A
female
age
30-35,
*ifteen
writes:hello. i am 15 years old. and i would just like to hear some opinions on my situation. basically, i don't understand why my mother doesn't see that i'm responsible and mature and i dont know why she doesn't trust me. first of all, i do plenty of chores around the house without anyone asking me to do so. Second,my parents work hard, and in this economy i know money's tight.so i have a part time job where i can earn my own money to buy myself clothing and what ever else i need or want. I maintain good grades in school. I know that my mom and dad will not be able to help with funding my college education so I have found my own way to pay for it. I am going to join the army national guard when i turn 17. The summer after my junior year in highschool i will go to training. I will return home for my senior year and will continue throughout the year to go and train for periods of one week at a time. This will pay for my college education so i can become a successful adult with a good job. Most people my age are worried about what type of shoes to buy and what not. where i live, i have not met one person my age who is planning for the future. My mother and i do not have a close relationship. We occasionally argue about my freedom, and the strict rules she has set for me. I am not open with her about my feelings, because i am not the type of person to open up to people. I've only lived a short time but i've been through alot. When i was thirteen years old i was faced with problems that left me depressed. I got over my depression by myself. I only trust one person in my life, and he is my best friend and my boyfriend. I have been seeing him for 10 months and my mother knows we are friends. She does not know that we are dating. I'm not purposely hiding it from her, but i just do not talk to her about personal things like that. If she were to find out i would not care. If she did find out i know she would have a problem with it because she gets really paranoid whenever i'm going over his house, or any guys house for that matter. i know she's just being a mother and worried about me having sex and what not. She did have "the sex talk" with me. And basically she does not want me to have sex until i am an adult and in a committed relationship, meaning 18 years old and with someone i know i'm going to marry. I told her i understand, and i also told her i am going to have sex when I AM ready, and if that's when i'm younger than 18 i will do so. It's not going to be any time soon because i'm not personally ready yet. My boyfriend knows this and he respects any decision i make. I love him more than anything, and i know that may sound like lust because i am only 15, but i honestly love him and would do anything for him. He feels the same about me and we have a wonderful relationship. I would like my mother to know but i dont know how to tell her, and if i were to tell her i know she would try to stop us from seeing eachother. which would lead to arguments between me and her, because nothing will stop me from seeing my boyfriend. Also, my mother does not trust me with internet use. She continuously tells me that i'm not allowed to visit sexual websites, hate websites, violent websites, or anything of that matter. I have a facebook account and when i told her this she made one too just so she could spy on me and who i was talking to, and what i was doing. She expects me to come to her and tell her everything and open up to her, but with her restrictions its not even worth it. I love my mother of course, because she is my mother. But i do not respect or trust her. Mostly because she does not respect or trust me. Is anyone in a similar situation as me? or has anyone been in a similar situation? Or mothers of teens, do you think my mom's actions are necessary(i dont know if thats the right word to use)? i know she just wants the best for me and she just wants to protect me. But she needs to understand that i am growing up and i'm mature and responsible enough to know what's right and what's wrong. I'm not going to make stupid mistakes, because i know there will be consequences. My mother's actions just seem a bit extreme and i dont know what to do about it. i know i live under her roof and everything, but i just want a little bit more freedom. Also, if i go to a friends house to spend the night or anything, my mother has to call and make sure i'm there. Or if im out and about with my friends, my mother has to call and ask specifically who i'm there with and when i tell her she will specifically ask if there are any boys with me or what their names are and how i know them. I want her to understand that i do hang out with boys, obviously i'm going to. I have friends that are boys and friends that are girls. she doesn't seem to accept that. i apologize for this being so long but thank you for reading this. can you just tell me if my mothers actions are a bit extreme?or am i over reacting? thank you. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): your mothers actions are more than 'a bit' extreme.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Just in case fifteens mom is checking up on her, Your doing a good job. It is so hard to know how much freedom to allow and every kid is different.
Fifteen, you need to open up and trust mom some more. You are not the first fifteen year old to think they have it all planned out, and have the world by the tail. The next 2 to three years will prove it all out. I think that the hardest thing for teenage girls (I have three) is to realize that there parents were once teens too. and they remember exactly how they felt. And, they wish they hadn't done some of the stupid things they did. They are not going to back off because they really care.
When you have fought with your mom to the point that she stops checking on you when you are with your friends, and on your face book account, Then you can be sure that she doesn't care any more. Not because she doesn't love you, but because you have beaten the caring out of her.
Be careful, respect your mom for what she is trying to do. My brother has a degree in this and he still has days when he doesn't know what to do.
FA
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A
female
reader, Fifteen +, writes (3 August 2009):
Fifteen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answers. i probably wont be returning to this site because i bet my mom will look on the computers internet history, and since this website gives advice on sex she will not approve. which i dont know why she would object because this website gives great advice. but thats how she is and i have to accept that. thanks.
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