A
male
age
41-50,
*eo007
writes:dear cupid, i was recently dateing a girl for 2 and half years for which we broke up about 9/10 months ago after her doing the cheating thing on me which in the past 4 weeks i got together with my new girl for which i have known for a year, the thing is that im not getting the relationship drive to get on with it with her as they say like going out, social stuff that kind of thing which most of the time im thinking more of myself and spending alot of time at home alone, our relationship is sound and there is no probs with us, i just dont know what to do and cannot think whats causeing me tobe how i am..any advice welcome
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female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 It may be that you're not ready to give a romantic relationship the energy and attention it needs to grow. It might be a good idea to keep your relationships on a purely "friends only" basis for the time being. Be honest with the women who might be interested in you for further romantic ideas. There is nothing wrong with having "just friends" relationships. It appears you are trying to make something out of nothing in this current relationship. Don't hurt her, just be honest about wanting a friends only relationship. When you meet someone who knocks you off your feet and takes your breath away, or keeps you lying awake at night thinking about her, then you might want to play the romance card and really run with it.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 May 2010):
 What you are doing makes a lot of sense to me. Starting slow, not exposing yourself to risk, working on yourself more. You are still in the first year of separation from a painful breakup. Yet you know that you need to move on. Like a whipped dog you are going to shy away from possible risks. Because you are smarter than the proverbial dog, you are trying to get past that.
When we get hurt, our subconscious starts to be afraid of situations that remind us of the pain. Any thing that it associates with that time. Part of the trouble is that the subconscious is not a very logical thinker. When you feel reluctant to go out, you need to firmly tell yourself that this is not the ex who hurt you. This is another person who wouldn't do that. Then go out anyway.
Life is about taking risks. It is okay to do as much as possible to minimize those risks. Make sure that you give the new girl plenty of attention. Don't give her a reason to look elsewhere. Also Don't commit to early, make sure you really do know that she isn't the kind to hurt you.
I wonder if you have been dreaming about your Ex lately? It would confirm my theory.
FA
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