A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 45yr old female married for 16yrs.Is it abnormal for me to still want sex as my husband seems to be incenced if I approach him.I am getting desparate and thinking of having a fling. No Sex Nellie Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): I have to agree with you. I have been married 13 years and the same thing with my husband. I keep thinking I would not mind having an affair either, because if you aren't getting at home, it is enough to drive you crazy. Sadly, I bought a vibrator to have sex with myself as I do find this helped, but it also is upsetting to think this is what one's sex life is reduced to, having it off with a bit of rubber! I hope you have some luck finding someone to have a bit of fun with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): Here is a question from a woman of the same age as you. Perhaps some of the answers might help you with this problem. Look at the list of other related symptoms that I listed in my answer and see if it fits your husband.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husband-wont-touch-me-what-should-i.html
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (29 July 2009):
 Nellie,
Psychiatrists will not be pegged down as to what is "normal" as to sexual frequency. There is a wide range of need out there. It is certainly not uncommon for a woman of 45 to be interested in a rich sex life. It is also not uncommon for both men and women to have a declining interest in sex as they age. So you are in a sexually imbalanced relationship. You want more than he is willing to give. There is a book "The Sex-Starved Marriage" it has a line in it that changed my life. It said in essence, When I tell you I have a need and it hurts me not to have it filled, then you continue to not fill it, I feel that you don't love me, or even care about me. Anyway you should both look into the book.
I am worried about some of the possible reasons your husband is not interested. There may be a religious reason, that is going to be hard to work around. There may be some depression, that is dangerous. There may be some health reasons, if he can't get or maintain an erection get him to a doctor, there are a lot of serious health problems that could be at the root of that. There may be some infidelity, or porn use. It could be just a matter of boredom. Have you just begged and nagged, or have you seduced him?
If his libido is low, he will take some warming up. How about a nice massage. Get some oil that is not too femme smelling, I like jasmine, and get into his shirt, get your hands on his body. Physical contact is a key to close relationships and exciting the sexual response. Don't be afraid to open your mouth. Tell him you desire him. Don't let him go to work or to bed without a kiss. Don't be too demanding if he is tired.
A fling is not the answer. At best it is a quick fix, and then you will need another and another. Better to repair the relationship you have.
Feel free to write back for more suggestions.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): What a shame you live the other side of the world! I've got a wife just like your husband. No, you're not abnormal, but they are.
No Nookie Norman.
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