A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:is there a proper dating process?Ive hung out with this guy a cpl of times, we talk a lot here and there. After we met he had implied he wanted to kiss me, so when I saw him the next time (he made me dinner/movie - it was nice) I thought it was gonna happen but it didnt.So I asked him later via txt if he was interested or why he didnt kiss me.He said he thought that I didnt want to kiss him and completely missed that I had given him the green light and said he was interested.We've talked since then and he told me when we met that hes not a planner which drives me nuts but at the same time I dont want to wait to hear from him or to wait for him to make plans.The thing is.. Ive heard dating is one big game and to be honest - I like msging/calling someone if im interested, making plans.. i dont like waiting for them to get back to me etc and none of that 3 day rule - crap.Is it weird if I make the move to make plans with this guy or do I NEED to have him chase me? Also, is it weird if I give him cookies? LOL I baked a lot and thought maybe he might like some. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (21 May 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question the hanging out (dinner night) was my idea - i asked if he wanted to watch a movie.He agreed and volunteered to make me dinner.The night before - he had wanted to hang out but I had company over & had to say no. the night we had dinner he behaved - i mean we held hands n such..but he didnt try anything else.
to be honest alot of guys/bfs ive had have never been the planning type - so they dont make plans in advance.
i guess ill just see how it goes.thanks for replying :)
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Ah ha!
You have a shred interest. Cooking. Now a challenge is almost as good as an invitation. So next time you are in the cookie mood, call him up and invite him over. He is ducking the commitment issue. You need to build some more bridges before he will commit to a date. A shared interest is a great place to start.
The trick will be to train him to ask you out. As I said many men think they are clever to avoid commitments, but in the end they wind up lonely.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (21 May 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah the dinner thing was quick,..he asked me early in the evening if i wanted steak/chicken - i like both so he grilled both, made a salad, we had some drinks. it was nice.i dont think there was much planning there & I wont do the planning but ill mention the cookies i guess. The thing is i mentioned to him the other night about us doin the movie thing again and if it sweetens the pot - ill bake cookies.i think i txted something else after that so he either ignored the hanging out bit or completely missed it and later mentioned that his cookies would top mine, guess hes tryin to challenge me? anyhoo i made cookies cos i was in the mood and thought about tellin him..still think i should? he also didnt say yeah lets get together or anything but he flirted and joked w/ me via txt..and wasnt short w/ me so i wasnt sure what to think..as to whether or not hes really interested.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 May 2010):
It depends on what he expects. The trouble is that we don't know what to expect from the "new" male. Traditionally, Yes on the cookies, no on the planing a date. But he is telling you he doesn't plan. Then to complicate it further he cooked for you, which requires planning. At least a days planning, figure out a menu, go shopping, choose a movie. Unless it was a "quick draw" meal like spaghetti, or something he does often enough to have everything handy.
It sounds as if he is inviting you to take the next step. Like he is a bit lazy, and wants to share the burden of planning. Possibly also the costs. I hear a lot fro young men that they are unwilling to invest in girls, who will just move on to be another guy's wife. The problem with that theory is that they never get close enough to any girl to make an attachment.
I think a compromise is possible, if you can both communicate about it. I see no problem with taking turns with the planning or even the paying. The traditional model would have him planning a much higher percentage of the dates. Say 80 / 20, but as long as you can both agree, whatever.
He has already proven that he can plan a nice date for you. (I highly approve of inexpensive dates) Letting you plan a date will give him a chance to learn more about what you like. Just don't get too cutesy with it.
So to wrap it up. Communication is more important than tradition. Traditional models won't work for all couples. All most all guys like cookies.
FA
...............................
|
