A
male
age
36-40,
*ocquet
writes:Hi,I moved in with my Girl-friend about 6 months ago after being together for over 2 yrs and we are having one or two problems. I am 26 and she has just turned 32We use to spend around 3 evenings a week together, going out regually or stopping in. Sexually we use to play every night we spent together and had full sex at least once. She enjoyed this as much as I did and she iniatated allot of it.As soon as I moved in our sexlife more or less ended. I was expecting a gradual drop off but not a complete end.We started off having sex but not playing at least once a week. then by the 3rd week of us living together it dropped off all together. Maybe once ever 2 weeks if im a lucky boy. Its been over 2 months since we have done anything sexually together now. I do try to iniate it more often however she just says she wants a cuddle (then turns around and falls asleep right away) or that shes to tired or what ever.I can understand if shes tired however it is self inflicted with her social life making me feel very left out and unwanted. I have also thought maybe she has what she wants, some one to pay the morgage and bills, so theres no need to give me what I want.I have tried to talk to her about it but she either refuses to talk, falls asleep or says theres no reasion for it.She no longer iniatates any form of physical contact, not even kisses.I have to ask for kisses or cuddles which she does give and seems to enjoy.I do have a very high sex drive as noted from my previous partners and my current one. I have had some problems reaching orgasm through sex but I enjoy making my girfriends enjoy themselves. With my current partner this problem fell away as I stopped masturbating as sexual relief was regular and forthcomming. Now sex has stoped all together I have started masturbating again and when we do end up having sex I now nolonger orgasm which I think does frustrate my girlfriend. Which may put her off. However I cant stop masturbating as when I do I become irritable and depressed and makes me frustrated when I get rejected.Again I have taked to my girl-friend about this and she just gives me the same answers.I know she is not cheating on me or anything like that as she simply will not have the time in her hetic schedual. I dont know what to do or how to solve this problem. Any ideas?Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 Pocquet,
What is your level of investment? What are your long term goals? How much are you willing to risk?
Your relationship has a communication problem. You realize it. She doesn't. How does your work schedule compare to hers? I need more information to go from here. She also needs to come in to the conversation.
FA
A
male
reader, pocquet +, writes (28 May 2010):
pocquet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFA,
Thankyou for your answer, I have tried to make nights for us, but she will just sit on her laptop on ebay or facebook.
I have a few times asked her to go out like we use to however she either has plans or overtime becomes availabe at work and she crys off. Of course this has happend about 8 or 9 times now so I dont like making plans and find myself alone watching tv all evening.
We use to go to the cinema allot, even with me willing to go see anything she wants somthing allways comes up when we plan to, or shes to tired if its spontainous.
I can understand to a degree why things have changed since the 3 evenings and nights we spent together the plan was simply that to see each other. Now we live together there is never any time set aside to see each other as we see each other all the time.
She is very independent, one of the main things that attracted me to her. just find it frustrating there is no willing communication from her even when I force the subject. Even when it comes to socal events we both are invited to, she wont tell me until maybe the day before if I am lucky however if its somthing that comes from my social side I ask her immediately and make sure we both know its happening and on our callender.
I just get frustrated at it and I simply cant get her to talk to me just because she dosnt seem to give me the time of day any more.
P
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 May 2010):
Well, you are looking for a solution, not a reason. I know the reason. Knowing the reason can help in finding the solution.
She had a goal to get you committed. When you moved in she felt she had achieved her goal. Now she thinks she can relax and coast in the relationship. This is often a two sided problem. The guy stops arranging dates, the girls interest in sex drops off. Some times the thrill fades because the chase is over.
The Fact is that the relationship still needs all that you were both putting into it before you moved in. She still wants to be taken out. She still wants to be romanced. You still want to be sexually desired. You still want to have regular sex with her.
You need to make her a deal. Set up regular dates for sex. I know you will both likely say that planing takes the spontaneity out. Better planed sex than no sex. You promise her that you will hold of masturbating as long as she doesn't break a date. Then she will be inspired to not miss one. You also make sure that she gets the romance and adventure in her life.
After all you are in this for the long haul. A good relationship/marriage takes constant work. Go back to doing the things that worked before.
FA
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