A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and i am dating for 8 months but we haven't had sex yet. The reason why we didn't have sex is she wants to lose her virginity ONLY to someone she wants to marry. She is a virgin, I am not. And the fact is that she wanna marry me in the future. She loves me a lot and see me as her future husband.Problem is... I also like her a lot BUT i am not planning to marry her. She is a good girlfriend but not my "wife type." She is just a girlfriend. I would never marry her because I know that her whole family have some major problem and my girlfriend is too uneducated for me.I sometimes wonder if it is wrong to date a person whom you never wants to marry but yeah, I am dating her and still liking her as girlfriend.We do everything besides sex. We cuddle, kiss, make out on the bed, do orals and fingerings. But she is not ready for sex until she makes sure I will be her husband.What should I do? I want to have sex with her but to her, having sex is making a commitment to marry. She would have sex with me if I ask her but I am worried I would break her heart very badly when I break up with her later.Am I being a bad boy for dating her, having sex, and not marrying her? Why can't she just enjoy having sex without bothering herself thinking of losing virginity and marriage? I really don't wanna make her sad. Please help me.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 So,you are asking if it would be wrong getting your gf to have sex with you when you know a) that she would only lose her virginity to the man who will marry her and b) that you have no intention to marry her ever ...
Uhm, let's see .... is it wrong selling a used car with 50.000 miles on letting the buyer believe the mileage is only 10.000?
Is it wrong borrowing money from your best friend when you have no intention whatsoever to pay him back and,in fact, as soon as you get the money you'll move to another country without leaving any forwarding address ?
You may have got a good education, but you flunked Honesty 101...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): If I could turn back time and not have had sex with all the boys I have had sex with I would. Most of them, not all, were guys who like you had sex with me and just walked out of my life and left me without anything. No commitment, and frankly not even very good memories.
Ironically the ones I didn't have sex with (like back in high school) were the absolute sweetest boyfriends I ever had. And in my 20's I had one boyfriend (the love of my life) he was a sweet heart, I loved him too. But all the rest of the guys, just douchebags.
I respect your girlfriends decision to save herself. She is alot smarter than most other women.
And to answer your question, I do not think there is anything wrong with you wanting to have a "for right now" relationship or fling or whatever you want to call it. You aren't looking at long term right now or perhaps you haven't found your little genius woman that you want to settle with. Nothing wrong with that. HOWEVER, you are dating the wrong girl for this. She already told you how she feels and what she wants. Karma is real, don't play with her heart. You are not on the same page. Face it and move on. Be kind and treat people with respect. Let her go.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 This is what we old fashioned people would call having dishonest intentions. In the old days proposing marriage in order to get sex would get you a date with a shotgun.
If you care at all about this girl you will respect her wishes in relation to her body and virginity. Tell her you will not marry her. Yes, she will cry. No, she won't understand your reasons, no more than you understand her refusing you sex.
You are not compatible. You don't feel her education is compatible with you. Her religious/moral commitments are foreign to you. And you state up front that her family will not accept you. Take the hard path and stop seeing her. She will be upset this month, but will eventually respect you for being honest.
If you use an engagement ring to get into her pants she will never forgive you, nor should she.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): If her grandparents had $10,000 set aside to give to her husband someday, would you be right in accepting the money today, since she thinks you will be marrying her?
Well same with her virginity. If she intends to give it to her husband and she only gives it to you because you fooled her into thinking you would be her husband, then you stole something from her.
I'm sorry your moral beliefs don't match hers but that does not give you the right to trick her into living by yours.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): *from the inquirer
Well, I am with her because we both like each other.
Only thing is i am not going to marry her.
Is it wrong?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): *From the inquirer who asked the question*Well, I see some people getting upset with what I wrote in the question. Yeah, I have to admit that it is wrong for me to date someone who is innocent like her.But I am trying my best to make her happy and I love her as well. Only thing is just not marrying her.So, do you think I should not have sex with her? If that's the answer, I won't let her lose virginity on me.Thanks for the advice.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (15 June 2010):
 You know what you need to do...
You're not wrong for not wanting to get married at this point or to her in general, you are still young & you still have time, that's understandable. But you are wrong in the fact that you are leading this young woman on & withholding honesty, which is a major part of any relationship. You should have made your expectations clear in the beginning & you need to do so now even more. If you have no intention/desire of being with her for the long haul (which is clearly what she wants), then don't be. You need to let her go.
If she doesn't want sex, then she doesn't have to have it. And it's a good thing that she isn't giving herself to someone who thinks less of her education & seems to be only concerned with sexual gratification.
If you want to enjoy sex, with no commitment right now, you can do so by BEING HONEST WITH THE PEOPLE YOU CHOOSE TO BE WITH. The dishonesty is unfair towards your girlfriend. You need to be with someone who is on the same page as you, not on a different one. Be more upfront about where you stand.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Geeze, so your girlfriend is there for your physical satisfaction, is what you're trying to say? She's good enough for sex, but you trash her education level? Why are you with her if you have such a low opinion of her?
You don't deserve her virginity, to be quite honest. If you had any honor in you, you'd break up with her now instead of trying to coerce her into having sex with you only to break up with her later as you know you will.
It's her prerogative to wait until the person she has sex with has marriage on the mind. That in my book makes her smarter than you. I hope she finds someone worthy of her someday.
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