A
female
age
30-35,
*ey0nbeauty
writes:Ive been having this feeling for a long time now. i have no idea what it is or where its coming from but its really bothering me.for starters, im in a relationship with a guy that ive been with for a year now... and we are sexually active but sometimes i get the feeling that we're too sexually active...Like, theres times where im at his house all day..(im with him basically everyday) and we'll get in the moment of him feeling on me n stuff.. but i wont be in the mood for sex. so ill tell him that i dont wanna do it... but then he'll try n force himself to get me in the mood.. and i jus go along with it feeling good. =/so these days tht im at his house or hes at my house its like, i feel like all he wants is sex from me. for example: when im suppose to be getting a massage from him, hell end up trying to eat me out and makin me get in the mood for his penis.. and its like.. dang! i thought i was getting a massage. m0st 0f the time during intercourse he wants either to bust in me or have me swallow it.. and i feel like thts all he wanted in the first place,.. was to bust a nut. i hardly have those times where we make love.. .its never making love anymore.Another thing thats makin question this is how he was being sarcastic about everything i was telling him or askin him becuz he was mad that i finally refused to have sex with him yesterday. and to be honest, he was disappointed in me almost the whole day all becuz i didnt want to have sex with him. most of the time after he busts in me he just gets straight up off me and the bed and wipes his penis clean and then lays down. like u know?.. what about me..???i dont know.. im jus feeling that he doesnt make love to me for me.. he fucks me cuz hes in the mood and not when im in the mood. is he using me? any advice from anybody?.. .help please? id really appreciate it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): talk to him ask him if he is useing you if he is.. i would leave
A
female
reader, bey0nbeauty +, writes (20 June 2010):
bey0nbeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank y0u s0 much for every0nes advice and help. i really appreciate eveyones time for my situation. youve helped me out alot.. and now i kno exactly what to do.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 June 2010):
It sounds like he's using to you to me. If nothing else, he's not listening to you, not attending to your needs and not really doing anything to show you he loves you. He just takes what he wants whether you're in the mood or not. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything else other than using you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): He is using you
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Your needs are not being met. Reducing your participation in meeting his needs, is not likely to get your needs filled. You are surprised that he is less interested in you?
I have a feeling that he doesn't understand what it is that you need. If he is around your age, it is very likely that he won't be able to figure it out on his own. When you have sex with him he feels you love him. He needs to know what you need to have him to so you can feel that he loves you.
He really is trying to connect with you. He is coming off ham handed and inexperienced because he is. You need to say things like "not yet, it's still my turn", and "I still need more of that". When you say "not ever" he will give up hope. He does need to be rewarded, when he does well. "busting a nut" is part of what he needs on a regular basis. If he doesn't get it he will become as cranky as you are, when he isn't meeting your needs.
You should also look into why you are not in the mood. I think it is because he isn't making you feel loved, but there could be other reasons, including medical reasons. You may need to give yourself permission to get in the mood. Frequently the answer to mismatched sex drives is for the lower partner to give more. You are not complaining that you don't enjoy sex. It's just that you aren't getting the emotional love that you want.
I really do understand why you are frustrated, and you are entitled to that feeling. I just don't think you are using a very successful strategy for fixing the problem. You have got his attention now, that is as much as that strategy will get you. Now you need to communicate your needs to him. You need to explain exactly what the difference between having sex and making love is to you. And, if you can let him know that you are willing to have sex with him if he is willing to make love to you. I think he will jump at the chance to make you happy.
Right now he feels rejected, because you rejected his penis. (I know sounds silly, but likely true) Guys are like puppies they want to please you. The sarcasm is just him protecting his ego from your rejection. He is eager to get back in your good graces. He wants nothing more than to prove that he can make you happy. Mistakenly he thinks he can do it with his penis. You will have to teach him how to use the sex organ between his ears.
FA
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 I am sorry,darling,the way you put it,it really sounds like he is much more interested in the sexual act per se than in you as a person. I don't think that he purposely wants to be a user or a selfish pig, maybe he's just too immature for the kind of relationship you need and deserve.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Hon, I think your intuition is just right on. He's using you.
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