A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:Two friends, a man and a woman, both married in their late 40s, the marriages are sexless and in trouble. We became sexually attracted from the lack of any intimacy at home. We talk often and sex is a hot topic between us. She asked me to have sex with her. I was not surprised by her offer. I really want to. I told her I would love to have her. She's no beauty queen, but I do like her personality. We haven't met for sex yet but it looks like we will sooner or later. My question is if a marriage has already failed and you're not yet divorced because of financial and children committments, is this really wrong. We both think our spouses have been very unfair by witholding sex from us. My wife is premenapasal and drinks too much. She's a very angry person. This friend's husband has ED, he is always drunk and unemployed. We both feel well within our rights to become sexual friends because of the neglect at home. Are we within our rights if no one gets hurt or finds out? I know cheating is wrong, but these are bad marriages and bad home situations for both of us, we still want sex. We know each other well and we feel safe sexually together. We don't want sex with people we do not know fearing STDs. Neither one of us has ever cheated and find the lacking sex to be too much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): your wife is menapausal and your soon to be lovers husband has ED. these people did not ask for these 2 "sickness" . it is part of life and if every spouse cheated on their better half then what. i find it ironic: what happens when your soon to be lover goes through menapause?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): I am the person who posted this question. I haven't slept with her. Both of us have lost a lot of sleep over this because we both just want to have sex. We are not looking to leave our familys for each other. Our friendship may be an emotional friendship, we have been friends since grammar school and were neighbors for decades. We both find it totally unfair that we have no sex life because of loser spouses who we will never change. Our spouses are usually so bombed that they would never know. They don't even know we talk. I tried many times to get my wifes drinking under control. The other guy has a penis that doesen't work even with medication because of the booze. I am going to meet this woman this week and if it turns into a sexual fling, so be it. It's not like we haven't tried hard to get our marriages back on track. I made my decision, I'm tired of a sexless life. So what if they find out, what did they expect. My wife is too damn dependent on me, she'll never willingly leave. I told her I was going to have an affair if she didn't start thinking about our marriage. She hasn't so I am doing this with my friend, I trust her, I like her and there are no committments, just a monogomous sexual friendship.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 June 2010):
 To me this is like watching a train wreck from a mile away. You can see the disaster about to happen but there is nothing you can do to stop it.
You are deeply into an emotional affair with this other woman. She has already decided to cheat with you. She is just waiting for you to give her the green light. And you are out here looking for someone to tell you it is OK.
I'm not going to give you permission, but if I was a betting man I'd put it all on some time in the next 2 weeks. Then the storm that will follow will wreck both of your already messy lives.
If you are a very strong person you could break up with her. It will likely be as painful as a divorce. You are that far in.
You have got some good advice so far, and some really solid analysis. If I were you I'd take the advice and tackle those problems one at a time.
FA
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A
male
reader, twinlab99 +, writes (23 June 2010):
 Get divocred. Cheating will ruin so many more relationships that just you and your spoudse. Find a way dude....trust me, it's the harder yet higher road to take.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (23 June 2010):
 "Are we within our rights if no one gets hurt or finds out?"
Please let me know how you plan to pull this off. Someone always finds out. Someone always gets hurt.
My prediction:
You'll be back on DC in a few months whining about how you've fallen madly in love with this woman but she won't leave her husband to be with you.
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A
female
reader, Becca64  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 i have to say i still feel you should tell your wife its over before you sleep with someone else. I understand completely where youre coming from but i personally am a strong believer of finishing one thing before you start another
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A
female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 I lied in bed with my bf for the 4th month without him touching me I said to him "if this keeps going on like this I am going to stray, just being honest" he jumped out of bed fuming but it opened ourselves up for a great conversation...
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A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 To my eyes, I think you need to get a divorce before you go and sleep with this person. If the children obligation is too much to handle in terms of divorce, then I guess if I were in your position, I might cheat as well, but I think you're giving something up if you aren't honest with your wife about things. I understand that marriages fail, but isn't it also part of the deal to remain honest if possible? Best to you
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A
female
reader, itsualexia +, writes (22 June 2010):
In every healthy relationship there has to be sex...enough that your partner feels needed, loved, sexy.
In saying that, I think if you and your wife don't hv sex for more than 60 days..its a 'free card'! She f@*k'd up..
I myself am a looker to say the least...bt learned to have sex even when I didnt feel up to it.
All a man wants is great sex when he gets home..If we as women were smart we'd see that we could hv anything in the world we wanted..talk all night..tickets to shows..shoes..whattever!!
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A
female
reader, Emjo +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Perhaps it would be more beneficial to work on your marriage rather than moving on and perhaps making excuses. Although you may feel emotionally detached now maybe you will feel guilty in the aftermath? Only you know what you want and how you will feel, if you're looking for validation and approval in what you want to do then I'm not sure this site will give you that.
Personally I feel you should each work on what you have, as you mentioned their are children involved and you need to do what is best for them, whether it is you leaving or working things out. Would you really want to subject them to the arguments that are likely to take place should your partners find out?
I would recommend talking with your other halves, try to rekindle the magic and perhaps get help for their drinking problems, after all you married them for a reason, I presume you loved them once and I'm sure somewhere in your mind you still do.
One last piece of advice, as my nan once said, liars want good memory's, and if you choose to go through with it and keep it a secret, cover your tracks well to make sure no one gets hurt.
I hope whatever you decide makes you happy!
Take care.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Yes you are within your rights. You'll only be on this earth for a short span of time and you SHOULD enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Cheating is not defined by a dictionary definition, but by the boundries drawn among those involved in the subjected relationship.
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