from me all the time and never returns, yesterday she asked to use some of my wrapping paper which i said yes.So what can i say about the milk situation when she asks, guaranteed she will!! xxx
View related questions:
flatmate, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): You are so wound up about this. Why not talk to her face to face?
She probably has no idea and I seriously doubt she's trying to be malicious as much as it annoys you. Talk to her face to face and tell her the things that irritate you in a calm way.
I have been in your flatmates position. I was doing things that irritated people I was living with. I had no clue it bothered them until one day a housemate blew up at me and acted as if I was trying to do these things to deliberately get under her skin. I listened and I changed the specific things that irritated her... but it really ruined the atmosphere around the house. I was angry she never told me when it had initially bothered her months before hand.
The longer you wait and bottle it up, the worse it will be.
It's not your responsibility to clean up after her or buy her milk, but if you don't like what she's doing and it's causing you this much grief it is your responsibility to say something to her.
And whatever you do, DON'T ask your boyfriend to do it for you. That's just as immature as being silently resentful.
A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (11 February 2011):
No one likes to say no, and no one likes confrontation.. however, this is getting to you, so you have got to sort it whether you like it or not!
Why don't you suggest that you all need to have a re-look at the weekly food budget since you have noticed that everyone is running out of things and that you are having to purchase extras milk etc. She will either then say she can't afford more, or she will offer to contribute more... if she says that she can't afford it, then that is your chance to say, well I can't really afford it, but I am having to purchase extra milk for everyone to use and I am struggling to budget for it too.
Depending how the conversation goes, it may be worth commenting on the makeup on the furniture... make some excuse that your parents bought it you, and they will be visiting soon and you think it may be better if she does her makeup etc in her room as your parents will flip if they think it all looks a mess and hasn't been looked after.
There are plenty of ways to get around stuff hun, but it is about being tactful... Failing that, I would suggest you ask them to leave and discuss it with your parents as to why you got rid of her.. I am sure you will soon find someone else to share with you, but I would seriously set some ground rules in future.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (11 February 2011):
Just tell her: "Kate, don't take this the wrong way, but I would appreciate it if you bought your own milk. I'm on a really tight budget right now and all this borrowing is costing me money. So if you want me to share, we'll also have to share the costs."
If you're afraid of telling her this, think about it like this. If someone calmly explained this to you, would you be offended? I for one, wouldn't.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): Get your boyfriend to tell her if you cannot do it. Ask him to let her know how she is upseting you. If she does not improve, it is your flat, and you can ask her to leave!!
...............................
|
